Frustrated-- Update in thread; now I'm just confused.

novella1186 · December 2014

I can't decide what to do about my hair for my wedding and it's getting to the point that if I'm going to hire someone to do it, I need to get moving. I know HOW I want my hair to be, and I have the ability to just do it myself. But I'm already doing my own make-up so I feel like doing make-up AND hair might be putting too much pressure on myself. It would probably be much easier/more relaxing to just sit back and let someone else come and do my hair.

The problem is there aren't very many salons in the area where my venue is, and I don't live in that area so I know nothing about them and whether or not they're any good, and I can't find many reviews online. Ugh! Obviously I would go do a hair trial if I decide to hire someone, but that's a total of more than 3 hours of driving, so I don't even feel like going to try someone out, which puts me back at just doing it myself.

The other option would be to hire someone from my hometown if they're willing to travel, because it's slightly closer to where I live and would be easier to go try them out, and my hometown is much closer to the wedding venue than the town I live in now.

But then I keep thinking that I don't like any photos online I've seen from any salons of wedding hairstyles. This will probably sound stupid but their hair just looks TOO styled. My hair is very cooperative; I don't have to use any product to get it stay exactly how I want it, and whenever I get my hair cut I immediately go home and wash it because every stylist I've ever been to totally overloads it with product even when I ask them not to. I just want my hair to look loose and natural and flowy. Which puts me back at just doing it myself.

But then I worry about stupid things. Like the fact that most hotels don't have mirrors set up to allow you to see the back of your head, and if I can't even see the back of my head then how can I do a good job on my hair?

See, I over-think things and worry a lot about stupid details.

Input, advice, whatever would be much appreciated. TIA!

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

Keep in mind that the overstyling for wedding hair is to make it last the whole day - the curls will be WAY tighter in pics taken at the salon than how it actually looks during the ceremony. Mine was freaking ringlets, which I pulled out just before starting pictures. They also probably don't take/promote pictures of simpler styles because they're not as impressive.

Is there anyone who's halfway in between home and venue, so it's not too far to go for a trial and not too far for them to travel?

climbingsingle · December 2014

I would test out some options. Hire someone to come to your house and do a trial. Then, do your hair yourself. Have a friend over so they can help you with that back. You could do that the day of too.

kat1114 · December 2014

I had the same concerns as you. I feel wedding hair is often too much for my tastes. I also have naturally curly hair, and it was really hard to find inspiration because I couldn't find a lot of pictures representing my hair type. I didn't want to trust a hairstylist to handle my curly hair because a lot of them don't know how to handle it. We got married 90 minutes away in our hometown, and I didn't want to make a drive and spend money to test out a hairstyle I didn't think I would like.

Any ways, I found a couple of styles I liked online and tried them out. I couldn't quite get them how I wanted, and I was getting nervous. Then, the day before my MU trial (did it the same day as my hometown bridal shower to minimize travel), they called to say they accidentally booked a hairstylist too, but I could cancel if I wanted. I figured I might as well try it.

It worked out so well! The stylist really listened to me, and my hair came out great. In retrospect, I'm super glad I didn't try to DIY my own hair. With all that is going on come wedding day, anything you can do to minimize time/stress is a good thing.

larrygaga · December 2014

To me it sounds like it's more pressure on you to worry about someone else doing it. On your wedding share, put music on have a seat at a mirror with plenty of time and relax. Do you the way you need it

I vote you do it yourself! I am a diy person though

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

OK @larrygaga I love you but I have to second the request to shrink that siggy pic. It takes up my WHOLE screen.

When you're in your siggy editor in HTML mode (click the <> icon) find the end of the jpg name (it'll look like < img src = "bla bla bla.jpg" > and after the ending quotation mark but before the ending bracket put width = 250 and it'll shrinkify.

larrygaga · December 2014

ha! It's stupid anyway I miss my gif. When I'm home tonight I will fix it.

novella1186 · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I would test out some options. Hire someone to come to your house and do a trial. Then, do your hair yourself. Have a friend over so they can help you with that back. You could do that the day of too.

I actually want a style a lot like yours in your wedding pics. Did you do it yourself or hire someone?

novella1186 · December 2014

lolo883 said:

Keep in mind that the overstyling for wedding hair is to make it last the whole day - the curls will be WAY tighter in pics taken at the salon than how it actually looks during the ceremony. Mine was freaking ringlets, which I pulled out just before starting pictures. They also probably don't take/promote pictures of simpler styles because they're not as impressive. Is there anyone who's halfway in between home and venue, so it's not too far to go for a trial and not too far for them to travel?

