how to address attire in wedding website

JaniV123 · December 2014

We are not having a lot of OOT guests, and most are family that already know that traditionally in our family evening weddings are floor length gowns and tuxedo black tie/bowtie. Now we have less than a hand full that may not be aware of this and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy or rent a tux. I am pretty sure a dark suit with a black tie/bow tie will be ok for a very formal wedding.

How can I/if I can word this for the wedding website?

I know usually it has been said that the invitation, venue, and TOD dictate the formality, but I just want to make as sure as possible that everyone will be comfortable and not feel out of place/ under dressed.

Knottie48804623 · December 2014

I would say, don't mention it on the wedding website (still seen as telling people how to dress), but if people ask you what to wear you could say something like "You can wear whatever you want...etc., but most of my family will probably be in ______."

If it is black tie, you could put that on the invite/website.

JaniV123 · December 2014

Knottie48804623 said:

I would say, don't mention it on the wedding website (still seen as telling people how to dress), but if people ask you what to wear you could say something like "You can wear whatever you want...etc., but most of my family will probably be in ______."
If it is black tie, you could put that on the invite/website.

I would say it is a black tie event but according to some of the criteria on this website we fall short... but from how it is done in here in PR and in my family, it is a black tie event

rooz103 · December 2014

If you say it's a black tie event, then people will feel obligated to rent or buy a tux, which is something I think you said you wanted to avoid.

What if you use invitation/time of day/venue in conjunction to word of mouth instead? Most people, when they see the fancier invitation, will know that either a dark suit or tux will suffice. Those who aren't sure will probably ask you, friends or family about dress code and you can address it individually. If you really think you'll have a few people who are just completely clueless about attire, maybe you can slip into conversation that your family is so excited to be breaking out the tuxes again, but that you hope no one feels underdressed by coming in a nice suit.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

JaniV123 said:
We are not having a lot of OOT guests, and most are family that already know that traditionally in our family evening weddings are floor length gowns and tuxedo black tie/bowtie. Now we have less than a hand full that may not be aware of this and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy or rent a tux. I am pretty sure a dark suit with a black tie/bow tie will be ok for a very formal wedding.

How can I/if I can word this for the wedding website?

I know usually it has been said that the invitation, venue, and TOD dictate the formality, but I just want to make as sure as possible that everyone will be comfortable and not feel out of place/ under dressed.

Don't mention this on your website. Unless your event is black tie and you're going to write "Black tie" on your invites, its inappropriate.

I mean, if people don't take the hint from your invites, venue, etc. oh well. Who cares if someone doesn't wear a dark suit?

rooz103 · December 2014

Don't mention this on your website. Unless your event is black tie and you're going to write "Black tie" on your invites, its inappropriate. I mean, if people don't take the hint from your invites, venue, etc. oh well. Who cares if someone doesn't wear a dark suit?

You know...after getting some coffee in me, I have to agree that this is the better advice. Unless your venue has an enforced dress code, @southernbelle0915 is right.

AddieCake · December 2014

It's been my experience that if people are not sure what to wear, they will contact you or someone involved and ask.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Your style of invitations, venue, and time of day will convey the expected attire to your guest. If someone is unsure, they should ask, but you should not dictate the attire.

JaniV123 · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

We are not having a lot of OOT guests, and most are family that already know that traditionally in our family evening weddings are floor length gowns and tuxedo black tie/bowtie. Now we have less than a hand full that may not be aware of this and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy or rent a tux. I am pretty sure a dark suit with a black tie/bow tie will be ok for a very formal wedding.

How can I/if I can word this for the wedding website?

I know usually it has been said that the invitation, venue, and TOD dictate the formality, but I just want to make as sure as possible that everyone will be comfortable and not feel out of place/ under dressed.
Don't mention this on your website. Unless your event is black tie and you're going to write "Black tie" on your invites, its inappropriate. I mean, if people don't take the hint from your invites, venue, etc. oh well. Who cares if someone doesn't wear a dark suit?

its not an issue for me. I just dont want my OOT guests who are not aware that its usual for family to wear tuxes to feel awkward for being the only 2-3 people w/o a tux... If they dont care about it then I dont either, I just want people to have a good time. But it is pretty much a black tie event and if only a handful or less will be w/o tuxes it can make people feel weird.

JaniV123 · December 2014

Just to give some more info, as of now the wedding ceremony will be at 3:30-4:00 pm for an hour since its mass. Cocktail hour will begin 5-5:30 for an hour as well and reception starts at 6-6:30.

I got some ideas to talk to the priest and try to negotiate a 5pm wedding.

The venue is at a restaurant which is in a very uptight and snobbish area and it is considered a fancy but affordable restaurant.

Our invites are classic. They are not worth a $1k but they are classic and elegant. We are looking into a calligrapher and see if it is affordable.

