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BM money situation

marshallalmarshallal
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in Moms and Maids
It's a month before the wedding, and I'm probably thinking too much about things, but one of my BM's financial situation has me worried. All of the girls I asked to be in my wedding probably couldn't afford it, but I couldn't be without them, so I have tried to make everything except the dress optional, and tried to collectively find the most attractive cheap dress we could. Tomorrow is my bridal shower, and this particular bridesmaid is so genuinely strapped for cash that she handmade my gift (an idea I love) and had to borrow money from me just to afford the trip up. Now the girls have planned my bachelorette party for two weeks from now, and she's insistent that she HAS to be there. I can't afford to pay for her trip again, and I'm reasonably certain none of the other girls can either. How do I gently say, I get you're really broke and can't afford to come, and I appreciate how much you've been there for me emotionally and with decisions and whatnot, but I can't afford to bring you up again, without hurting her feelings? She's one of my closest friends, and I adore everything she's done for me through the process, but I'm just out of money right now....
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Re: BM money situation

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think what you wrote is pretty good, minus the "I get you're broke" part. If she hits you up for cash, say, "I would absolutely love for you to be there, and I completely understand if you can't afford it. But I am running low on cash as well, and unfortunately I cannot pay for you to come. We should get together for dinner and drinks some other time though just the two of us!"

    Or if it is a pricey B-party, you could talk to the hostesses about doing something more low-key that EVERYONE can afford, like getting together at someone's house for a pot luck, games, and drinks (did this for a friend's b-party and it was a great time!)


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  • marshallalmarshallal
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My request was for beers and a fire pit and my fiancé says they upgraded a little but not much. It's more the actual cost of the travel that's the problem, not the party I don't think.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure I would say anything.  Maybe something along the lines of you know how hard it is for her to get there and reiterating that you understand if she can't.  She is (I presume) an adult and can handle her own budget.  If she does ask for money you can tell her you just can't afford it. 
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is she assuming that you are paying, or are you just worried about her budget? If she thinks that you are going to pay for her, then I'd go with what you said + pps advice. However, if she isn't under the assumption that you're footing the bill, I would wait and say nothing. I had a similar situation with a BM regarding her dress. We bought one within the budget she gave me, but I was still worried about her. In the end she took care of her own finances and everything turned out fine. I was glad that I didn't approach her about it first.
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  • joyfulhappy1joyfulhappy1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    agree with katy rose advice, it was a nice gesture for you to help with expenses, but I seriously doubt she expects you to pay for another trip.  Let her approach the subject with you and when and if she does tell her you really want her there and then stop talking, let there be silence in your conversation at that point and wait to see what she says and if she says nothing then you say nothing.  If she says I really can't afford it, just listen it doesn't require a response from you. If she persists further and asks you to help her pay for it, then that's when you tell her you can't afford it and then wait for her reply. Dont offer up excuses or talk about how inability to pay for it, just listen to what she says. This will keep you out of having to feel guilty for something that you have no responsibility to take on any guilt. 
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