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Flower girl dress help

megan0784megan0784 member
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in Wedding Party
I need some advice. My future sister in law is my flower girls mother. The flower girl will be almost 5 years old at our wedding. The sister lives out of state, but was home for Thanksgiving. Mostly my future MIL and I talk and discuss the wedding details. My fiance's mother, sister and I planned to go flower girl dress shopping in December sometime when SIL was back in town. I haven't really decided on a dress style for her or given it a lot of thought yet. I still have to pick my bridesmaid dresses. Anyway, the sister text me yesterday that she had bought her daughters flower girl dress! I was a little speechless and a lot upset. I asked her to send me a picture of it, and at first she didn't want to in case I didn't like it. She can not return the dress either. I am just stunned that she bought the dress without discussing Anything with me! The only thing we had briefly discussed was that it be ivory to match my dress, that is it! 

Her mother can sew, and we might be able to alter the dress to what I want. I am not sure what I want yet, but now I feel trapped into using this dress that I am not a fan of. I don't really know what to say to her though to not make her feel like crap and get the future family mad at me. She is also going through a divorce and hard times right now, so I feel a little bad. It is MY wedding though... 
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Re: Flower girl dress help

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yeah, that was inappropriate of her, but if that dress would pass muster with you, notwithstanding that she chose it without your input, does it make sense to make it a hill you want to die on?

    If you're otherwise okay with the dress, you could tell her, "That's a nice dress, but it does bother me that you just went ahead and bought it without my input. I would really appreciate it if, going forward, you wouldn't take it upon yourself to make unilateral decisions about my wedding. I'm really not okay with that."
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Sorry I'm on the other side of the fence, but then again I thought Flower Girls were suppose to match the bride more then the BM unless the Flower Girl is going to wear the same color as the BM. If its the color you want, then I would let it go because she'll coordinate with the look of the wedding. Should she have sent you a quick text "Hey I found this dress for a great price, is this ok with you?" yes, but she didn't. I don't personally think this is one of the items to get yourself worked up over. A flower girl is such a minor part of the day. Hey, she could have a melt down & not even walk down the isle & then no one would see her.
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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    Erikan73. A cute little kid in an ivory dress is a cute little kid in an ivory dress. Is it annoying that she ran off and bought it without even telling you, after you guys had plans to go shopping together? Yeah. Is it a big deal? Nope. Not worth getting upset over. It's the right color, so cool. 

    I could not care less what my flower girl wears. I was thinking ivory would be pretty to match my dress, but then FMIL told FBIL (who's the dad of the flower girl) to pick out a pink dress. I didn't correct her, cuz I thought "hm pink could be cute too." As long as the kid is happy with her dress so she's not throwing a tantrum over it, I don't care. Most people will look at your flower girl for about 20 seconds and then forget about her because they'll all be more focused on the bride and groom. 

    And side note, if you blow this up into a big issue, you'll likely hurt your relationship with your in-laws over something silly, and it won't be worth it. 

    ETF: words 
    image
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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    I understand your annoyance when you already had plans, but IMO this isn't something to get super upset over. Why does the flower girl's dress matter so much? I don't think this will have a big impact on your wedding day.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


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    vmj23vmj23 member
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    I personally didn't care what my bridesmaids or flower girl wore.  I told the BMs a color and let them pick what they wanted and told my sis in law to buy the flower girl whatever.   Sure it was our wedding but they were wearing it and paying for it.   Is it really a big deal what dress she is wearing? I am assuming she is the only flower girl so you don't have to worry about getting other dreses to match?   There are going to be a million decisions you will have to make in regards to wedding plans, the dress the flower girl is wearing isn't going to ruin your day or change anything about the day.    While I can see why you are upset she didn't at least ask you first, is it really worth family conflict over?   

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    megan0784megan0784 member
    First Comment
    Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate the different views, and probably will let it go. 
    Yes, she is the only flower girl. She is the light of his family's eye though, and a lot of focus will be on her too...
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