NYCMercedes · December 2014

JaniV123 said:

Just to give some more info, as of now the wedding ceremony will be at 3:30-4:00 pm for an hour since its mass. Cocktail hour will begin 5-5:30 for an hour as well and reception starts at 6-6:30.

I got some ideas to talk to the priest and try to negotiate a 5pm wedding.

The venue is at a restaurant which is in a very uptight and snobbish area and it is considered a fancy but affordable restaurant.

Our invites are classic. They are not worth a $1k but they are classic and elegant. We are looking into a calligrapher and see if it is affordable.

I just can't imagine a man wearing a tux at 3:00! I've never heard of a restaurant being black tie either. Color me confused.

sarals24 · December 2014

What are your guests supposed to do from 4pm-5pm? Hang out in the parking lot?

LondonLisa · December 2014

Your event is not black tie. Don't ask others to wear black tie for a 3:30 wedding! Adults can figure out how to dress themselves. Also, if I was told to wear a gown and had to sit through 2 gaps, I'd be frustrated.

HeatherKat · December 2014

sarals24 said:

What are your guests supposed to do from 4pm-5pm? Hang out in the parking lot?

I read it as the hour long ceremony will start at 3:30 or 4:00, with cocktail hour beginning at 5:00 or 5:30. With travel time, any "gap" would be like 15 minutes or so, if at all.

AddieCake · December 2014

LondonLisa said:

Your event is not black tie. Don't ask others to wear black tie for a 3:30 wedding! Adults can figure out how to dress themselves. Also, if I was told to wear a gown and had to sit through 2 gaps, I'd be frustrated.

She isn't ASKING anyone to wear black tie. She has stated that her family simply tends to dress that way for weddings. Her fear is that guests not in the loop of that will not dress up as much and will feel awkward if they get there and find the majority of other guests in gowns and tuxes. She is looking for a way to eliminate that awkwardness for them and wants to know if she should tell those people how the family usually dresses for weddings.

JaniV123 · December 2014

sarals24 said:

What are your guests supposed to do from 4pm-5pm? Hang out in the parking lot?

they will either still be at the ceremony or be at cocktail hour

LondonLisa said:

Your event is not black tie. Don't ask others to wear black tie for a 3:30 wedding! Adults can figure out how to dress themselves. Also, if I was told to wear a gown and had to sit through 2 gaps, I'd be frustrated.

there are no gaps at any time during our event

redoryx · December 2014

JaniV123 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

We are not having a lot of OOT guests, and most are family that already know that traditionally in our family evening weddings are floor length gowns and tuxedo black tie/bowtie. Now we have less than a hand full that may not be aware of this and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy or rent a tux. I am pretty sure a dark suit with a black tie/bow tie will be ok for a very formal wedding.

How can I/if I can word this for the wedding website?

I know usually it has been said that the invitation, venue, and TOD dictate the formality, but I just want to make as sure as possible that everyone will be comfortable and not feel out of place/ under dressed.
Don't mention this on your website. Unless your event is black tie and you're going to write "Black tie" on your invites, its inappropriate. I mean, if people don't take the hint from your invites, venue, etc. oh well. Who cares if someone doesn't wear a dark suit?

its not an issue for me. I just dont want my OOT guests who are not aware that its usual for family to wear tuxes to feel awkward for being the only 2-3 people w/o a tux... If they dont care about it then I dont either, I just want people to have a good time. But it is pretty much a black tie event and if only a handful or less will be w/o tuxes it can make people feel weird.

There's no such thing as "pretty much a black tie event" and especially not at 3:30 or 4pm. And, to be perfectly honest, if I went to an afternoon event and saw people dressed in tuxes at that time I'd think they were the ones dressed a little oddly, not me.

Now, if the venue has a specific dress code that's one thing. But you are not hosting a BT event so just leave it to the adults to figure out how to dress themselves at an appropriate level.

huskypuppy14 · December 2014

It doesn't sound like your wedding is black tie.

I think you should just let it be, it'll be fine.

abbyj700 · December 2014

We had people dress from floor length gowns to jeans. I don't think a single person felt silly. They dressed how they felt was appropriate and comfortable - and that worked for me. Let adults dress themselves and worry about more important details of your wedding planning.

JaniV123 · December 2014

Thank you all

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

NYCMercedes said:

JaniV123 said:

Just to give some more info, as of now the wedding ceremony will be at 3:30-4:00 pm for an hour since its mass. Cocktail hour will begin 5-5:30 for an hour as well and reception starts at 6-6:30.

I got some ideas to talk to the priest and try to negotiate a 5pm wedding.

The venue is at a restaurant which is in a very uptight and snobbish area and it is considered a fancy but affordable restaurant.

