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How do you go about deciding who should be your flower girls? ring bearers? junior brides?

romanticozromanticoz member
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in Wedding Party
Me and my fiance are ironically the only two in each of our immediate family that does not have kids; so we have tons of children to choose from. I dont want one to feel left our because of the other but than again i dont want to have tons of kids in it either. 

I personally have 3 nieces and 4 nephews (ranging from 4 to 9)
My fiance has 2 nieces and 5 nephews (ranging from 3 to 12).
Not to mention we are close to our church family; we are very close to a couple families that have numerous kids.

I know its not a big deal to some but I know it may be a big deal to one of the kids. I will always remember the first wedding i was in and being a flower girl was the highlight of my life. I still have the umbrella. (pic i posted)

Brides to Be and Brides,
How did you choose?? 

I plan on announcing my wedding party in the middle of December... I cant choose. i just feel that i may leave someone out. Suggestions?? 

We plan on having 5 BM and Groomsmen. I kinda dont want the kids to out number us. lol 
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Re: How do you go about deciding who should be your flower girls? ring bearers? junior brides?

  • cafarriecafarrie member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I don't understand the appeal of FG's and RB's, jr. bridesmaids are made up so i'm not even touching that. Just don't have any and it won't matter.  If you're worried about them being included, get them all a mini bout/corsage and have them sit all together or something at the ceremony (if they're parents allow that).  
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    scribe95 said:
    With that many kids if it isn't obvious I would probably eliminate the RB and flower girl honestly. 
    Ditto. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I wouldn't bother.  If there are that many kids, I'd just have adult attendants.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
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    I never had to think about anyone who was in my bridal party. I knew right away who I would ask. If I had to think about it or make a choice then that person isn't close enough to me to be in my wedding party. This shouldn't be a hard decision. 

    I had a RB and no flower girl. If it's too hard to decide you don't have to have a RB or FG.
    image
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    My easy answer, skip them totally, no hurt feelings then. Here are things you have to consider having FG & RB and they can have a nice impact on your wedding budget

    • You need a gift for each child
    • Are you going to pay for their outfits are require parents
    • Each child along with the parents will need to be invited to Rehersal Dinner
    • You need flower petals & baskets or whatever you plan to have the FG's carry for each girl
    • Do you want the RB to have boutineers?
    • If you have more then two RB, what will the other RB carry/do
    • Who will be in charge of all of the kids? Meaning who will make sure they get down the isle and who will be there to take care of them in case of a melt down
    • With the range of ages, do you think they will last through the ceremony & then for doing photos
    • If you are doing photos at a different location then ceremony/reception what are transporation plans? Meaning if kids are to be there, you will need to accomodate them and their parents on the limo if you are renting one (assuming will allow kids that need to be in child seats out of child seats because there is usually no way to secure a car seat in a limo) or will parents have to bring the kids themselves.
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    tammym1001 said:
    I never had to think about anyone who was in my bridal party. I knew right away who I would ask. If I had to think about it or make a choice then that person isn't close enough to me to be in my wedding party. This shouldn't be a hard decision. 

    I had a RB and no flower girl. If it's too hard to decide you don't have to have a RB or FG.
    This is exactly what we did.  There was one obvious choice for FG but when it came to RB, there wasn't, so we just nixed the position.

    I'm another one who didn't even have to think about my bridesmaids.  It was my three closest from the start.  Not the friend I've had the longest, or a friend from high school who I promised a BM role when I was 17 or my (then) FSILs, or any other silly reason people think they have to ask someone to be in the wedding party.  Simply the three most important, badass, amazing women in my life (excluding my mother) who yes, I would absolutely call at 3AM to help me hide a body. 
    Anniversary

    image
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have 5 nieces and 2 nephews.  DH doesn't have any.   I had all mine as BMs and GMs.

