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Best Woman

jltobe23jltobe23 member
10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Hey everyone, I am looking for some advice or even someone to tell me its not that big of a deal. 

My FH has asked his best female friend to be his best woman. And I am completely fine with this, it was actually my idea. I am pretty close to her too.  However when we were discussing what she would wear I initially said a black dress since the guys are wearing black tuxes.  But then I thought it would be even better if she could wear the same dress as my bridesmaids but in black.  I have a little bit of OCD when it comes to color and style and numbers lol.  So she was all about it, I told her where to go to order it, and what style number it was, I thought that's what we decided on. Well, a couple of days ago my FH asked me if it was ok if she gets a different dress.  I am pretty upset that instead of her asking me and telling me why she didn't or couldn't get the same dress she just went shopping for a different one and told my FH. He said she keeps asking if I am ok with it but honestly I'm not.  I also have my sister (MOH) who is a pain and wanted to wear strapless while everyone else has straps, and when I saw the picture of the dress the BW wants its strapless and I know I am going to hear shit from my sister for this.

I think I am upset because what is the reason she couldn't get the dressed we decided on? My FH thinks just because she is on his side that it doesn't matter what she wears, and he may be right, but I like things to look even. Any kind words or suggestions would be great.

Thanks!

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Re: Best Woman

  • nicole4793nicole4793 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I totally see your point and why you want her to wear the same dress. If I was in this situation, I probably would have wanted her to wear the same dress at first. Now that I think about it, I kind of like the idea of her being in a different style on the groom's side. I completely understand why you're upset because she seemed on board with your vision at first, but it'll end up okay! As far as your sister goes, explain to her that she was able to get a different dress because she's technically on the groom's side. 

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  • jltobe23jltobe23 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    @nicole4793 Thank you! If my sister says anything (and she shouldn't since its my wedding lol) That's what i'll tell her. 


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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    It's not a big deal, seriously.  DH had a woman stand up on his side.  She *asked* me to go shopping with her to find a dress.  Otherwise, I would have left it up to her. 

    As far as your sister goes, if you want them all in the same dress, then she's going to have to deal. 

    Unless you've already ordered dresses, I recommend reevaluating picking one dress style for everyone.  I understand giving them a color and a designer, but why can't everyone wear a dress that makes them happy/comfortable?  

    Also, preference for a color/style/look =/= OCD, a medical condition
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    She's not your bridesmaid, she's your DH's best woman.  He can tell her what to wear.  I think you trying to control what she wears is overreaching a bit.  She also didn't need to ask you, b/c again...she's the groom's party.  Just b/c you two both match genders, doesn't mean she needs to follow the bride's rules.  As long as she isn't wearing a white dress and it's totally outside the realm of the colors, I'd let it alone.  You can be upset, but I'd keep my mouth shut.
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  • jltobe23jltobe23 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    @VarunaTT & @mrs.conn23  Thank you ladies. I know I am just being a little crazy I just thought she should have asked me and told me why she didn't, want, or couldn't get the same dress just in the black.  When we were discussing my bridesmaid dresses she mentioned to me that the designer for them was a family friend and she got a discount on some of her dresses for her wedding. Also,  She is the one that asked if she could get the same dress as my bridesmaids just in black like the groomsmen. I am super happy that my FH has and wants someone to share in our special day so I am really not worried,  I just wish she would have told me it was an issue to get the same dress. As I think it over in my head its really not that big of a deal I just want to make sure our pictures come out amazing lol.  Thank you again, all I wanted was some other women's opinion's.

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  • jltobe23jltobe23 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    PS. I ordered dresses back in late September, beginning of October because the designer called for that. If it was  later than that all the dresses would be cut from different batches of material and they may have different shades of the color that I was looking for. Again if she got black it really doesn't matter. I just thought that if it was her wedding I would have talked to her first, since she was the one who decided to get the same dress from the moment we asked her to be in our wedding.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    IMO - Yea, really not that big of deal, OTOH, it's a really big deal to you, so it's a big deal.  The only thing you have here is a breakdown in communication, get it opened back up because during your marriage you're going to face many of these types of situations whether it be a small thing or a large thing.  Explain that you told your MOH "no strapless" and would like to stick to at least that one aspect of her dress to both your FI and BW.  Know where you can compromise and where you need to leave it go.  If you've already put your foot down about no strapless, that's where to draw the line. 

    Personally I'm not a fan of strapless because I've yet to see someone whose had the dress on for over 4 hours NOT have to keep yanking the thing up which looks awkward and "unladylike" even if the dresses may look pretty in pictures on many women (I can't pull off the strapless look for anything).  Doesn't matter if they're a 2 or 22, at some point gravity sucks. 

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