Finding the Officiant

pinkcow13 · December 2014

So the last of our vendors is the most important one - since this person will be the one to marry us! I have no idea how to approach this one. I looked up a few on the TK site, and looked at their websites, but I guess I'm a bit stuck. FI and I want a secular ceremony. We do not want to do any sort of unity thing like a unity candle or hand fasting, etc. We will not be writing our own vows, we prefer the traditional vows. I'm guessing this is what we will be asked. Is there anything that we should ask the officiant?

I'm also wondering, what the "typical" cost is for the NYC area?

wandajune6 · December 2014

I found someone we really liked by putting out a request on Thumbtack.com. We would have used her had my aunt not offered to perform the ceremony.

It was great- I specified what we were looking for and we got a lot of bids. Some responses were from people who clearly didn't pay attention to what we wanted but there was a ton of feedback.

I can't speak for NYC prices but I got quotes ranging from $150-$550.

pinkcow13 · December 2014

wandajune6 said:

I found someone we really liked by putting out a request on Thumbtack.com. We would have used her had my aunt not offered to perform the ceremony.

It was great- I specified what we were looking for and we got a lot of bids. Some responses were from people who clearly didn't pay attention to what we wanted but there was a ton of feedback.

I can't speak for NYC prices but I got quotes ranging from $150-$550.

What is Thumbtack? It sounds really helpful! Yikes, $550? That's a pretty big range you were given. I wonder what $550 gets you that $150 doesn't?

sarawifenow · December 2014

Our officiant was recommended to us by our venue. Does your venue offer a preferred vendor list? Because our officiant was on this list, he gave us a discount.

I am in CO, so this probably won't help. Our officiant was $500.

kat1114 · December 2014

Do you have a close friend or family member you could ask to do the ceremony? We felt really weird just picking some stranger, so we asked a family friend instead. It definitely felt more personal, and he really did an amazing job. We gave him a generous gift card to one of his favorite restaurants as a thank you, and it still ended up being cheaper than what I saw most officiants charging.

wandajune6 · December 2014

Thumbtack.com. We found our DJ, photographer and MUA there as well. It's a great way to meet independent contractors.

I never figured out the major differences between price ranges, other than how they charge for travel. The person we liked most was about $250 for the wedding and rehearsal.

jenna8984 · December 2014

My venue gave me a list of 3 that they normally use (but not required) so I called one and she was $300 in MA. We decided we would rather it be a friend who actually knows us, so our old roommate did it. She had done 3 weddings prior, it cost $25 to register with the state, we also gave her a gift card. I put the script together from different websites, and stole some of Lolo's vows (with her permission).

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

We found ours through online reviews, and set up a meeting. We liked his personality and the general way he spoke, and although he's a pastor he let us customize the ceremony from a variety of options to make it as secular or religious as we wanted. We would have kept meeting with others but just pulled the trigger with him. It was $400.

pinkcow13 · December 2014

So it sounds like the max should be around $500. Honestly, I considered having a friend do it. The friend that I would have liked to ask though, is one of FI's BM, so I don't know if that would be a lot to ask of him. That's definitely an idea, @kat1114‌. Maybe FI and I can brainstorm a bit more. I do like the idea of having someone that is close to us marry us.

ElcaB · December 2014

We asked a close friend. He was honored and it was very meaningful to us.

emmaaa · December 2014

Ours was easy because he is the pastor of our church and he does not charge a fee for members. Although we are giving him $150.

abbyj700 · December 2014

After several dead ends with on-line services (like TK and thumbtack) I ended up posting on FB to see if anyone had any recommendations. Several friends recommended many vendors, including the woman we ended up choosing as our officiant. As a friend of a friend she only charged us $200 for rehearsal and the wedding AND she was wonderful. Friends are great resources -and you never know who knows someone you might want to meet!

climbingsingle · December 2014

We had one of H's best friends marry us. It was awesome, and I'm so happy we chose him.

dcbride86 · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

We had one of H's best friends marry us. It was awesome, and I'm so happy we chose him.

