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Save the Dates - Who Gets What?

MegEn1MegEn1 member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello!

We've more or less gotten our guest list in order for our October 2015 wedding. However, since our family is very slow to move, I wanted to start gathering addresses for the Save the Dates. I've read a few articles about them - mainly who gets them - and this is my question:

Who gets them?! We have a big chunk of people coming in from out of town, as well as our friends who are local here - about an hour away from the hotel, ceremony, and reception site. Do the people an hour away get STDs as well as the people in Europe? Or is it only people who really have to travel - people who have to fly, for example? Is it an everyone or no one type deal? I was under the impression that only people who had to travel a long way or people who had small children would get them, in order to give these folks additional time to plan. Also, we're not sure within our 'friends' list who we want to invite yet. Having our invites figured out six months in advance is kind of hard!

Additional Information: Our wedding is over Columbus Day weekend.

Thanks for your help!

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Re: Save the Dates - Who Gets What?

  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    VIPS should get them. People who need to travel is a good idea. Since your wedding is on a holiday weekend, I'd send to everyone that you're sure you'll invite.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Do NOT send STDs to people who are maybes. Once you send an STD that person is invited and cannot be uninvited.

    I would send them to VIPs and people who will be coming in from out of town.


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  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Whew! Thank you all!

    Part of my big scare was people getting in and out of relationships. I didn't want to have to have all that  figured out six months in advance. Lots of people will get in/out of relationships in that time! There's plenty of people who will absolutely be invited, but if people ask I'll just say we're only doing them for family and for people who have to travel.

    I'm glad to know I'm not crazy with this plan of action.

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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    MegEn1 said:
    Whew! Thank you all!

    Part of my big scare was people getting in and out of relationships. I didn't want to have to have all that  figured out six months in advance. Lots of people will get in/out of relationships in that time! There's plenty of people who will absolutely be invited, but if people ask I'll just say we're only doing them for family and for people who have to travel.

    I'm glad to know I'm not crazy with this plan of action.
    You don't need to send STDs for SO's or +1's. Just address to the guests you definitely want to invite. If they need to know whether their SO is invited, they can ask you and you can tell them yes. No worries.
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  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Send them to everyone you intend to invite to the wedding. Remember that whoever receives an STD must also be sent an invite. Do not send STDs to SOs, the caveat being if they are living together and you are confident that they will be attending your wedding together--then you would send one and address it to the both of them. If they are a couple but not living together, just send one to your guest who you intend to invite to the wedding, and you can always put the +1 on the invites later. My FI and I are also sending them to our local guests as well so they will have something with the date and our website.
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  • Couggal12Couggal12 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would send them to everyone you are FOR SURE inviting. If someone is truly single you don't need to indicate a plus on on your STD but, if they end up being a relationship before invites go out then you need to invite their SO and make it known on the invitation. 
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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    MegEn1 said:
    Whew! Thank you all!

    Part of my big scare was people getting in and out of relationships. I didn't want to have to have all that  figured out six months in advance. Lots of people will get in/out of relationships in that time! There's plenty of people who will absolutely be invited, but if people ask I'll just say we're only doing them for family and for people who have to travel.

    I'm glad to know I'm not crazy with this plan of action.
    I totally get that. We have a large group of local friends. Three guy friends in particular were in relationships when we got engaged, but now only two are. Both of those two got into serious fights with their girlfriends in the past month that involved public fighting and slamming doors. We like the girlfriends but ultimately it is the guy friend who would be invited to our wedding. Since they are all local, I'm thinking we won't give save the dates at all to that group of friends. We've told them all verbally what the date is at any rate. We are sending save the dates only to people who are VIPs, or who we know will be invited and live out of town. 
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  • annakay511annakay511 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    We are sending STDs to everyone on our guest list. Probably 80% of our guest list is out of town, so they will need to make travel plans. But even if your guest list is not OOT, people still need to take off of work. Some people can take off work easier than others- some people need to give management several months notice (my fiance works in a place like that). Also, especially if you are getting married in the summer or over a long/holiday weekend, people might make vacation or other plans if they don't know in advance. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Send them to VIPs- people you are 100% sure you will invite. If a STD is sent, an invite must follow.

    I do think they are useful for people who need to travel, but otherwise I think they are unnecessary (an invite to the invite) and another way for the wedding industry to make more money. You could also verbally tell (or write a letter) to your friends/ OOT guests letting them know when your wedding is. But, if you love STDs, by all means send them, just make sure you are sending to people you know for sure you want to invite. 

    We sent our invitations out early because we had a fair number of guests who had to travel. We live OOT, so our families told us to bring their invitations with us when we came to visit a few months before the wedding, so all our invites went out early- no tiers, no B-lists, just early invites. 

    I know early invites are un-popular, but I don't see how they are a breech of etiquette, because it's not rude to give someone advanced notice of an event. 
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