Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wearing wedding dress a second time--tacky?

Hello all--first post here, as I've run into a bit of a situation.

My fiancé and I live in the Paris metro area and are getting married in July in our neighborhood's town hall, the only place in which you can have a legally recognized marriage in France. We are having a small reception (40 people) at a really gorgeous restaurant/catering hall. My parents, however, want to throw us another party in New York a few months afterwards (probably in October), as most of my family will not be able to afford to fly out to Paris just to attend my wedding. I figure, hey, it'll make my parents happy, and I won't say no to another party. :D

However, in reading the threads on this forum, I've started thinking that maybe I shouldn't wear my wedding dress to the second party Stateside. I'd really love to, don't get me wrong, but I do have another dress that I already own that would do nicely, and maybe it would be more appropriate for a second reception kind of deal. What do you all think?

Re: Wearing wedding dress a second time--tacky?

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    daria24 said:
    This is an unpopular opinion with the regs, but I wouldn't give a shit if you wore your wedding dress to the party. As long as you aren't pretending it's a wedding (ie with an exchange of vows, walking down the aisle, throwing the bouquet, etc) I like seeing women in their wedding dresses. SUE ME REGS.

    Depending on the style of dress and venue there might be a small side-eye. IE, if you have a full ballgown with cathedral length train and the party is at Chuckie Cheese, I will think you've lost your mind. 

    This is me too. I personally love when a bride wears her dress again. But don't make it another wedding.
    Vivandiere8edenislejaprincess24
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    daria24 said:

    This is an unpopular opinion with the regs, but I wouldn't give a shit if you wore your wedding dress to the party. As long as you aren't pretending it's a wedding (ie with an exchange of vows, walking down the aisle, throwing the bouquet, etc) I like seeing women in their wedding dresses. SUE ME REGS.


    Depending on the style of dress and venue there might be a small side-eye. IE, if you have a full ballgown with cathedral length train and the party is at Chuckie Cheese, I will think you've lost your mind. 
    No no no. Where the problem is with the PPD is when the couple is lying to their family and acting like its a wedding. If everybody knows you're already married and its a party to celebrate the nuptials that they couldn't make -- that's absolutely fine. Party it up, lady! I probably wouldn't wear my dress again, but that's me. I wouldn't side eye someone wanting to wear it again though. I would side eye a full wedding with bridesmaids etc. Just have a party :)

    image
    levioosa
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    daria24 said:
    This is an unpopular opinion with the regs, but I wouldn't give a shit if you wore your wedding dress to the party. As long as you aren't pretending it's a wedding (ie with an exchange of vows, walking down the aisle, throwing the bouquet, etc) I like seeing women in their wedding dresses. SUE ME REGS.

    Depending on the style of dress and venue there might be a small side-eye. IE, if you have a full ballgown with cathedral length train and the party is at Chuckie Cheese, I will think you've lost your mind. 
    To the bolded: totally agree. 

    It sounds like everyone at the NY party is going to know you got married, so I don't think it's a big deal.  
    ________________________________


  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    IMHO, I think it's silly to wear your wedding dress to an event that isn't your wedding. But as long as everyone already knows you're married and you're not pretending you're still a bride, it's a pretty "victimless crime" if that makes sense!

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    mrstrevor3MobKaz
  • AnaLaNanaAnaLaNana member
    Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2014
    IMHO, I think it's silly to wear your wedding dress to an event that isn't your wedding. But as long as everyone already knows you're married and you're not pretending you're still a bride, it's a pretty "victimless crime" if that makes sense!
    In all honesty, there might be some of that. Also, yes, everyone will know that we will have gotten married 3 months earlier. (I guess we'll have to send out announcements? Just counting on Facebook is probably tacky, no?)

    My mom has also been (she thinks subtly, in reality, not at all subtly) pressuring us to do some more "reception-y" things at the party that she and my dad are throwing us: she wants us to read vows to each other (European civil services are very strict about who says what--in France, the only words that the couple says are "Oui" when they read you the "Do you, blah blah blah, accept to take blah blah blah as your spouse, etc.), there will definitely be speeches, and I think she also wants the DJ to do the whole "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. LaNana" (which I will fight tooth or nail against, I hate stuff like that. No offense at all to anyone who did that, it's just completely not my thing).

