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Dry Wedding??

futuremrscousins2015futuremrscousins2015 member
in Wedding Reception Forum
Hey knotties!! I need your help! Opinion question.  My wonderful parents have offered to pay for our wedding. On top of that, the ceremony/reception will take place in their backyard.

Family history on both sides (including the deaths of both of my father's brothers) have caused my parents decide to not drink.  At all. Not even a drop.  This being said, my father does not want to provide any type of alcoholic beverages for the big day.

I have not talked to him about this because I haven't decided whether it is worth the discussion.  His hesitancy is due to both the liability and the fact that at my brother and SIL's wedding two years ago, their friends conducted themselves quite poorly.  

I personally enjoy beer and/or wine in moderation and would appreciate as a guest at a wedding if it was served, thus I would like to provide this for my own friends and fam.

So here's what I need to know: Have any of you had a dry wedding, and how did you do it? OR As a guest, have you gone to a dry wedding and how did the guests respond? Did it feel like something was "missing?"

We have also thought of drink tickets, but he nixed that as well.  (And not every single guest will be aware about my family history since the deaths happened quite some time ago.)

Thanks for your help!!! 
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Re: Dry Wedding??

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2014
    Dry weddings are totally reasonable. And if your parents are paying, they get a say.

    It is normal for dry wedding receptions to be shorter and/or take place during the day as opposed to the evening. But they may be cheaper as well. If any guests make an issue of the absence of alcohol, it reflects badly on them but not on you or your parents.

    That said, cash bars, drink tickets, or otherwise trying to control guests' alcoholic intake by having it but restricting its availability by charging guests for it or not having it available throughout the reception is not appropriate. Either don't have it at all or just have a limited bar (e.g. beer and wine only) if you do have any alcohol.
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  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Dry weddings are perfectly fine.  I even enjoy a "full-bar" of non-alcoholic copies i.e. Virgin Coladas, Virgin Margaritas, Virgin Sangria, etc.  Please be aware, though, that if somebody is truly dealing with the disease of addiction, they are likely to have alcohol in their possession "just in case".  You can only do the best you can and leave the rest to fate.  You are also likely to get some push back from people who think their opinion matters and think they can change your dad's mind.  For that reason, I would not discuss this issue publicly, outside of those who already made the decision.
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Our wedding was dry because our reception was at a Baptist Church and they don't allow alcohol there. Everyone still told us how much they enjoyed it. We had burgers, hot dogs, and fries with lemonade, tea, soda, and milkshakes. All of the weddings I have attended as an adult have been dry as well.

    If you are dead set on having alcohol at your wedding you will have to decline your parents' offer to host and pay for it all yourself.
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  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    My sister had a dry wedding because my BIL's family have strong anti-alcohol opinions. My family, on the other hand, are big drinkers, but everyone was completely respectful of their choice to keep it dry and we all had a really lovely time. They did a morning ceremony with a lunchtime reception, had jazz music and fancy fruit punch. And best of all, they were able to use the money they saved on liquor to get an absolutely phenomenal high-end caterer (seriously some of the best food I've ever had in my life!). The end result was a really beautiful and classy affair!
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    futuremrscousins2015 said:
    Hey knotties!! I need your help! Opinion question.  My wonderful parents have offered to pay for our wedding. On top of that, the ceremony/reception will take place in their backyard.

    Family history on both sides (including the deaths of both of my father's brothers) have caused my parents decide to not drink.  At all. Not even a drop.  This being said, my father does not want to provide any type of alcoholic beverages for the big day.

    I have not talked to him about this because I haven't decided whether it is worth the discussion.  His hesitancy is due to both the liability and the fact that at my brother and SIL's wedding two years ago, their friends conducted themselves quite poorly.  

    I personally enjoy beer and/or wine in moderation and would appreciate as a guest at a wedding if it was served, thus I would like to provide this for my own friends and fam.

    So here's what I need to know: Have any of you had a dry wedding, and how did you do it? OR As a guest, have you gone to a dry wedding and how did the guests respond? Did it feel like something was "missing?"