    With the amount of kids you have I would just skip them all.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    Being a flower girl was the highlight of your life? LOL

    Sorry, I find that hilarious- I had never even been to a wedding until I was 19 years old. But yea, just don't have any if it will hurt the other kid's feelings. I only have one nephew and I didn't even have FG or RB. It's not necessary at all.

                                                                     

    image

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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    Either no kids as PPs have stated or maybe an age cut off? 6 and older? (not sure how many that leaves you with?) But having none at all will likely be the easiest solution.
    image


    Anniversary
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  • simcal18simcal18 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited November 2014
    Lots of advice here to simply nix having flower girls/ring bearers all together.  That's probably the easiest solution, but if you both are close to your nieces/nephews, I can see why you might want to do that.  I can think of two other possible solutions here:

    (1)  A hard age cutoff may help you keep the numbers down.  If you do an age cut-off, for the sake of family harmony, I would make it an "and under" cutoff then an "and older" cutoff.  It's generally much easier to tell a 12 year old that he or she is too old/mature for a "little kid" role like flower girl/ring bearer than it is to explain to a 3 year old why he or she can't walk down the aisle with older sisters/cousins.  Plus, you may be able to find other roles for older kids--9/12 year olds may be able to do readings, or do collection/bring up gifts if you're having a religious ceremony.

    (2)  I went to a wedding this year where instead of having designated flower girls/ring bearers, the bride and groom simply did a "children's procession" during the entrance.  Any nieces/nephews/close children's friends were invited ahead of time to process down the aisle before the wedding party.  There were no coordinating outfits, no official roles/titles, and it was relatively casual.  Some of the kid's parents walked down with them (particularly if they were little), and some didn't.  Some kids made it all the way down the aisle and some of the kids didn't.  I think there were a few flower balls and/or petals available for those who wanted them, but that was about it.  It was adorable and quick--the whole thing couldn't have been more than two minutes.  And since they're not wedding party members, you don't have to worry about gifts, rehearsal dinner, transportation for pictures, etc.  You honor them and take pictures with them just like you would with your grandmother or any other close family/friends.

    In any event, you should pick your wedding party somewhere between 9-12 months out.  I'd talk to your and your FI's siblings and get a feel for what their expectations and wishes are before doing anything official--if they tell you that some of these kids don't WANT to be in the wedding party, that may solve part of your problem right there.  You also want to temper expectations if some of the siblings are assuming that their kids will be in the wedding party.  In any event, good luck figuring this out.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    bostonbride2015 said:
    Lots of advice here to simply nix having flower girls/ring bearers all together.  That's probably the easiest solution, but if you both are close to your nieces/nephews, I can see why you might want to do that.  I can think of two other possible solutions here:

    (1)  A hard age cutoff may help you keep the numbers down.  If you do an age cut-off, for the sake of family harmony, I would make it an "and under" cutoff then an "and older" cutoff.  It's generally much easier to tell a 12 year old that he or she is too old/mature for a "little kid" role like flower girl/ring bearer than it is to explain to a 3 year old why he or she can't walk down the aisle with older sisters/cousins.  Plus, you may be able to find other roles for older kids--9/12 year olds may be able to do readings, or do collection/bring up gifts if you're having a religious ceremony.

    (2)  I went to a wedding this year where instead of having designated flower girls/ring bearers, the bride and groom simply did a "children's procession" during the entrance.  Any nieces/nephews/close children's friends were invited ahead of time to process down the aisle before the wedding party.  There were no coordinating outfits, no official roles/titles, and it was relatively casual.  Some of the kid's parents walked down with them (particularly if they were little), and some didn't.  Some kids made it all the way down the aisle and some of the kids didn't.  I think there were a few flower balls and/or petals available for those who wanted them, but that was about it.  It was adorable and quick--the whole thing couldn't have been more than two minutes.  And since they're not wedding party members, you don't have to worry about gifts, rehearsal dinner, transportation for pictures, etc.  You honor them and take pictures with them just like you would with your grandmother or any other close family/friends.

