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Who's invited to the rehearsal dinner?

theycallmelinztheycallmelinz member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So far we're inviting our wedding party, their SOs and children if applicable, our parents, and grandparents. Is there anyone else that should be included?
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Re: Who's invited to the rehearsal dinner?

  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In my circle, it's traditional to also invite people who come in from out of town for the wedding.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Your list looks good.   Do not forget anyone else involved with the ceremony,  readers, for example.    

    In my family we also include siblings (and their families) if they are not already in the wedding.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Etiquette wise, sounds like you're good. I wanted to mention that we're hoping to invite everyone (or as many people that are flying in that day) because we'll be having a DW and we want to make sure that we take as many opportunities as possible to thank our guests for traveling. So if you have a large number of guests who are traveling, maybe consider inviting those people as well.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    theycallmelinz said:

    So far we're inviting our wedding party, their SOs and children if applicable, our parents, and grandparents. Is there anyone else that should be included?

    Only if you want to. But if you do, they must be invited with their SOs and must be invited together to the wedding as well. While some people do invite out-of-town guests and/or the officiant and his/her SO if any, it's a nice but not required gesture.
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  • cbus13cbus13 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Yes please make sure to invite SOs of wedding party. I was the MOH in my friend's wedding and the only person coming in from out of town. She specifically told me my fiance (who was traveling with me) could not attend the rehearsal dinner. He had to sit in the hotel by himself. I never said anything to the bride about it, but it did feel really rude
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    We also included our officiants and the people who did music at the ceremony.  They were involved in the rehearsal, they should get dinner.
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    We also included our officiant & his spouse. OOT guests are nice if you can afford it. The few we had were staying with our parents so we invited them. We thought it would be rude to say, we're going off to the rehersal & dinner, you have to fend for yourself. Now had we had more OOT guests or had it been a destination wedding, I probably wouldn't have included the OOT guests.

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  • theycallmelinztheycallmelinz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @mrscomposer I actually didn't event think about these people until I was on the phone with my FMIL last night.DUH I need to include these!

    We're going to include OOT guests who are in town by the time of the dinner. Our wedding is late the next evening so we figure most of them won't be traveling until the day of.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your officiant and his/her SO. 

    We also invited siblings and their SOs as well as a few other family members who assisted with setting up that day. 


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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    My mother in law hosted our rehearsal dinner at a local restaurant. We included everyone involved with the ceremony: readers, musicians (all were family), officiant (although he didn't come), bridal party, parents, and grandparent (only one living and she also didn't attend). All were invited with SOs.
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  • jellybeannjellybeann member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    HReis13 said:
    Yes please make sure to invite SOs of wedding party. I was the MOH in my friend's wedding and the only person coming in from out of town. She specifically told me my fiance (who was traveling with me) could not attend the rehearsal dinner. He had to sit in the hotel by himself. I never said anything to the bride about it, but it did feel really rude
    One of FI's GMs had his SO book a later flight because he assumed she wouldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner! =( That made me really sad that he's had experiences like that and assumed the same of us. We invited everyone's SOs, and I've still gotten questions from multiple people if their SO can come to the RD.
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    PP have all the etiquette covered. 

    Who we invited:

    Wedding Party, their SOs and children
    Minister, his wife and child (Friends of DH, all also wedding guests)
    Readers and their SOs
    Friend who was handling our ceremony music and his SO
    Our parents (siblings were in the wedding party)
    Aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin's SOs and cousin's children (all were OOT)

    We also added in (at the last minute)  an OOT friend.  She was the only OOT friend who had arrived at our venue by the time the rehearsal dinner started and all of her other friends who were already there were in the wedding and thus invited to the RD.  We didn't think it was right to make her sit and eat by herself (we got married and had all other wedding events at a park a 20 minute drive from the nearest town), so we asked her to join us.  Had we known when we sent invitations that she would arrive so early and not know anyone else to have dinner with, we would have invited her then.

    The long and short of it: Who must you invite to the RD? Anyone involved in the rehearsal and their SOs (except officiant, but it's still nice to extend the offer).  It's probably a good idea to invite parents too.  Who can you invite to the RD?  Anyone invited to the wedding, but invitation should include SOs.  But it's a good plan to do this in circles, such as family members, OOT guests, etc.
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 member
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    twitterbird said:
    My mother in law hosted our rehearsal dinner at a local restaurant. We included everyone involved with the ceremony: readers, musicians (all were family), officiant (although he didn't come), bridal party, parents, and grandparent (only one living and she also didn't attend). All were invited with SOs.

    You invited musicians?  Were they at the rehearsal?  Do you mean ceremony or reception musicians?  I was planning to invite the pianist playing for our ceremony, but not the band for the reception.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Question and not to take over the post but do you have to invite OOT guests?? Though I know it's nice to do... how wedding will have about 220 people there... 130 are out of town guests.. It'd be like having a mini reception the night before :)
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    RachelLee83 said:
    Question and not to take over the post but do you have to invite OOT guests?? Though I know it's nice to do... how wedding will have about 220 people there... 130 are out of town guests.. It'd be like having a mini reception the night before :)
    Our wedding was 100% OOT (147).  We hosted an open house at the beach rental.  About 100 people came.  It started after 8pm.    While most people ate before hand, we still have food for people who had not eaten (heavy snacks).    Since we provided all the booze, it didn't cost a whole lot.   And since it was an open house, people just came and went throughout the night.

    It was not a second reception and honestly I would 100% do it again.  I loved being able to spend more time with my guests then just at the wedding.    

    My brothers both got married OOT for at least our side of the family. They were also invited to the rehearsals.  They also agreed it was nice to spend the extra time with the OOT guests.

    In the islands we had a lot of DW at the resort.  Most of them had some sort of reception for the OOT guests.  Some were full blown dinners (which cost a lot), but a lot were just 1.5-2 hours cocktail receptions with light apps and drinks. Or they met guests at the bar later in the night and just paid or drinks.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    dcbride86 said:
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    You invited musicians?  Were they at the rehearsal?  Do you mean ceremony or reception musicians?  I was planning to invite the pianist playing for our ceremony, but not the band for the reception.

    Ceremony musicians. We had a DJ for the dance. The musicians were actually all family and friends. My cousin played organ, my husband's sister sang and one of my friends played guitar.
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  • theycallmelinztheycallmelinz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    RachelLee83 said:
    Question and not to take over the post but do you have to invite OOT guests?? Though I know it's nice to do... how wedding will have about 220 people there... 130 are out of town guests.. It'd be like having a mini reception the night before :)
    If we had more than a handful of OOT guests, I doubt we would invite them. But since our only OOT guests that will actually be in town early enough for the RD will be 2 of FI's aunts and their spouses and children, we're inviting them to come. It helps that FI's family is paying and his family are the OOTers. I think I would have hesitated more if it had been my family that was coming in. I know FI's family wouldn't have minded paying for the extra people (which one of my aunts is coming to the dinner but she's single), but I still would have felt weird I think asking them to pay for an extra 10 people to come to the dinner that didn't necessarily have to be invited to it. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    RachelLee83 said:
    Question and not to take over the post but do you have to invite OOT guests?? Though I know it's nice to do... how wedding will have about 220 people there... 130 are out of town guests.. It'd be like having a mini reception the night before :)
    It's not required. I feel that it's an older tradition, when not as many people lived far away from their families. Now that people live all over, it's not necessary.

    Some people do it in their circle, but most of the weddings where I was an out of town guest, I was not invited to the rehearsal. We did not invite anyone to the rehearsal who was not involved in the ceremony other than SO.
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