    I am very hesitant to do all of these things (Fiancé and I are not really "wedding" people. The idea of having two parties, even two small parties, does not appeal strictly because I have to plan two events.) The thing is,  feel slightly guilty about getting married in France instead of near my family in NY. It's a necessity because it will make things for my immigration rigmarole much easier if our marriage certificate is already in French, but for various reasons I am my parents' only child who will get married, and I feel a bit like I owe it to my parents (well, really, my mother, bless my dad, he gives no shits. He just wants free food and to see his kid married!) to humor them at least with the things that I am not fundamentally against. I am probably going to hire an interpreter for our civil ceremony, though. I also found a gorgeous text that I'd love to read in French at our reception and in English at the New York party.

    So, wedding dress, ok, but speeches, introductions, and "vows"?

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I would skip the vows. That turns your celebration into a wedding. Which you're celebrating, yay! :) honestly, I see these parties as a really amazing cocktail party.

    image
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm with you on the introductions, I friggin hate them and skipped it at my wedding. 

    I think a speech is fine, the 50th Anniversary parties I've been always have a toast to the happy couple. I just wouldn't go overboard. One speech from the hosts thanking everyone for coming and wishing you guys well is fine.

    I'm not a fan of vows at a non-wedding. I think it's weird that your mother is insisting on them. I can understand that the couple may want to say vows to each other, but I would do that privately, not at a party.

    Things I would side-eye:
    -A wedding party/best man/MOH
    -A ceremony
    -Bouquet/garter toss (but in fairness, I side eye them at weddings too, I loathe the tradition


    Things I would not side-eye
    -A spotlight dance with you and your husband (it's not your first dance as husband and wife, but I think 90 seconds of a special dance is fine, it's done at anniversary parties in my circle). I wouldn't do parent dances though. You can certainly dance with your parents while the dance floor is open.
    -cake cutting-a lot of people on TK disagree with this one, but in my circle the guest(s) of honor always cut the cake, whether it's a birthday party, shower, anniversary party, wedding, etc. It's cake. Cut it. 

    image
    Jessie42613
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    IMHO, I think it's silly to wear your wedding dress to an event that isn't your wedding. But as long as everyone already knows you're married and you're not pretending you're still a bride, it's a pretty "victimless crime" if that makes sense!

    I disagree here.  Since most of OP's family was not able to see her in a wedding gown, they may love to see it.  As long as you're open about already being married and don't pretend this is a wedding, I wouldn't side eye this at all.
    AlexisA01
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm team wear the dress. I want to see it, sue me.
    No to vows.
    Brief toasts by 2 or 3 people (i.e. one parent on each side and one front eh B&G) I think are fine. Toasts are often given at parties, not just wedding receptions.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    weddingcactus
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    daria24 said:
    I'm with you on the introductions, I friggin hate them and skipped it at my wedding. 

    I think a speech is fine, the 50th Anniversary parties I've been always have a toast to the happy couple. I just wouldn't go overboard. One speech from the hosts thanking everyone for coming and wishing you guys well is fine.

    I'm not a fan of vows at a non-wedding. I think it's weird that your mother is insisting on them. I can understand that the couple may want to say vows to each other, but I would do that privately, not at a party.

    Things I would side-eye:
    -A wedding party/best man/MOH
    -A ceremony
    -Bouquet/garter toss (but in fairness, I side eye them at weddings too, I loathe the tradition


    Things I would not side-eye
    -A spotlight dance with you and your husband (it's not your first dance as husband and wife, but I think 90 seconds of a special dance is fine, it's done at anniversary parties in my circle). I wouldn't do parent dances though. You can certainly dance with your parents while the dance floor is open.
    -cake cutting-a lot of people on TK disagree with this one, but in my circle the guest(s) of honor always cut the cake, whether it's a birthday party, shower, anniversary party, wedding, etc. It's cake. Cut it. 

    Ditto this.  

