How do you handle ceremony etiquette when your parents are
divorced, and you were raised by your father and your stepmother? I've scoured
the web for advice on this topic, and everything out there seems to assume that
the bride is closer to her biological mother than her stepmother, or at least
equally close to both.
I've lived with my father and stepmother ever since I
was 4 years old, and grew up calling my stepmother “mom”. My biological mother was in my
life to a limited extent. I won’t get into the details of why, but we lived in
different states for most of my life, and have gone years at a time with only a
phone call or card every few months. We have a cordial relationship, but when I
think “mom”, I think of my stepmom, and all this advice that seems to imply
that the stepmother should be relegated to some secondary role starts making my
blood boil, because regardless of why things happened the way they did, at the
end of the day she was the one who did the day-to-day work of raising me and
being a mother.
Long story short, my biological mother is planning to be at
my wedding, and I’m trying to navigate how best to handle all of this with the
minimum amount of hurt feelings. I have two main areas of concern – the processional
and ceremony seating. For the processional, I’m thinking of having them walk at
the same time, on either arm of a groomsman/usher.
Seating is a bit more complicated.
I have no intention of putting my stepmom in the second row, however I don’t
want to cause any unnecessary hurt feelings on my biological mom’s side of the
family, and I’m afraid that will happen if I put my bio mom in the second row. My bio mom and stepmom have never met, and my dad hasn't seen my bio mom or her side of the family since I was 12.
Given my situation, how do I arrange the following people in
the 1st & 2nd rows?
Dad
Stepmom
Bio Mom (no spouse)
Stepmom’s mother (I consider her my Grandma)
Bio Mom’s mother
Bio Mom’s father
Bio Mom’s stepmother (married to bio mom’s father for many
years)
Any advice or suggestions would be so appreciated. I have
spent so much time agonizing over this!