Two Brides in One Family

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Soo does anyone have any idea how etiquette works when a brother than a sister in the same family get engaged? Is it a race to see who can plan what first? Who concedes and let's the other person plan away?

VarunaTT · December 2014

You both pick the date that works for you and your FI. Then:

1. Make sure it's not the same date as your sibling's chosen date; and

2. Be happy for your sibling and don't be a beebee (for both sides)

GBCK · December 2014

Each of you plans your own thing. it'll work.

realistically, you deal w/ the practicalities of 'can people afford to fly to 2 places in one month? Can mom handle the stress of 2 weddings in 2 weeks? Will great Aunt Gertrude be inconvenienced by making her unable to watch a football game one season, and a hockey game another season?' But beyond that there aren't rules.

Unless you're both aiming for the same weekend, beyond the practicalities that are individual to families, there aren't really problems.

(and the individual family inconveniences are going to exist no matter what. So 'oh, that weekend doesn't work for me"/"ooooh, that's going to be a lot of stress" are things that exist--but if it wasn't another wedding causing them, it'll be something else--there are ALWAYS conflicts. So plan what works best for you and yours and assume conflicts and problems just happen because we're all human)

[Deleted User] · December 2014

That's what I'm hoping will happen, we got engaged a month ago and now the other couple is engaged, I certainly don't feel it's right to ask the family of one side to attend three weddings in one year (my FI's cousin is getting married as well) so it goes Cousin, Us, FSIL, is there any suggestions on how to equally spread things out?

GBCK · December 2014

why iin tarnation WOULDN'T it be right to invite people to 3 weddings in one year?

I mean, surely no one thinks that someone's life should be put on hold because they happen to have other relatives getting married?

These people are grown ups. Invitations are not subpoenas. They can say no and do what works for them. And whose to say that if someone waits a year or 2 or 3 that anything is different? someone else will be getting married/having a baby/dying/whatever during which ever time you pick, because people have lives, and lives go on.

tawillers · December 2014

samanthaeileen2358 said:

That's what I'm hoping will happen, we got engaged a month ago and now the other couple is engaged, I certainly don't feel it's right to ask the family of one side to attend three weddings in one year (my FI's cousin is getting married as well) so it goes Cousin, Us, FSIL, is there any suggestions on how to equally spread things out?

No. There is no "the order goes like this."

Anyone can get married at any time they choose.

Also, these 3 weddings probably aren't the only 3 weddings some people will be invited to in 1-2 years.

Stop worrying about who goes first and things being "fair." Just plan your wedding (and like V said, make sure you didn't pick the same date).

weddingcactus · December 2014

I got engaged after my brother and before his wedding. In no way did it spoil the joy of his wedding or take away from it. In fact, we decided to pick the same date one year apart for our weddings and are stoked to share an anniversary. (This also means they'll be spending their first anniversary in Hawaii eating a delicious dinner and all the booze they want and generally celebrating love and family.) And some of his best friends were engaged just before I was and they'll be getting married the same month as me and it's no problem at all.

It is perfectly acceptable to all have weddings in the same year. Even the same month is fine. Just don't do them the same day, and maybe even two days apart could be a little tricky, so try to avoid that. I would start by planning what you want and just keep in contact with your brother and cousin so you don't step on one another's toes. Do not expect that you get first pick or you get to "go first" because you were engaged first. This is not a race or a competition. These are people you love and you want to make it work out for everyone.

As already mentioned, invitations are not subpoenas. Things come up in people's lives all the time that prevent them from attending weddings. I'd focus on working with your fiance and try to pick a date that works for your VIPs. If some people can't come, so be it.

IrishPirate60 · December 2014

Hey, why not on the same day? Same place. Mostly the same crowd. Share the costs and the planning.

MesmrEwe · December 2014

1. You plan your own day

2. If you notice someone is getting "one-up-manship" or "Well, we're not going to do things THAT way<ewww - why would ANYONE>"(including yourself) you stop sharing details on anything other than a need to know basis...

3. Set your date for what works best for you/fi with consideration of your guests.

4. Pool resources when possible.

5. Realize that a girl and boy sibling are different for what'll happen in the course of planning based on what each party decides for where they want/need help in the planning process. (i.e. wedding dress shopping vs. tux shopping - one takes 10 minutes to get measured, the other can take weeks.. especially if he's picky about what he does or doesn't want to wear)..

6. Roll with it and enjoy each of the days as their own distinct event.

nicole4793 · December 2014

FI's sister got engaged, and then we did 4 months later. We all planned our own special days, and it worked out well. It wasn't a race or competition or anything like that. We were able to talk about weddings together a lot, which was fun. Our weddings are totally separate days, so nothing was an issue.

chrissy0905 · December 2014

I agree with those above. Unless the brother and sister have a pre-existing feud or don't get along at all, it shouldn't be a problem. Each couple picks a date that works for them and before booking major vendors, they check with the other couple to ensure there aren't any issues. Furthermore, just because 2 couples got engaged at about the same time, that doesn't mean that both couples intend to be engaged for the same length of time. One might want a wedding quickly (6 months-1 year), while they other might want to wait longer. Best for both couples to sit down and chat about their expectations and plans, and find common ground.

My sister and I got engaged a few months apart, and we are both getting married within the next 5 months. There hasn't been any issues (we live in different cities, so nothing to compete over regarding venues and caterers), and in fact it's been fun having someone to talk about all the details that even my FI is tired of hearing about. Since there are a few months between our weddings, it gives everyone time to budget accordingly, and minimizes conflict.

mrscomposer · December 2014

My cousin got engaged last year, my sister got engaged in February, and I got engaged in July.

My cousin got married in June, my sister got married in August, and I got married in October.

No muss, no fuss. The only reason I didn't have all the cousins at my wedding was because it was nine hours away from where we're from, not because it was the third wedding in four months.

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