    I get why we often say ditch the dress, because it can be inappropriate (like wearing a fancy ballgown to a backyard BBQ celebration) or slightly AW.  But honestly, if I'm paying that much for a dress, I want to wear the hell out of it.  I wouldn't side eye all that much if I was a guest.  I get it.  It's beautiful, you feel beautiful in it, you spent a lot of money on it, and your family probably wants to see it.  It's also a victimless crime.  

    As for the cake cutting, we take a moment to acknowledge birthday cake with a song and the cutting, so I don't know why it becomes that big of a deal for a vow renewal/celebration.  It's cake.  Knowing that a cake cutting is happening means I know that cake is in my imminent future. Give me cake.  


    image
  • Only caution I will give you on the rewearing of the dress - depending on the style and your wedding - you may have to get it cleaned and fixed. The bottom of my dress was FILTHY by the end of the night and so many people had stepped on the back of it that many of the bustles (I had like a million as I had 8 layers of gown!) were broken/ falling, etc. I would be looking at every bit of probably $200-$300 to get it back to even close to what it looked like in order to rewear it.
  • edited December 2014
    AnaLaNana said:
    IMHO, I think it's silly to wear your wedding dress to an event that isn't your wedding. But as long as everyone already knows you're married and you're not pretending you're still a bride, it's a pretty "victimless crime" if that makes sense!
    In all honesty, there might be some of that. Also, yes, everyone will know that we will have gotten married 3 months earlier. (I guess we'll have to send out announcements? Just counting on Facebook is probably tacky, no?)

    My mom has also been (she thinks subtly, in reality, not at all subtly) pressuring us to do some more "reception-y" things at the party that she and my dad are throwing us: she wants us to read vows to each other (European civil services are very strict about who says what--in France, the only words that the couple says are "Oui" when they read you the "Do you, blah blah blah, accept to take blah blah blah as your spouse, etc.), there will definitely be speeches, and I think she also wants the DJ to do the whole "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. LaNana" (which I will fight tooth or nail against, I hate stuff like that. No offense at all to anyone who did that, it's just completely not my thing).

    I am very hesitant to do all of these things (Fiancé and I are not really "wedding" people. The idea of having two parties, even two small parties, does not appeal strictly because I have to plan two events.) The thing is,  feel slightly guilty about getting married in France instead of near my family in NY. It's a necessity because it will make things for my immigration rigmarole much easier if our marriage certificate is already in French, but for various reasons I am my parents' only child who will get married, and I feel a bit like I owe it to my parents (well, really, my mother, bless my dad, he gives no shits. He just wants free food and to see his kid married!) to humor them at least with the things that I am not fundamentally against. I am probably going to hire an interpreter for our civil ceremony, though. I also found a gorgeous text that I'd love to read in French at our reception and in English at the New York party.

    So, wedding dress, ok, but speeches, introductions, and "vows"?






    ETA: Gah! Broken boxes!





    The bolded is the part that would make me politely decline letting them host this party. The first two in particular. For one thing, speeches have no place even at weddings. At absolute MOST a few people may stand up and deliver a 30-second toast to the couple. No speeches. They're boring and everyone hates them. Introductions bug me at weddings too. Everyone knows who the guests of honor are; why would anyone attend if they didn't?
    image
  • AnaLaNanaAnaLaNana member
    Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2014
    AnaLaNana said:
    IMHO, I think it's silly to wear your wedding dress to an event that isn't your wedding. But as long as everyone already knows you're married and you're not pretending you're still a bride, it's a pretty "victimless crime" if that makes sense!
    In all honesty, there might be some of that. Also, yes, everyone will know that we will have gotten married 3 months earlier. (I guess we'll have to send out announcements? Just counting on Facebook is probably tacky, no?)

    My mom has also been (she thinks subtly, in reality, not at all subtly) pressuring us to do some more "reception-y" things at the party that she and my dad are throwing us: she wants us to read vows to each other (European civil services are very strict about who says what--in France, the only words that the couple says are "Oui" when they read you the "Do you, blah blah blah, accept to take blah blah blah as your spouse, etc.), there will definitely be speeches, and I think she also wants the DJ to do the whole "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. LaNana" (which I will fight tooth or nail against, I hate stuff like that. No offense at all to anyone who did that, it's just completely not my thing).

    I am very hesitant to do all of these things (Fiancé and I are not really "wedding" people. The idea of having two parties, even two small parties, does not appeal strictly because I have to plan two events.) The thing is,  feel slightly guilty about getting married in France instead of near my family in NY. It's a necessity because it will make things for my immigration rigmarole much easier if our marriage certificate is already in French, but for various reasons I am my parents' only child who will get married, and I feel a bit like I owe it to my parents (well, really, my mother, bless my dad, he gives no shits. He just wants free food and to see his kid married!) to humor them at least with the things that I am not fundamentally against. I am probably going to hire an interpreter for our civil ceremony, though. I also found a gorgeous text that I'd love to read in French at our reception and in English at the New York party.

    So, wedding dress, ok, but speeches, introductions, and "vows"?






    ETA: Gah! Broken boxes!





    The bolded is the part that would make me politely decline letting them host this party. The first two in particular. For one thing, speeches have no place even at weddings. At absolute MOST a few people may stand up and deliver a 30-second toast to the couple. No speeches. They're boring and everyone hates them. Introductions bug me at weddings too. Everyone knows who the guests of honor are; why would anyone attend if they didn't?


    Stupid still-broken boxes!

    By speeches, I meant toasts--sorry, everyone. My mom was the one using the word "speech", I'm pretty sure she meant "toast" as well, but one never knows...

    My dress will be short, so I don't think we're going to run into any appropriateness problems there. 

    I'm going to talk to my mom again--I think she wants all of this because the reception in France will be mostly in French, and she (and my dad, but as I said, he cares less) will really only have my one aunt and uncle who might be coming to talk to. Most of my French friends speak English, as I was a tutor at the Anglophone Studies program of a French university, but they will mostly be socializing with each other and not my 60-year-old parents. I think she wants a sort of "redo" of certain things in her own country in her own language, which is why I'm not really against humoring her to a certain extent. I'm going to try to talk her out of the vows, but, I wouldn't feel comfortable telling them to not have the party at all. I feel like that would be really selfish. Maybe I am too whipped by guilt (as I said, I am the only child of theirs who will ever get married), but I feel like this party is a concession that I should make to my parents. I'll maybe talk to my dad and get him to work on my mom.

    Thank you all so much for the advice!
  • WEAR THE DRESS!!!!!!!! I've attended two receptions for newlyweds who were married a couple of weeks before the reception. In both cases, the actual wedding ceremony was very small, just a few people, out of town. For the reception, both brides wore their dresses. Everybody was aware they were already married, we were just having a big party to celebrate their wedding, and I think it felt right with the brides wearing their wedding dresses.
  •    I would prefer you wear the dress. I want to see you in it! We don't do PPD's in our family. We do have AHR's pretty commonly (no reenactment of the vows, bouquet toss, etc) and the bride always starts out in her dress, although she usually changes later. If you are going to pay that much for a gown I say wear it! It's a victim less crime anyway and doesn't really affect your guests comfort. 

         Although I did see the argument once that great aunt Martha might be confused if she sees a wedding gown and no wedding ceremony and that might affect her comfort, but I think that's really reaching for it. We don't have anyone in our family who confuses that easily (yet).

       The bride and groom usually cut the cake as the hosts of the event as well, but then they serve it to everyone and forgo the ceremonial feeding of each other. I don't care who cuts the cake as long as I get a slice!
    [Deleted User]
  • I agree, nothing wrong with wearing the dress again, just don't "re-do" the wedding. 

    A wedding dress is special yes, but it is also just a dress (it's not what makes a wedding, as we all know). You spent a lot of money for a bunch of fabric, and if you feel great in it, I say go on and wear it!! 

    As for the rest...

    I think toasts are OK. I would expect you and your husband to thank your guests for coming anyway. I think you are fine here as long as toasts aren't made to "the bride and groom"- you are husband and wife now.

    No vows- that already happened. 

    I think it would be fine for you and your husband to open up the dance floor (which is very appropriate for the guests of honour to open the dance floor at any event), as long as it's not "ladies and gentlemen, please watch the recent bride and groom enjoy their first dance together in America" (because that is obviously strange). 

    Similar with introductions- what would there be to introduce? "Just in case you forgot, this is your family member AnaLaNana and her husband. They got married last month". :P

    I'm with Fairy on the cake- I don't care who cuts it as long as I get some! Feeding each other cake comes from the idea of feeding each other the first meal. I assume you'll have many meals with your husband before this celebration, so it would be a moot point. 

    Enjoy your celebration! 
  • We had an AHR that my mom tried to make into a wedding re-enactment. I insisted it be a very casual, open house, bbq-type event with a bar. A lot of people asked if I was going to wear my dress and I found the suggestion really silly. (Though at a different kind of party it might not have seemed as out of place.)

    Ultimately, going by all the PP, it seems like you should do what makes you most comfortable, and just keep the other stuff (speeches etc) to a minimum!
  • AnaLaNanaAnaLaNana member
    Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2014
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Sorry, but no. Youre already married, FFS!

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Sorry, but no. Youre already married, FFS!
    Whoa. All right then. I guess I'll see myself out.
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Maybe not recite vows to each other but perhaps a toast to each other?

    image
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    AnaLaNana said:
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Sorry, but no. Youre already married, FFS!
    Whoa. All right then. I guess I'll see myself out.
    Didn't mean to be rude, but seriously I just don't get the point? You're married already. If you want to celebrate afterwards with this party, fine, but it seems like there are way too many AW wedding trappings involved with this. Just saying my opinion that I would roll my eyes hard.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    [Deleted User]
  • AnaLaNanaAnaLaNana member
    Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2014
    AnaLaNana said:
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Sorry, but no. Youre already married, FFS!
    Whoa. All right then. I guess I'll see myself out.
    Didn't mean to be rude, but seriously I just don't get the point? You're married already. If you want to celebrate afterwards with this party, fine, but it seems like there are way too many AW wedding trappings involved with this. Just saying my opinion that I would roll my eyes hard.


    ARGH, stupid broken boxes. My response:

    I do appreciate the honesty, I'm just a bit taken aback by how strong the feelings are about these things here. I'm fairly young (24) and am the first of my friends to get married, so, I really don't have anything to compare any of this to. In all honesty, if it weren't for the fact that I have no other way of staying in France indefinitely (besides doing a PhD thesis, which I definitely don't want to do), marriage wouldn't even be on FI and I's radar. We love each other very much and are super excited to be married, but we are definitely not the kind of people who have really bought into the wedding industry. Now that we're immersed in it (well, now that I'm immersed in it, FI is definitely the "tell me what to wear and when to show up" kind of guy. The problem is that I'm like that too!), I'm having a hard time sorting through all its trappings.

    @mikenberger, that's actually more what I had in mind! I'm pretty sure that will mollify all interested parties with minimal side-eye involved.
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Eh, It wouldn't bother me one bit if you said your vows. You could do them in a toast to each other?

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2014
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Just because the mayor/rep is saying most of the words of the vows (i.e. this is what marriage is, will you enter into marriage?), to which you then consent, doesn't mean you're not making vows. The fact that the words are formalized also does not disqualify them from being vows. Those are your vows. edit boxfix
    [Deleted User]
  • HeatherKatHeatherKat the Frozen Tundra member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    AnaLaNana said:
    SP29 said:

    No vows- that already happened. 


    That's the thing--they won't have. There are no vows in French civil ceremonies--the mayor (or really, his/her adjoint on call that day, unless you are in with the local government) asks you, after having read the French civil code on marriage, "Do you consent to take blah blah blah as your husband/wife?", you say, "Yes (well, hopefully :P), the offciant gives you the rings, you put them on each other's fingers, you kiss, people clap. C'est tout, as the French say. This is why I'm more inclined to humor my mother with the vows.
    Just because the mayor/rep is saying most of the words of the vows (i.e. this is what marriage is, will you enter into marriage?), to which you then consent, doesn't mean you're not making vows. The fact that the words are formalized also does not disqualify them from being vows. Those are your vows. edit box fix
    Maybe I'm missing something here, but my understanding is that France requires a separate civil ceremony from the religious one-- and that is perfectly acceptable. Why can't she say vows at her AHR? I legit don't get the difference.
    Amor vincet omnia.... par liones.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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