    We have also thought of drink tickets, but he nixed that as well.  (And not every single guest will be aware about my family history since the deaths happened quite some time ago.)

    Thanks for your help!!! 
    I wouldn't mind a dry wedding, but I would definitely side-eye drink tickets. 

    There are lots of alternatives to alcohol that are still "fun" and not just water/soda. You could get a variety of glass drink dispensers with pretty-colored punches in them, or have fancy infused waters. There's lots of ideas for non-alcoholic party drinks on Pinterest, too. 
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've been to a couple of dry weddings, and I had fun. They had a large assortment of drinks, such as lemonade, fruit punch "spiked" with sparkling non-alcoholic wine, iced tea, fruit juices, flavored sodas, etc.

    People didn't stay as long as they do at a wedding with alcohol, but that's pretty normal. I don't really dance much unless I've had a drink or two (too shy), but I talked to everyone and mingled and still had a great time.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I totally understand the liability aspect. If someone gets intoxicated and gets into an accident, your parents could be sued (I would recommend an event insurance with or without alcohol. Just in case.) But if they're hosting it, they get the say on alcohol. You can have a great party without it though. The focus should be on your marriage, not whether you're hosting a full bar.

    I wouldn't be surprised though if people snuck in alcohol. If people want to drink, they're going to drink.

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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Dry weddings are a-okay. If you are worried about people missing alcoholic options, I'd have the wedding during brunch or lunch, when people are less likely to miss it.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Liatris2010 said:
    Dry weddings are a-okay. If you are worried about people missing alcoholic options, I'd have the wedding during brunch or lunch, when people are less likely to miss it.
    This.  A dry wedding is fine.  I know one should never expect alcohol at weddings but when a wedding is held in the evening people generally expect alcohol more so then they would if it were a brunch or lunch time affair.

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  • vulpiepopvulpiepop member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I've been to a couple of dry weddings and I never even noticed that alcohol was missing until after the wedding when I was looking back. 

    Both couples hosted us properly and put the money into something else: one of them put the money into food (there was a lot of really delicious food!) and the other put the money into entertainment - there was a jousting in their honor. Both of these weddings were held during the day when people generally don't drink or don't drink much so I would say that probably played a big role, although I know in the latter wedding, a couple of people sneaked in alcohol.

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  • weddingcactusweddingcactus member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have been to several dry wedding receptions. They are quite common in my region (due to a predominant religion that abstains). As long as it is properly hosted with sufficient seating, food, beverages, and bathrooms, there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I do agree that you may see less dancing and/or some people leaving earlier. I have no objection to alcohol free mealtime, but I'm probably not going to be doing any dancing or staying up to all hours of the night if there's no booze and nothing else to do. Most recently we went to my fiance's cousin's dry wedding and a group of us left after the meal to hit a nearby pub and hang out. I'm sure many of the guests stayed after we did. 
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  • KahlylaKahlyla member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Dry weddings are perfectly acceptable. I think it would be fun to do something fun and interesting with the drinks, as some PPs have mentioned - root beer floats, sparkling punch, mocktails, something. :)
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would be so pumped if I went to a wedding and they had root beer floats.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    wrigleyville said:

    I would be so pumped if I went to a wedding and they had root beer floats.

    Someone mentioned milkshakes earlier. I was sold.

    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    wrigleyville said:

    I would be so pumped if I went to a wedding and they had root beer floats.

    Me too-or any other beverage topped with whipped cream and a cherry.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mikenberger said:
    I would be so pumped if I went to a wedding and they had root beer floats.
    Someone mentioned milkshakes earlier. I was sold.
    This.  The couple would have my heart forever if there were milkshakes.

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  • retterinretterin member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    There's nothing at all wrong with a dry reception! It is the norm in my part of the country, and most people don't even notice.

    Our wedding and reception are being held at a public park, so no booze allowed. This was an issue for the FI and his family at first (they make wine and wanted to provide their own as a gift), but after thinking about it some we decided that the venue was too good to pass up despite this restriction. Instead of alcohol, we are serving "mocktails" and plenty of food. We're also minimizing the dancing portion of the event, so no one will miss their liquid courage :)
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  • aggiespartanaggiespartan member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    There's certainly  nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but I'll be the black sheep here and say that I certainly enjoy alcohol at weddings.  I do agree that you should do an earlier wedding if it's dry.  

