Etiquette

Shower invitations

Hello, 

My best friends (who are also wedding party) are throwing me a wedding shower.  I am unbelievably touched.  

They have asked me for a list of ladies to invite, which leads me to a question of etiquette.  Is it acceptable to invite out of town family(in this case, my aunt and cousins from Chicago) to the shower?  They are of course invited to the wedding.  I don't want to be rude, so I am unsure if it is rude to A) invite those from OOT or B) not invite them. 

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Re: Shower invitations

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You can invite them or not as you see fit.  The one rule appertaining to shower invitations is that the recipients must also be invited to the wedding.
    sarawifenow
  • As long as they are invited to the wedding, it's fine.

    In terms of looking "gift grabby", I think it depends on
    1. Relationship - family? Probably yes.  friends? Probably no.
    2. Distance.  You don't say how far away Chicago is from you/the party.  If it's still within reasonable driving distance, I think it's fine (I have a lot of family a 2.5 hour drive from me - I routinely make that trip to visit anyway).  But if it would require a plane ride or more driving round trip than can reasonably be expected in one day, then I probably wouldn't.
  • Thanks guys, I decided on not inviting them as we are in San Francisco, and I don't want to ask them to make the trip from Chicago twice.  
  • Ditto what the PPs have already said. To be honest, if I were invited to a bridal shower half way across the country that would require two trip/two airline tickets/two hotel stays, I probably wouldn't come unless it were my sister/immediate family.

    And hello from across the Bay Bridge! East Bay, here :)
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
  • edited November 2014
    I typically vote for being more inclusive rather than not. After all, it is an invite and if they don't want to go they can simply decline.

    I was invited to long- distance relative's showers when they were married. They live over a 3 hr plane ride away. I loved it because it helped me feel included - these folks are family after all - and I wanted to shower those brides with lovely gifts just as much as I want to shower the local brides! I'd honestly be a little miffed if I wasn't invited to their showers because of the distance. They shouldn't assume I wouldn't make the effort to go!

    My sister was married about 10 years ago and my long-distance aunt and cousin actually came to the shower. She loved it because she felt it gave her an excuse to visit us twice and see her mom, who lives near us. We're inviting them to mine as well. I don't necessarily expect them to show (or send gifts) but I want to give them that option.

    I also understand that it can feel gift grabby, so I get that dynamics are in play here. Are you/your parents close to these folks or are they just the sort of relatives you send courtesy invites and Christmas cards to, but never really see? Just things to consider.
    lc07
  • Over the years I have declined a number of invitations for bridal showers/bachelorette parties/baby showers/etc. that were across the country, and never once was I not incredibly touched to be included (even though it was clear that I would not be able to make it). Therefore, when in doubt, I vote in favor of inclusion. Of course, these were all for close friends and/or family (I think aunts and cousins count), so keep that in mind.
  • If they are Family, invite them.  If they are merely Relatives, don't.  There is a difference; not all relatives are family, and not all family are relatives.  I was invited to a cousin's shower (a 10 hour drive away, no easy access on their end to an airport) and found it very gift grabby, but this cousin is just a relative.  But I have other cousins I would move heaven and earth for, they are family.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards