Shower guest list question

aprilbride419 · December 2014

Hi all, I'd love some opinions! I am putting together a shower guest list for my shower host. On my FH's side, there are a few women that I know reasonably well who I decided to add--two aunts and a cousin. Also, of course, his mother and sister (who is a BM).I just got off the phone with FMIL and mentioned I was inviting these women, and she started telling me other people she wanted me to add. It amounts to another aunt, who I have never met, a cousin who I have never spoken to, and a family friend who I have never met.I feel firm on not inviting the friend, but should I add the other aunt and cousin? I think it might be weird to have people there that I would need to be introduced to. But should I just do it to avoid tension?Opinions appreciated!

mikenberger · December 2014

aprilbride419 said:
Hi all, I'd love some opinions! I am putting together a shower guest list for my shower host. On my FH's side, there are a few women that I know reasonably well who I decided to add--two aunts and a cousin. Also, of course, his mother and sister (who is a BM).
I just got off the phone with FMIL and mentioned I was inviting these women, and she started telling me other people she wanted me to add. It amounts to another aunt, who I have never met, a cousin who I have never spoken to, and a family friend who I have never met.
I feel firm on not inviting the friend, but should I add the other aunt and cousin? I think it might be weird to have people there that I would need to be introduced to. But should I just do it to avoid tension?
Opinions appreciated!

If they are invited to your shower, they MUST be invited to your wedding. Inviting people that are not invited to the wedding makes you appear gift grabby. Good luck

lovegood90 · December 2014

You're fine to invite whoever you want as long as they're invited to the wedding too.

aprilbride419 · December 2014

Thanks everyone. Yes, these are people invited to the wedding, who I have not met. I have been with FH for 5 years and attended all holiday events and special celebrations, but have still never met these individuals. Without getting into a long winded explanation, I'll just say they don't seem particularly interested in going to family events. I already plan to invite the female relatives of FH who I know fairly well, but would you ladies extend the list to your FH's female relatives you have never met?

I'm truly open to opinions here, it won't upset me to add them. Just seems weird, as everyone else in attendance will be the women closest to me.

mikenberger · December 2014

Personally, no. But if my FMIL is hosting and paying for the shower, then I'd invite them. Its honestly, not a hill to die on.

lovegood90 · December 2014

aprilbride419 said:

Thanks everyone. Yes, these are people invited to the wedding, who I have not met. I have been with FH for 5 years and attended all holiday events and special celebrations, but have still never met these individuals. Without getting into a long winded explanation, I'll just say they don't seem particularly interested in going to family events. I already plan to invite the female relatives of FH who I know fairly well, but would you ladies extend the list to your FH's female relatives you have never met?

I'm truly open to opinions here, it won't upset me to add them. Just seems weird, as everyone else in attendance will be the women closest to me.

To the bolded: I personally wouldn't, because it seems a bit gift grabby IMO. Showers should just include your nearest and dearest, not every female wedding guest.

aprilbride419 · December 2014

To be clear, FMIL is not hosting/paying in any capacity.

mikenberger · December 2014

Then no, I wouldn't invite them. I wouldn't have even discussed the shower with her. Its not her concern.

aprilbride419 · December 2014

Mikenberger, you are probably right. I didn't even think it would be a problem. From FH's side I have on the list his mother, sister, two aunts and a cousin. I thought this was pretty good, given it will be an intimate shower of my closest people. It just didn't occur to me that in telling FMIL I was inviting these individuals, her response would be "Great, now add x, y and z as well."

mikenberger · December 2014

aprilbride419 said:
Mikenberger, you are probably right. I didn't even think it would be a problem. From FH's side I have on the list his mother, sister, two aunts and a cousin. I thought this was pretty good, given it will be an intimate shower of my closest people. It just didn't occur to me that in telling FMIL I was inviting these individuals, her response would be "Great, now add x, y and z as well."

Totally understand

I would go with who you want there and enjoy your shower. Especially if you're not inviting other random family members you're not close with. I wouldn't worry about it. And if I were those family members, I wouldn't have given it a second thought (not being invited), honestly.

Teddy917 · December 2014

What you could tell FMIL is that the host (which shouldn't be you) can only host x number of people.

huskypuppy14 · December 2014

It's entirely up to you who is invited to your shower, but it's not wrong to invite people you haven't met. I think how she told you and didn't ask would piss me off though. If you don't want to invite them, just tell your FMIL that you want to keep the invite list to people you know. People are used to certain things in their circle, and maybe in her circle more people are invited. It's not wrong, but it's rude to presume.

I added a bunch of woman I had never met (my husband's cousins and aunts) as well as a few family friends of my in laws. The shower was for me, but the gifts were for both me and my now husband.This is pretty common in my circle to do this.

Only 3 people came that I never met before. They were all long time family friends of my husband's family, so I had no problem. Just because I hadn't met them yet, doesn't mean I wouldn't have met them eventually.

However, because my husband's cousins and aunts live in other states they didn't attend. If MIL's friends were not invited, she wouldn't have known anyone at the shower. Your situation is different, because your MIL's own daughter will be there.

holyguacamole79 · December 2014

If FMIL is not involved with the shower, I would especially not invite them. This actually sort of happened to me recently. H has a cousin "Pete" whom I met once at our wedding, and I think he may have been at BIL's wedding. I think the only conversation I've had with Pete was during the table visits at our wedding. Pete is getting married this January to "Jane". I have never met Jane, and I was invited to her shower. I found it to be totally gift-grabby.

I would not be a Jane.

Shower guest list question

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