    Maybe you could have an after party at your favorite spot after the formal wedding/reception.  
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    aggiespartan said:

    There's certainly  nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but I'll be the black sheep here and say that I certainly enjoy alcohol at weddings.  I do agree that you should do an earlier wedding if it's dry.  


    Maybe you could have an after party at your favorite spot after the formal wedding/reception.  
    Whoa. WHOA. Don't treat us all like we're not total lushes. I love alcohol so much that I brew my own beer and have 5+ taps in my basement. However, it wouldn't stop me from attending a wedding and I wouldn't be upset about it. Its just my preference :)

    But still. Milkshakes. HOLLER.

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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mikenberger said:
    There's certainly  nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but I'll be the black sheep here and say that I certainly enjoy alcohol at weddings.  I do agree that you should do an earlier wedding if it's dry.  

    Maybe you could have an after party at your favorite spot after the formal wedding/reception.  
    Whoa. WHOA. Don't treat us all like we're not total lushes. I love alcohol so much that I brew my own beer and have 5+ taps in my basement. However, it wouldn't stop me from attending a wedding and I wouldn't be upset about it. Its just my preference :) But still. Milkshakes. HOLLER.
    Needless to say, our guests shared that opinion. ;) And I really am a lush on occasion.
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I really really want a milkshake now. Terribly.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you'd like to accept your parents' generous offer, you're going to have to accept the condition of a dry wedding. Otherwise, you and FI will need to pay for it yourselves. I've never been to a dry wedding (or that many weddings in general) but I don't see anything wrong with having one. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why. 

    Also, all this talk of milkshakes is making me desperately want one. Thanks a lot, guys. :P
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  • aggiespartanaggiespartan member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I like milkshakes as much as the next person, but if you're doing a backyard wedding, make sure you have a way to keep them frozen.  I wouldn't want a half melted shake.  
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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have never been to a dry wedding but as long as it was well hosted I wouldn't mind it. I agree that it should be an earlier in the day affair, and that you have to expect that people will not party as hard. 

    I like the idea of an earlier poster that maybe OP you could go out with friends after to a spot that did have booze. If you could afford it maybe treat your friends to a round or two. 
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    I've been to dry weddings.  Frankly, I don't enjoy them as much.  But they're still absolutely okay.  One was at a Baptist church with the reception in the fellowship hall in the basement.  I completely understood why it was dry.  Others have been dry for budget reasons.  I don't think I danced or stayed as late, but I still was just as happy for the couple.

    You need to make an all or nothing decision--either dry or not dry.  But don't try to cut some middle ground with drink tickets.  Not to mention, this would be insulting to who is offering to pay.  Ideas like an afternoon or brunch wedding are ways to make it less noticeable--while I'd enjoy a mimosa at brunch, I'm not going to miss it.  I would definitely miss four glasses of wine if I'm expected to still be doing the chicken dance at midnight.

    Yes--your event insurance policy will probably be less because you aren't having alcohol.  Mine was about $250 for an open bar event at an estate that required a rider for the however many millions the property was worth.  Yours will be less.

    But, what your parents are saving on bar and insurance may be picked up elsewhere--unless this is a really small wedding, you're going to need things like a toilet trailer, parking attendants to manage traffic on the street/park cars in nearby grass, lighting for outdoors, etc.  So don't think a backyard wedding is inexpensive, or just because there isn't alcohol, there won't be a lot of work and expense.
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    wrigleyville said:
    I would be so pumped if I went to a wedding and they had root beer floats.
    I did this!  Mini root beer floats as part of the late night menu.  There were about eight of them on each silver tray the servers were passing, and they were getting mobbed.  The servers were constantly having to replenish.  Definitely a hit.  I'd post a pic if it wasn't such a PITA--photographer put the pics on disc and my laptop at work doesn't have disc drive.  I really should go buy a flash drive for them...
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