We've kept our wedding guest list relatively small (under 60) for various reasons - our budget, we're trying to create an intimate atmosphere by only having family and our closest friends, my "side" would be much larger than "his" if we had a larger guest list because many people in his life live at the other end of the country and wouldn't have the means to travel, the space is limited, etc…
When we first chose our wedding date, my uncle asked if his son and daughter and their SOs would be invited. We said that we knew we wanted to have an intimate wedding but we hadn't discussed the guest list yet. He asked why we wanted to have an intimate wedding so we ended up having a conversation about our reasons.
Fast-forward six months. We decide to invite these cousins. One is twenty-four and engaged so we invited the fiance; the other is nineteen and has an on again/off again boyfriend that we've met twice (doesn't live with him) so we decided not to invite him. This was clearly indicated on the envelopes - we sent one to the twenty-four year old and his fiance and another to the parents' house with the daughter's name (she still lives at home).
The parents called to let me know that they'll be coming but that the cousins AND THEIR SOs won't because they're going on a trip at that time (they didn't use the provided RSVP method). I said "we're excited you'll be joining us, no problem for the cousins!" (my aunt was very apologetic).
So… then… a few weeks later (tonight), I receive a text message from my uncle asking if it's too late for my cousins AND THEIR SOs to change their minds (the trip fell through because of finances).
My uncle keeps assuming and talking as though the boyfriend was invited. We were wrong not to invite him? How do you kindly say that someone is not invited? I don't think that saying, "we're very happy that "cousin, cousin, and fiance will be attending" will be enough for my uncle to get it. Should I actually say, "we're very happy that cousin, cousin, and fiance will be attending, but unfortunately boyfriend was not invited"? That seems very rude!
(Side note: WTF my cousin is twenty-four years old and can't ask himself? Maybe he's embarrassed or whatever, but he even got his parents to decline for him and the fiance. I get the feeling that he doesn't really care about coming but his parents decided the cousins should come when the travel plans fell through.)
EDIT. I went into bridezilla zone on this one… Thanks for the input. This is my response below.
I get what everyone is saying. We made a mistake in not inviting the boyfriend. We responded a few minutes ago with "we're very happy that they'll be coming" and we'll add a seat for the boyfriend.
I think that what is actually bothering me has little to do with this invite situation but the fact that my twenty-four year old cousin isn't the one who picked up the phone to let me know that their plans have changed. Everyone in my family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, their parents - has always REALLY babied these two cousins (particularly the nephew).
Anyway - it was our mistake and we fixed it (with a nudge from you guys and some hints from my uncle). The family stuff is for another day.