Sending someone who can't come to the wedding an invite?

Re: Sending someone who can't come to the wedding an invite?

• bethsmiles member

  

  December 2014

  First, no one is obligated to give you a present. I rarely give a gift if I don't attend the wedding. So if you want to invite your mentor, invite her. She shouldn't feel any sort of obligation just because she received an invitation.

  
  

  Inviting co-workers can be tricky. You don't want to cause unnecessary drama at work. Personally, I think it should be fine to only invite people you are close to outside of work - close to meaning you would still continue a friendship if you didn't work together.

  
  

  From your post I don't think it should be a problem if you invite your mentor. And hopefully, she would have enough class to not go bragging about her invite at work. 

  
  

  
  

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• indianaalum member

  

  December 2014

  IT is always okay to invite someone who might not be able to come. Plans change, so invite whomever you would like to invite, regardless of whether they might not be able to come.

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• AddieCake member

  

  December 2014

  If you would want her at your wedding, you should invite her. It only looks gift grabby when you invite people you wouldn't normally socialize with or haven't communicated with in years.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• abbyj700 member

  

  December 2014

  I think you're just fine inviting one of the five - especially since you see her as a mentor. Say you were inviting 4 of the 5 and leaving one out - that I would see could cause issues - but this isn't the case. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  December 2014

  
  

  YourDogDontKnowSit said:

  Hi Knotties, I trust you all to set me straight on the proper way of doing things so I have a question to pose to all of you:

  
  

  I'm a teacher and work closely with the rest of my team. There are 5 other teachers and 1 assistant. The teachers are all older than me, the assistant is older too, but only by 5 years and she and I generally eat lunch together daily, etc. I guess we are "closest" in that we spend the most adult conversational time together, but she is not someone I'd consider a friend or someone I particularly like (that sounds awful, we're just two very different personalities). She has repeatedly said (obnoxiously) "I better have a table at that wedding!!" and other things that insinuate she is definitely expecting an invitation (resulting in me awkwardly bean dipping her). I haven't decided on inviting co-workers yet, but I know one of the rules is to invite in "groups" so I feel like if I invited anyone from my team, I should invite all of them. 

  
  

  There is one woman on my team that I really would love to have at my wedding - she has been my "mentor" at work for the last 2 years. She's a wonderful older woman and is just truly great. Problem is, her daughter is getting married in Connecticut the day before me (we live in NC), so she definitely won't be able to attend my wedding. I was thinking of sending her an invitation just to show her that she would be wanted if possible, even though I know it's not possible. But would that be seen as summoning a gift from her? I really don't want a gift from her, she is just so special to me that I want to show her she is someone I would have at my wedding if the circumstances were different.

  
  

  But if I invite her...do I have to invite the rest of my team? There is the assistant and one other teacher with whom I work closely on a regular basis and then the other 3 I don't know as well, but work with them daily obviously and since we're all a team it seems like I'd have to invite all or none. 

  
  

  Agh this is complicated, I guess I should just not invite any of them? I just feel sad at not communicating to my mentor that I would love to celebrate with her, but I guess I'm making a mountain of a mole hill here. What do y'all think? Also, I'm inviting one coworker from a different team/grade level because we see each other out of work and we're "real" friends, and also a second coworker is marrying us so he'll obviously be there, not sure if that changes anything. 

  Because the one person you want to invite can't come due to her own daughter getting married the same weekend, I think this is an easy, "nobody from work gets invited."  It gives you a super easy out with the woman you have lunch with if she continues to fish for an invite, "Oh, fiance and I have both decided not to invite anyone from work.  Sorry." if "we couldn't invite everyone we wanted" doesn't work for her.
  

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• SP29 member

  

  December 2014

  It is fine to invite your mentor even if you know she can't make it- still shows you are thinking about her. 

  
  

  And just because you invite her doesn't mean you have to invite the rest of the coworkers.

  
  

  Inviting in circles is recommended to dash away hard feelings, but it doesn't sound like your THAT close to these coworkers. I agree, if you regularly had lunch with all 5 of these coworkers and only invited 4, I would say yes invite them all, but when you are not that close and are only inviting one- I think that is fine.

  
  

  My personal rule on inviting coworkers is to only invite them if you would invite them to a dinner at your home with friends- not just because it's a wedding and you think you have to. As for the coworker who keeps asking, keep bean dipping and let her know "we're keeping the guest list small, close friends and family only".

  
  

  If you do invite your mentor, do mail the invite to her home, don't give it to her at work- that also keeps the separation between friends and coworkers. 

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• YourDogDontKnowSit member

  

  December 2014

  Thank you ladies for all of your advice, it pretty much unanimously proves what I was thinking - that I'm over thinking this! I need to think about this some more, but I think I'll probably not extend invites to anyone from work (except for my friend outside of work, who I found out is leaving today in the spring, so that won't be a co-worker issue anymore) and use that as my true excuse when asked by coworkers. I'll give my mentor a congratulations card to her daughter from me (we've met a few times) before we both leave for our time off before the weddings and tell her I wish she could be there. 

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