Yeah that is totally true. The thing about my hair though is that if it's curled into super tight ringlets in order to "make it last longer" it will STAY exactly like that. I curl my hair every day for work (because it's naturally a wavy crazy mess) so I just do really loose curls. I don't use any styling product at all and turn the curling iron on it super low setting, and then brush it out several times and it STILL stays really curled. I can even skip showering and my hair will stay styled like that for days. I've tried explaining this to stylists in the past but it's like they just don't get it, so they go overboard the way they would need to for normal hair, and it's way too much on my hair

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

novella1186 said:

lolo883 said:

Keep in mind that the overstyling for wedding hair is to make it last the whole day - the curls will be WAY tighter in pics taken at the salon than how it actually looks during the ceremony. Mine was freaking ringlets, which I pulled out just before starting pictures. They also probably don't take/promote pictures of simpler styles because they're not as impressive. Is there anyone who's halfway in between home and venue, so it's not too far to go for a trial and not too far for them to travel?

Yeah that is totally true. The thing about my hair though is that if it's curled into super tight ringlets in order to "make it last longer" it will STAY exactly like that. I curl my hair every day for work (because it's naturally a wavy crazy mess) so I just do really loose curls. I don't use any styling product at all and turn the curling iron on it super low setting, and then brush it out several times and it STILL stays really curled. I can even skip showering and my hair will stay styled like that for days. I've tried explaining this to stylists in the past but it's like they just don't get it, so they go overboard the way they would need to for normal hair, and it's way too much on my hair

I think the obvious solution is to ride a roller coaster after you finish getting ready. Or maybe go sky diving. Yes, definitely sky diving.

novella1186 · December 2014

lolo883 said:

novella1186 said:

lolo883 said:

Keep in mind that the overstyling for wedding hair is to make it last the whole day - the curls will be WAY tighter in pics taken at the salon than how it actually looks during the ceremony. Mine was freaking ringlets, which I pulled out just before starting pictures. They also probably don't take/promote pictures of simpler styles because they're not as impressive. Is there anyone who's halfway in between home and venue, so it's not too far to go for a trial and not too far for them to travel?

Yeah that is totally true. The thing about my hair though is that if it's curled into super tight ringlets in order to "make it last longer" it will STAY exactly like that. I curl my hair every day for work (because it's naturally a wavy crazy mess) so I just do really loose curls. I don't use any styling product at all and turn the curling iron on it super low setting, and then brush it out several times and it STILL stays really curled. I can even skip showering and my hair will stay styled like that for days. I've tried explaining this to stylists in the past but it's like they just don't get it, so they go overboard the way they would need to for normal hair, and it's way too much on my hair

I think the obvious solution is to ride a roller coaster after you finish getting ready. Or maybe go sky diving. Yes, definitely sky diving.

Hahaha! Perfect, done. My hair got rained on multiple times the other day and it tamed the curls a bit. When I looked in the mirror at the end of the day I was like "holy shit my hair looks so good for once!" Who woulda thought.

climbingsingle · December 2014

novella1186 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I would test out some options. Hire someone to come to your house and do a trial. Then, do your hair yourself. Have a friend over so they can help you with that back. You could do that the day of too.

I actually want a style a lot like yours in your wedding pics. Did you do it yourself or hire someone?

I actually have a best friend who's a hairdresser. She did my hair for me the day of.

ETA: I also didn't want to look too styled. I wanted to look like myself.

novella1186 · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

novella1186 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I would test out some options. Hire someone to come to your house and do a trial. Then, do your hair yourself. Have a friend over so they can help you with that back. You could do that the day of too.

I actually want a style a lot like yours in your wedding pics. Did you do it yourself or hire someone?

I actually have a best friend who's a hairdresser. She did my hair for me the day of.

ETA: I also didn't want to look too styled. I wanted to look like myself.

What sucks for me is that I'm the friend that gets asked to do everyone's hair lol. I'm also just now realizing that none of my BMs are good at doing hair (their words) and don't usually do their own hair (just let it air dry or put it up). Dang it.

Wegl13 · December 2014

So I had similar concerns and similar hair except with two even bigger problems: I don't do my own hair (unless a ponytail is "doing your hair") and my venue was miles away from anywhere, let alone a stylist I knew and trusted.
Two words: surf spray. Seriously. I washed my hair (no conditioner), then loaded it with surf spray and scrunched it while it air dried, and then I let my SIL tie it up for me. She used a piece of embroidery string that matched my hair color. It rained the day of my wedding. My MOH was so worried my hair was going to get flat (hers did, she had to re curl it). Nope. I just sprayed more surf spray in it, scrunched it a bit, boom perfect. It didn't get frizzy, it didn't get flat, it was ah-mazing and now I use this shit every day like I am some sort of Bumble and Bumble rep.
I also tried it out one night like three days before my wedding and was like "fuck yeah this looks good done" so that decreased my anxiety about my hair a lot.
Also I am a very low key make-up/hair/dress person and my husband was FREAKING that one of those three was going to be overdone, so doing this to my hair was actually right up HIS alley too. So this may not actually work for you but it did for me. Basically just a fancy version of regular me.

novella1186 · December 2014

I e-mailed a salon that's in the right location for this nonsense and was very specific about what I wanted, and asked some very specific questions. One of those questions was "How much would it cost to do a bridesmaid's hair?" A couple of my bridesmaids said they need help with their hair, so I was just gonna pay for them to have it done, and pay for the other girls too if they decide they want someone to do it for them.

