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Wedding Party
laurelizabeth625
member
Including my Fiance's Family in the Bridal Party
My Fiance and I have decided upon our parties - 6 groomsman and 6 bridesmaids! We were very excited and comfortable with our decisions. He has all of his closet friends and I have 3 close friends, his sister (whom I am close with) and my 2 sisters.
However, the drama has begun....
My fiance's family is extremely close (and controlling). He grew up with his female cousin and the family always made sure that they were close no matter what. She is very insecure and always get what she wants. My fiance did not even think to have her in the wedding because he does not care for her the way the family believes he does (she is family, not his best friend!). However, before he even proposed to me his aunt said that his cousin should be in my bridal party or she will cry and drink herself to sleep the night of our wedding because she feels so close to him.
Now we are concerned. His family will be extremely upset and will take it out on us for the rest of our lives (no joke, they were upset that we could't make it to this years Thanksgiving because for the 1st time we decided to go to my family's house). They are pressuring us to include her on my side. But even though I am friendly with her and comfortable its not what I envisioned. It would cost a little more money to have her, I think 6 is a great number and it just doesn't seem perfect now. I wanted a close knit of friend and family. Even though adding her is doing his family a favor and might make us closer. But I do not like being told what to do on my wedding day and I think it was rude of them to force this upon us. Especially since they didn't even offer to pay for anything (my fiance's mother passed away when he was younger and they treat him like a son).
Any advice?! Should I suck it up and include her .... or make a point.
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Re: Including my Fiance's Family in the Bridal Party
Tell the aunt that you'll miss her daughter at the wedding. After that, let him deal with his family. Sounds like you won't be losing much anyway if you just let it go.
Being in a wedding party aggravates situations that aren't good to begin with when someone chooses another person out of family or other pressure. A lot of times the chosen person either tries to run ramrod over the bride or groom or the bride or groom was "forced" to choose them to make others happy at their own expense and takes their own unhappiness out on the chosen person-all because they, for whatever reason, didn't set and maintain boundaries that this kind of treatment isn't okay and that the "chosen person" and his/her relatives should have backed the hell off.
If you do let her parents bully you into including her and let her continue to be emotionally manipulative with her crying, then when does the madness end? Where is the point where you finally stop pandering to this presumably grown woman? When she wants to be in your Christmas card picture? When she wants to be in the hospital room with you as you give birth? When she wants to be named godmother of your child?
While I normally err on the side of "Is this the hill you want to die on? Is it really going to be that disruptive?" I simply do not pander to the emotionally manipulative and this is a blatant case of emotional blackmail. I understand not wanting to make waves, but you're setting yourself up for a life full of emotional blackmail if you don't stand up for yourself soon and be consistent about it. You doing this "favor" isn't going to "make you closer" - people who are emotionally manipulative don't magically stop after just one favor.
Sorry, but based on the attitude of your list, I think that you did ask your SIL solely because your MIL demanded it, not because you wanted to ask her. And that was wrong, both for you and for her.
LMAO. My DH and I adopted our dog from the pound and her name was already Izzy. We randomly decided one day that Izzy was actually short for Izzifer Ignatius. And, yeah, Ignatius is a boy's name and she is a girl dog. But it fits her
.
To the OP, does that sound reasonable to you that a grown woman will cry and drink all night because she wasn't chosen as a BM? No, it doesn't. It's completely whackadoo. And whackadoos don't need their unreasonable demands listened to. I seriously don't understand how people like this even navigate through life.