Our invites are classic. They are not worth a $1k but they are classic and elegant. We are looking into a calligrapher and see if it is affordable.

I just can't imagine a man wearing a tux at 3:00! I've never heard of a restaurant being black tie either. Color me confused.

As soon as I get my wedding pics back I'll show you some men in tuxes at 3:00pm ;-)

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

redoryx said:

JaniV123 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

We are not having a lot of OOT guests, and most are family that already know that traditionally in our family evening weddings are floor length gowns and tuxedo black tie/bowtie. Now we have less than a hand full that may not be aware of this and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy or rent a tux. I am pretty sure a dark suit with a black tie/bow tie will be ok for a very formal wedding.

How can I/if I can word this for the wedding website?

I know usually it has been said that the invitation, venue, and TOD dictate the formality, but I just want to make as sure as possible that everyone will be comfortable and not feel out of place/ under dressed.
Don't mention this on your website. Unless your event is black tie and you're going to write "Black tie" on your invites, its inappropriate. I mean, if people don't take the hint from your invites, venue, etc. oh well. Who cares if someone doesn't wear a dark suit?

its not an issue for me. I just dont want my OOT guests who are not aware that its usual for family to wear tuxes to feel awkward for being the only 2-3 people w/o a tux... If they dont care about it then I dont either, I just want people to have a good time. But it is pretty much a black tie event and if only a handful or less will be w/o tuxes it can make people feel weird.

There's no such thing as "pretty much a black tie event" and especially not at 3:30 or 4pm. And, to be perfectly honest, if I went to an afternoon event and saw people dressed in tuxes at that time I'd think they were the ones dressed a little oddly, not me.
Now, if the venue has a specific dress code that's one thing. But you are not hosting a BT event so just leave it to the adults to figure out how to dress themselves at an appropriate level.

Meh, actually there can be.

If you have all of the criteria of a black tie event save for one or two, then the event is pretty much a black tie event.

I would never market an event as black tie unless it really was and every single criteria was met, but I can see where something could very easily be almost black tie. . . I've been to a few.

SP29 · December 2014

I agree, I would leave it and let the details of the wedding tell people how to dress. If anyone asks you can always say, "My family usually wears X to weddings, but wear whatever you are most comfortable in".

People can be funny about attire. My friend is getting married this summer and her wedding is very casual. At a restaurant, no wedding colours, and she doesn't have her dress yet. Her future MIL is freaking out because she doesn't know what she *should* wear. My friend keeps telling her to wear whatever she wants, but MIL wants to dress based on how my friend (the bride) will dress.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

Yea, if it's an afternoon wedding with the reception at the restaurant, I think more people will wear suits than you think. If your family is used to wearing tuxes for afternoons weddings, thats cool. But even people who are used to wearing tuxes and attending black tie events will probably not wear tuxes to an afternoon wedding. Plus I'm assuming your FH's side is about half the guest list and may not be used to the afternoon tux thing.

I really don't think this will be the problem you're imagining. And since its against etiquette to say black tie optional anyway, it's a no brainer that this shouldn't go on the invites or website.

Fairyjen1 · December 2014

My wedding was lunchtime at one of the Disney hotels. Mostly immediate family. When asked, I suggested everyone just dress casually and comfortably as we were going into the parks after.

My mother-in-law was sort of uncomfortable with the idea. She is used to weddings where everyone really dresses up. She wore a more casual dress (like you would wear to the theatre or church) and looked beautiful, but I don't think she really believed everyone else would dress more casual until she saw them.

I went to another wedding where the couple mentioned on their website that the ceremony would take place in a field and flat shoes and more casual dress would be appropriate (this was really the only etiquette faux pas they had, everything else was well hosted and the reception was in a paved area). They weren't kidding, there were weeds and gopher holes and hay bales and everything! At least half of the female guests showed up in stiletto's and little cocktail dresses. Which goes to show that telling people about the venue and suggesting attire doesn't really do any good. People think they have to wear certain things to weddings and that's what they are going to wear.

lyndausvi · December 2014

The OP is from Puerto Rico. While they are a US commonwealth, not all customs are the same.

PR is only 40 miles from where I lived in the islands. Every local wedding I attend was in the afternoon and 90% of the people were dressed in formal attire. Tux, long dresses the work. It sounds like it's much the same for her family.

I would get the word out via word of mouth. Every group as a big mouth, try and slip it in a conversation and the word will get out. Or at least that works in both our families.

lyndausvi · December 2014

@fairyjen1 - I use to work at swanky luxury resorts in St Thomas and St John. We are talking about up to $10K per night rooms.

Both places did an average of 125 weddings a year. That is over 2 a week. Some were formal, some were casual. It was pretty evenly mixed between the 2.

Same venue, different styles of weddings.

So no, the venue does not always dictate formality.

how to address attire in wedding website

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