I wait three days for a response and the lady totally disregards everything I said and everything I asked. She gave me a list of spa, manicure, and pedicure prices (which I was very specific about only wanted hair and wanting it on-site so no I won't be in your spa) and then said a formal up-do (I specifically told her I want my hair down) is $75. An no mention of the bridesmaids form her either. Should I assume it's $75 per bridesmaid too? Is their hair going to cost as much as bride hair? Cuz they said they just want something really simple like a braid or something. So... $75 for that?

Then I see in their pricing that it's $50 extra for them to be on-site, which is fine. I expected some kind of travel fee or whatever. But it's ALSO more per service if it's onsite, in addition to the $50 charge. WTF? Is that normal? I'm already paying extra, why are you adding extra costs to each individual thing???

And no mention of a trial or what that would cost, even though I had asked about that too.

I'm really particular about the way people interact with me and whether or not they're willing to answer my very clear, very direct questions. I'm frustrated with this person now. I don't even think I want to try to contact her again. Ugh! Did anyone else find it difficult to find someone and to get straight answers on stuff?

flutteringinfl · December 2014

I'm the same way. There has to be a pretty good reason I'll continue trying to do business with you if you mess your reply up that badly. But if it sounds like she's the best option, distance wise, I'd maybe call and see what the reaction is in that regard? If not, I'd start Googling some alternatives.

novella1186 · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

I'm the same way. There has to be a pretty good reason I'll continue trying to do business with you if you mess your reply up that badly. But if it sounds like she's the best option, distance wise, I'd maybe call and see what the reaction is in that regard? If not, I'd start Googling some alternatives.

I might look in a few other cities around that area. She's definitely not my only option. I just have no idea what to do because it's hard to find info online and I can't just sit on my phone at work calling all these places (which is why I sent an email). Grr!

hellosweetie1015 · December 2014

I would not go back to a person that ignored my specific questions prior to my actually having booked them. I'd expect them to ignore my specific directions after booking as well. In fact, I would probably email her back saying that if she's incapable of answering my questions, I would fully expect her to be incapable of following my directions, and will not be booking with her. But I'm a pissy witch so there's that.

Take a week or two and try some different things. Throw product around, play with your hair, see what works best for you and matched up best with what you want to look like; even if you do end up going to a stylist, you can have concrete ideas and something they can use to get to what you really want.

novella1186 · December 2014

hellosweetie1015 said:

I would not go back to a person that ignored my specific questions prior to my actually having booked them. I'd expect them to ignore my specific directions after booking as well. In fact, I would probably email her back saying that if she's incapable of answering my questions, I would fully expect her to be incapable of following my directions, and will not be booking with her. But I'm a pissy witch so there's that.

Take a week or two and try some different things. Throw product around, play with your hair, see what works best for you and matched up best with what you want to look like; even if you do end up going to a stylist, you can have concrete ideas and something they can use to get to what you really want.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I feel like I'm being a bitch or overreacting for refusing to work with a vendor who fails to answer my questions.

When I was looking for caterers, I e-mailed 3 or 4 all on the same day asking if they had menus and I asked a few other basic things, and gave them the date of my wedding with approximate head count.

One of them took THREE WEEKS to e-mail me back, didn't provide any information or answer any of my questions, and asked me things I had already told them, such as approximate head count, which I purposely provided right off the bat to intentionally get the ball rolling a little quicker. I was so pissed. And I was like "there's no fucking way I'm trusting them to be responsible for food for my entire wedding, and there's no fucking way I'm going to pay them THOUSANDS of dollars, when they can't even manage to return an e-mail and answer basic questions." Ugh. That's my hugest pet peeve so far with wedding planning.

lavenderfields13 · December 2014

@novella11986 I feel the same way about vendors. I want you to get back to me quickly (I mean you're running a business and you want to get more clients, right?!) and answer ALL of my questions I asked. If you can't do that then I don't feel confident doing business with you.

Since you have manageable hair I'd say try doing a style yourself and see how long it takes you and how confident you feel in being able to get it done the day of. Would one of your BM be able to help with the back?