This is what we did, too! I'm so excited. I know he'll do an amazing job, and it will be so meaningful

cupcait927 · December 2014

We actually used a town justice for our ceremony. She performed my best friend's ceremony and it was awesome. She really got into the ceremony and made it personal. I've also been to ceremonies where the JOP is very straight forward, secular, traditional vows. Still just as nice and cheaper than using someone who officiates professionally. I can't speak for NYC prices but I know that I got an awesome deal - $125 plus we fed her.

lacqueredlover · December 2014

My FI has actually married 2 couples! Both were couples he had introduced (this was years before I met him) but they both say that it was so wonderful having a friend who knew them do the ceremony. My good friend just had her cousin marry her and her husband and it was really sweet.

As for us, we are using a cantor for a very "jewish light" ceremony. We basically wanted a bit of a reference to judaism since we are both super reform and culturally, rather than religiously, I identify as being Jewish. The woman who is marrying us virtually only does interfaith marriages so she's super laid back and we are totally customizing our ceremony with her. She was actually super surprised that we were both Jewish as she rarely does a wedding like that! We found her through a friend of mine (she performed two of my friends siblings weddings.) Her fee is $700.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

We're getting married in Key West. Unlike most other wedding expenses in the area, officiants seem to be on the cheaper side. The ones I've looked at range from 150-350. We'll probably go with the officiant who actually is also the curator of our venue. He's 250. We talked about having a friend do it but couldn't think of anyone who know who we'd feel comfortable asking. But I like the idea of hiring someone with experience who can help me with filing paperwork.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

lacqueredlover said:

My FI has actually married 2 couples! Both were couples he had introduced (this was years before I met him) but they both say that it was so wonderful having a friend who knew them do the ceremony. My good friend just had her cousin marry her and her husband and it was really sweet.

As for us, we are using a cantor for a very "jewish light" ceremony. We basically wanted a bit of a reference to judaism since we are both super reform and culturally, rather than religiously, I identify as being Jewish. The woman who is marrying us virtually only does interfaith marriages so she's super laid back and we are totally customizing our ceremony with her. She was actually super surprised that we were both Jewish as she rarely does a wedding like that! We found her through a friend of mine (she performed two of my friends siblings weddings.) Her fee is $700.

I like that! I also identify as culturally and not so much religiously Jewish (was raised in a Conservative synagogue). FI was raised Christian but is now atheist and both of us would like to incorporate some Jewish aspects into our ceremony. Would you be able to share some of the traditions you'll include? I'm curious

dcbride86 · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

show previous quotes

lacqueredlover said:

My FI has actually married 2 couples! Both were couples he had introduced (this was years before I met him) but they both say that it was so wonderful having a friend who knew them do the ceremony. My good friend just had her cousin marry her and her husband and it was really sweet.

As for us, we are using a cantor for a very "jewish light" ceremony. We basically wanted a bit of a reference to judaism since we are both super reform and culturally, rather than religiously, I identify as being Jewish. The woman who is marrying us virtually only does interfaith marriages so she's super laid back and we are totally customizing our ceremony with her. She was actually super surprised that we were both Jewish as she rarely does a wedding like that! We found her through a friend of mine (she performed two of my friends siblings weddings.) Her fee is $700.

I like that! I also identify as culturally and not so much religiously Jewish (was raised in a Conservative synagogue). FI was raised Christian but is now atheist and both of us would like to incorporate some Jewish aspects into our ceremony. Would you be able to share some of the traditions you'll include? I'm curious

FI is Christian and I was raised Jewish. We are having a chupa and breaking the glass during the ceremony. I also know people who have had their officiant explain the meaning behind the cupa and the glass breaking, or who have had one or two Hebrew prayers

flutteringinfl · December 2014

dcbride86 said:

show previous quotes

flutteringinftmyers said:

lacqueredlover said:

My FI has actually married 2 couples! Both were couples he had introduced (this was years before I met him) but they both say that it was so wonderful having a friend who knew them do the ceremony. My good friend just had her cousin marry her and her husband and it was really sweet.

