June 2015 Weddings

but i dont wanna invite them....

im getting married june 27, 2015. i have been working hard on my guest list and adding people who i know will be there and people who care bout us. well i have a few members of my family who I DO NOT want to invite bc over the last few years they have treated me like absolute crap. when i was telling my mom she said I HAD to invite them. my fiance said its our wedding and we invite who we want. everyone keeps giving me excuses as to why i need to invite these family members....what do i do????
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Re: but i dont wanna invite them....

  • Who's paying for the wedding?

    If it's your parents: you need to be respectful of her wishes
    If you and your FI are: then invite whoever you want, or don't
  • My uncle and his wife have two kids, but they got divorced. I'm obviously inviting my uncle and I want my cousins to show up too...which means I have to invite his ex-wife. I was apprehensive about it, but I realized I had to invite her to kind of keep the peace. This is what my mom told me: invite her, but she probably won't show up because of my uncle and if she does show up, sit her in the back. So that's my suggestion. Keep the peace and invite them (and cross your fingers that they don't show up) and if they do, seat them all the way in the back of the reception venue. You never know, they might not want to show up. 

    I've realized that this whole "inviting people to your wedding" thing is so political. Sad, but true.
  • My mother keeps adding people to the list and it is quite annoying, but they are paying for the wedding so I've just gone with it. There has been some drama on my fiance's side too with his aunt going bat sh!t crazy and stirring problems. Came to the point where she is not invited to the wedding, but we were still inviting his cousins, ends up they wouldn't respond to us when asking for addresses and details, so guess who got cut from the list. Less we have to pay :) I don't feel guilty in the least. 
  • I just went through this with my mother, I am getting married June 13 2015. She didn't say I had to but she made that face, I have grown to know means you are making a poor choice. Etiquette states that he who pays has a say, so if your mother is footing the bill and she wants them there then they should be there, however your mother should still be understanding about why you do not want them there. In my case my father is paying, I sat down with him and told him how much I appreciated him paying for our wedding, then laid out very specific details as to why I did not want certain relatives there, he understood and we compromised. If you and your fiance are paying then no one can force you into inviting people who do not want there.
  • a friend told me once if you wouldn't want to take them out and buy them dinner, don't invite them. That's really helped me. Weddings are not high school or family reunions. I decided to just have close friends and family, if you don't know who I am or my fiancé is you probably shouldn't be there. It's a special time in your life, not a random get together with free booze. 
  • The guest list has been an issue for me as well! I think it all depends who's really paying for the wedding and respect people wishes, you never know they might not even come.

    (plus you can be the bigger person by inviting them, and there will be less stress on you if they make comments about not being invited)
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