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Wedding Etiquette Forum
vikinganna87
member
Lush control at reception
We're having an open bar at our reception. A good friend, let's call him Sammy, is a [functioning] alcoholic. He went to his best friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago and when I asked how it was he just responded "I was f'n hammered all night, have no idea."
I'm wondering if I can instruct the bartender to only serve him beer, no hard liquor. If this is the case, I'd probably tell Sammy in advance. I think he would take it well; we're very honest with each other.
Is this rude? Are there other ways to handle it?
The open bar is not consumption-based; we're paying a flat fee, so it's unrelated to cost.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lush control at reception
Just trust your bar tenders to do their jobs and cut him off if he is too drunk to be served.
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Bartender: We were told you're a drunk and aren't allowed liquor. Here's your beer, sir.
Sammy: I'll show her.
Seriously. He's an ADULT. If you're comfortable with your relationship with him, chat beforehand about your concern. But do not tell or instruct anybody that he can't drink.
I really appreciate the advice.
Good question, @tammy1001. I need to think about this more. He was my roommate for a while and I guess it just really depressed me how he could finish an entire bottle of whiskey in one night and be so far gone that he tried to use wool blankets to clean up his mess. And remember nothing the next day. But I either need to get together with my group of friends and stage an intervention or just let it be.
I want people to get drunk and have a good time and shouldn't care if some people are really messy. It's more for their sake that I don't want them to be the laughing stock of the wedding. In my experience the ppl that get wasted at weddings and make fools of themselves are generally going through tough times. When they realize how sloppy they were they feel horrible afterwards.
You're all right, of course, I should just leave this to the professionals. Make sure the wedding coordinator reinforces that the bartender not serve overly drunk ppl.
Hopefully I'll be having such a good time myself not to care.
I agree with the bolded. My family is rife with alcoholics and addicts. You said, "I think he would take it well; we're very honest with each other." Talk to him about his drinking problem and that you are worried about him. Don't talk to him about a 5 hour block of time (your reception).
I think it is fine to point him out to the bartenders. He gets what everyone else gets to drink, but if I were a bartender I wouldn't mind the heads up.
Do trust your bartenders. At DD's wedding one of her best friends came to her wedding without his partner (partner couldn't travel that weekend). He buddied up with the old crowd and met the husband of one of them. They hit it off and decided they were going to be a "couple" for the rest of the night dancing together. They were also drinking a LOT. I heard from DD that he told her he thought the bartenders were homophobic because they were serving him weaker, smaller drinks. DD said, No, you are drunk and they are cutting you down before they cut you off!"
In all honesty though - speak to your friend about his drinking problem and his life, not the few hours your reception will last.
2. If you told me that I was specifically not allowed to have liquor because you're afraid I'll get too drunk, I'll probably just end up slamming back ALLLLLLLL the beers because you've made that my only option. In fact, one year for a New Year's Eve party, my SO asked me not to drink too much hard stuff or take too many shots because the year before I definitely went too hard with the shots lol. I decided to stick with wine for that night. Guess who still got shitfaced and started the new year with a colossal hangover? Me. My SO wasn't trying to be controlling or a jerk about it, he just reminded me that I got a little too party-happy and asked me to take it easy, which to him meant laying off any hard liquor. It didn't make a bit of difference, which of course was due to my own irresponsible drinking habits that night. The moral of the story is that people can get drunk off anything alcoholic.
Would you instruct waiters not to serve your diabetic aunt any cake? Your overweight cousin anything fattening? No? Then extend this logic to your alcoholic friend. Lots of adults make poor choices. You are not the health police, and singling out one or a few gests to be treated differently because of their issues would be very, very hurtful.
I used to know a guy who got shit-hammered on nothing but beer every chance he got. If he was cut off by a bartender, he got loud, belligerent and verbally abusive.
Do have a chat with your bartender just to reassure yourself that your friend will be cut off before the worst happens. And that there are ways a drunk can get home, and not drive drunk. Have numbers of cab companies on hand.