As for us, we are using a cantor for a very "jewish light" ceremony. We basically wanted a bit of a reference to judaism since we are both super reform and culturally, rather than religiously, I identify as being Jewish. The woman who is marrying us virtually only does interfaith marriages so she's super laid back and we are totally customizing our ceremony with her. She was actually super surprised that we were both Jewish as she rarely does a wedding like that! We found her through a friend of mine (she performed two of my friends siblings weddings.) Her fee is $700.

I like that! I also identify as culturally and not so much religiously Jewish (was raised in a Conservative synagogue). FI was raised Christian but is now atheist and both of us would like to incorporate some Jewish aspects into our ceremony. Would you be able to share some of the traditions you'll include? I'm curious

FI is Christian and I was raised Jewish. We are having a chupa and breaking the glass during the ceremony. I also know people who have had their officiant explain the meaning behind the cupa and the glass breaking, or who have had one or two Hebrew prayers

We're going to have a ketubah but probably not a chuppa. We haven't decided for sure what else we're incorporate. I'll probably ask some family members to do a blessing or two during the reception.

My second cousin recently got married to a Christian man. They had a priest and a rabbi perform the ceremony together. Apparently it lasted an hour

Also, sorry to threadjack!

pinkcow13 · December 2014

Wow, there are so many options! I do really like the idea of maybe having a friend or family member do it. Since we have a few friends that recently married, it's a great idea to ask them if they can recommend theirs.

lacqueredlover · December 2014

We are having a chuppah, having a ketubah (but it will be all in English, not hebrew) and breaking the glass. We are also going to have one or two prayers but they will be in English as well as Hebrew. We also will be doing wine in the kiddush cup. It was really important to both of us to understand everything that is happening at our wedding.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

Sounds beautiful! Are you having your ketubah custom made? We're thinking of going that route.

flyingfoxes · December 2014

I found ours on Wedding Wire, then went out and searched his name to read his other reviews. His wife helps him (actually I think their kids are also ordained ministers so if he can't do the ceremony, they have built-in stand-ins, lol). The wife will help direct us during the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony. For the ceremony and RD they charge $300. Not too bad. He also sent us 12 documents of different ceremony wordings so we can pick and choose from those or create our own script.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

I really recommend having a close friend or family member officiate. They know you and your history and can use that knowledge to make a really moving 'speech' during your ceremony. H and I had a mutual friend officiate our ceremony. He had known H and I since middle school and was around since H and I started dating over 12 years ago. He saw us go through ups and downs. Was with us when H's best friend was killed. He used all of it and his 'speech' was amazing and moving and personal. I just couldn't imagine getting that from someone you may have met one or two times.

lacqueredlover · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

Sounds beautiful! Are you having your ketubah custom made? We're thinking of going that route.

Yeah we will have it custom made. They make such beautiful ones now!

daria24 · December 2014

One of my friends in NYC got married a couple years ago and raved about her officiant. He's Unitarian but they had a completely secular ceremony. If you don't end up going the friend route, let me know if you want his info.

Hummingbird125 · December 2014

pinkcow13 said:

Wow, there are so many options! I do really like the idea of maybe having a friend or family member do it. Since we have a few friends that recently married, it's a great idea to ask them if they can recommend theirs.

I'm looking for an officiant for Long Island - if you happen to get any recs for someone out there - please PM me!!

pinkcow13 · December 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I really recommend having a close friend or family member officiate. They know you and your history and can use that knowledge to make a really moving 'speech' during your ceremony. H and I had a mutual friend officiate our ceremony. He had known H and I since middle school and was around since H and I started dating over 12 years ago. He saw us go through ups and downs. Was with us when H's best friend was killed. He used all of it and his 'speech' was amazing and moving and personal. I just couldn't imagine getting that from someone you may have met one or two times.

This sounds really amazing. And it is easy for someone like a friend/family member to become ordained, right?

JennyColada · December 2014

We found our officiant through our venue in Napa. She is paid by a donation, and said that many people give her $100-$400, but to give as much or as little as we feel comfortable with.

We paid her $400 and invited her to our rehearsal dinner (even though we didn't technically have a rehearsal).

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