I could never do my own hair but I have a ton of hair and it's awful. I hate my hair.

novella1186 · December 2014

lavenderfields13 said:

@novella11986 I feel the same way about vendors. I want you to get back to me quickly (I mean you're running a business and you want to get more clients, right?!) and answer ALL of my questions I asked. If you can't do that then I don't feel confident doing business with you.

Since you have manageable hair I'd say try doing a style yourself and see how long it takes you and how confident you feel in being able to get it done the day of. Would one of your BM be able to help with the back?
I could never do my own hair but I have a ton of hair and it's awful. I hate my hair.

Yeah I'm definitely capable of doing my hair on my own, and I'm sure I'll have time. (We're doing a first look but not till 2 in the afternoon). The only reason I keep wavering on it is because I don't know if that will be putting too much pressure on myself ya know? But that's a good idea... maybe I'll practice it and just see how it goes.

hellosweetie1015 · December 2014

novella1186 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

I would not go back to a person that ignored my specific questions prior to my actually having booked them. I'd expect them to ignore my specific directions after booking as well. In fact, I would probably email her back saying that if she's incapable of answering my questions, I would fully expect her to be incapable of following my directions, and will not be booking with her. But I'm a pissy witch so there's that.

Take a week or two and try some different things. Throw product around, play with your hair, see what works best for you and matched up best with what you want to look like; even if you do end up going to a stylist, you can have concrete ideas and something they can use to get to what you really want.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I feel like I'm being a bitch or overreacting for refusing to work with a vendor who fails to answer my questions.

When I was looking for caterers, I e-mailed 3 or 4 all on the same day asking if they had menus and I asked a few other basic things, and gave them the date of my wedding with approximate head count.

One of them took THREE WEEKS to e-mail me back, didn't provide any information or answer any of my questions, and asked me things I had already told them, such as approximate head count, which I purposely provided right off the bat to intentionally get the ball rolling a little quicker. I was so pissed. And I was like "there's no fucking way I'm trusting them to be responsible for food for my entire wedding, and there's no fucking way I'm going to pay them THOUSANDS of dollars, when they can't even manage to return an e-mail and answer basic questions." Ugh. That's my hugest pet peeve so far with wedding planning.

NOPE. I understand taking a little while (although I'm getting frustrated with a venue myself over that) but if you're not answering the questions I'm asking, and asking for details you've already been given, I'd be done.

Yes! Practice it. You have a little time still, I assume, so just a lazy Saturday or something, fix your whole bride self up (I'd even say put on your dress, if you could, just to get a good estimate) and see how long it takes you. If it takes you longer than you want, then maybe ask one or two of your BMs to come over and help you into the dress and with the back of your hair, and see how THAT does, and if it still feels like it takes too long, THEN look into a stylist for real.

novella1186 · December 2014

hellosweetie1015 said:

novella1186 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

I would not go back to a person that ignored my specific questions prior to my actually having booked them. I'd expect them to ignore my specific directions after booking as well. In fact, I would probably email her back saying that if she's incapable of answering my questions, I would fully expect her to be incapable of following my directions, and will not be booking with her. But I'm a pissy witch so there's that.

Take a week or two and try some different things. Throw product around, play with your hair, see what works best for you and matched up best with what you want to look like; even if you do end up going to a stylist, you can have concrete ideas and something they can use to get to what you really want.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I feel like I'm being a bitch or overreacting for refusing to work with a vendor who fails to answer my questions.

When I was looking for caterers, I e-mailed 3 or 4 all on the same day asking if they had menus and I asked a few other basic things, and gave them the date of my wedding with approximate head count.

One of them took THREE WEEKS to e-mail me back, didn't provide any information or answer any of my questions, and asked me things I had already told them, such as approximate head count, which I purposely provided right off the bat to intentionally get the ball rolling a little quicker. I was so pissed. And I was like "there's no fucking way I'm trusting them to be responsible for food for my entire wedding, and there's no fucking way I'm going to pay them THOUSANDS of dollars, when they can't even manage to return an e-mail and answer basic questions." Ugh. That's my hugest pet peeve so far with wedding planning.

NOPE. I understand taking a little while (although I'm getting frustrated with a venue myself over that) but if you're not answering the questions I'm asking, and asking for details you've already been given, I'd be done.

Yes! Practice it. You have a little time still, I assume, so just a lazy Saturday or something, fix your whole bride self up (I'd even say put on your dress, if you could, just to get a good estimate) and see how long it takes you. If it takes you longer than you want, then maybe ask one or two of your BMs to come over and help you into the dress and with the back of your hair, and see how THAT does, and if it still feels like it takes too long, THEN look into a stylist for real.

Thanks! I'm gonna do that. In the long run it's starting to seem like this may be much less stressful to just do it myself than to try and hire someone. I spent my first 4 hours of work today just looking up salons and trying to contact them, and I wasn't feeling good about it. (Because clearly I'm so productive at work when no one else is here) lol

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