    In any event, you should pick your wedding party somewhere between 9-12 months out.  I'd talk to your and your FI's siblings and get a feel for what their expectations and wishes are before doing anything official--if they tell you that some of these kids don't WANT to be in the wedding party, that may solve part of your problem right there.  You also want to temper expectations if some of the siblings are assuming that their kids will be in the wedding party.  In any event, good luck figuring this out.
    This sounds so cute!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • simcal18simcal18 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    KatWAG said:
    bostonbride2015 said:
    Lots of advice here to simply nix having flower girls/ring bearers all together.  That's probably the easiest solution, but if you both are close to your nieces/nephews, I can see why you might want to do that.  I can think of two other possible solutions here:

    (1)  A hard age cutoff may help you keep the numbers down.  If you do an age cut-off, for the sake of family harmony, I would make it an "and under" cutoff then an "and older" cutoff.  It's generally much easier to tell a 12 year old that he or she is too old/mature for a "little kid" role like flower girl/ring bearer than it is to explain to a 3 year old why he or she can't walk down the aisle with older sisters/cousins.  Plus, you may be able to find other roles for older kids--9/12 year olds may be able to do readings, or do collection/bring up gifts if you're having a religious ceremony.

    (2)  I went to a wedding this year where instead of having designated flower girls/ring bearers, the bride and groom simply did a "children's procession" during the entrance.  Any nieces/nephews/close children's friends were invited ahead of time to process down the aisle before the wedding party.  There were no coordinating outfits, no official roles/titles, and it was relatively casual.  Some of the kid's parents walked down with them (particularly if they were little), and some didn't.  Some kids made it all the way down the aisle and some of the kids didn't.  I think there were a few flower balls and/or petals available for those who wanted them, but that was about it.  It was adorable and quick--the whole thing couldn't have been more than two minutes.  And since they're not wedding party members, you don't have to worry about gifts, rehearsal dinner, transportation for pictures, etc.  You honor them and take pictures with them just like you would with your grandmother or any other close family/friends.

    In any event, you should pick your wedding party somewhere between 9-12 months out.  I'd talk to your and your FI's siblings and get a feel for what their expectations and wishes are before doing anything official--if they tell you that some of these kids don't WANT to be in the wedding party, that may solve part of your problem right there.  You also want to temper expectations if some of the siblings are assuming that their kids will be in the wedding party.  In any event, good luck figuring this out.
    This sounds so cute!
    It was very cute.  The best part may have been when one of the very little girls started handing out individual flower petals to guests seated on the aisle.  She didn't need the official title of "flower girl" to elicit some serious awwwwwwwws.  :-)
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
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    Junior brides and grooms are just creepy.
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  • romanticozromanticoz member
    First Comment
    thank you everyone for your positive feedback... helps a lot and gives more ideas and options...
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    KatWAG said:


    bostonbride2015 said:

    (1)  A hard age cutoff may help you keep the numbers down.  If you do an age cut-off, for the sake of family harmony, I would make it an "and under" cutoff then an "and older" cutoff.  It's generally much easier to tell a 12 year old that he or she is too old/mature for a "little kid" role like flower girl/ring bearer than it is to explain to a 3 year old why he or she can't walk down the aisle with older sisters/cousins.  Plus, you may be able to find other roles for older kids--9/12 year olds may be able to do readings, or do collection/bring up gifts if you're having a religious ceremony.


    I disagree with this. When I was 11, my grandfather got married. My sister was the flower girl, and I was the altar server. I was annoyed that she got the cute role and i was stuck in a dorky white altar server robe. My vote is to have no FG / RB. That's a lot of kids,




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  • ccohen0819ccohen0819 member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    I had a similar issue, we have lots of friends with kids, FI has a 9yo son and I have yuonger siblings as well as their being nieces etc.

    Since we decided to have only children of imemdiate family at the wedding, this helped. Only my 2 siblings, step-son, and 2 nieces will be invited and those ended up being all the children in the wedding party. Junior MOH, Jr Groomsman, ring bearer, and two flower girls.

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