I have gone through a few things in the past, and for the most part, I am over it. I have seen counselors for these issues, but they still manage to bother me years later. I just wish there was a way to wipe that part of the slate clean. I don't ever talk about these things in real life because I don't want everyone to know I am still coping with these issues. I just want to know if there is ever a way to get completely over something, or is it normal to think about it briefly. Talking about the past makes me think about it, I'll have nightmares and flashbacks for a few weeks, and then it is gone.
A thread, last night, brought up the past, that I try to keep neatly tucked away in my head. Another thing that has had a lasting effect on me was being strangled, when I was a child by my step-father. He almost killed me, because I mouthed off to him when he said dishes were a woman's work and his son wouldn't do the dishes. He picked me up by my neck and I was kicking my feet, struggling to get down. My mother was screaming, and then the screaming gets farther away and everything went dark. Yesterday, I visited a chiropractor, and I warned her not to touch my neck. If anyone touches my neck, I freeze. I become terrified like it is happening all over again. I see it in my head. She accidentally touched my neck and I was just paralyzed by fear. And I hate to admit it, but I peed myself, a little. Sometimes, it takes a moment to come back to the present. My step-father is dead, now. I know he can't hurt me, anymore, but I just can't get over the absolutely terrifying sensation when someone touches my neck. It embarrasses me to have to tell doctors, massage therapists,or anyone else to leave that area alone. Then they wonder why.
I hate to bring up such a bum topic, but I just get sick of the nightmares. They go away when I don't think about it, which is why I am not keen on going back to counseling. Is it normal when you go through something that 20 years later it still affects you? It doesn't affect me, every day, but if I get a reminder of my past, my mind preys on it for a few weeks.
Re: Lasting effects of the past
Oh yes. I have stuff too, that I mostly don't talk about, but stuff that happened in the past, not just as a kid.
This is why life is hard. Not because of a minor diss but because of a traumatic thing.
Almost everyone has something. The ones who say they don't, well, maybe they have lived charmed lives, and maybe they are just covering up.
I agree that your reactions are normal and you likely won't ever forget about it. Continued therapy may help more with emotional issues regarding it. You may also want to look into possibility of exposure therapy to help you get better about dealing with people touching your neck. Basically, it retrains you, through repeated exposure to what terrifies you (not a fun process), that you can experience it without anything bad happening. And after repeated exposure, it kind of forces you to learn to deal with it better and not freak out as much. So, basically for you it would involve a lot of neck touching until your reactions reduce to a less extreme level. Because your reactions are so extreme, I'd recommend seeing a trained therapist experienced in exposure therapy to oversee this process. It likely won't eliminate the fear completely, but it could help you handle it better and maybe not fully relive the past each time it happens.
I will add the disclaimer that I'm not a therapist and I haven't actually done exposure therapy, but I have looked into it and researched it for a phobia I have. So, it may or may not be right for you... it was just an idea of something to maybe look into or consider.
Also, just another reason why no one should force their loved ones into a specific hair style or using a hair stylist for their wedding day. There are 40 million reasons people have for being uncomfortable in those situations and it's no one's business as to why.
I think I've mentioned this before but I'm a big fan of mental health "tune ups." I go in from time to time when I have nightmares, when I'm going through major life changes, etc.
It helps.
Also, hugs!
I am in no way speaking from any kind of experience or knowledge here, but I've heard about therapy programs that work to desensitize people to the things that cause them great fear or anxiety. Perhaps you could find treatment that will not only help you with the emotional aspect but also the physical aspect... desensitizing you to being touched on your neck? Either way, hugs and healing thoughts to you.
Maybe try working with your SO to help you overcome that negative response to the stimulus of something touching your neck. Positive reinforcement training works if you have the patience to stick through it. I know it may sound stupid, but try rewarding yourself with little treats anytime something touches your neck. Your brain will then associate the touch as something to look forward to and not a paralyzing event.