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FI wants a grand send off, I think it's silly

dcbride86dcbride86 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
in Chit Chat

FI and I are getting married at a beautiful hotel in DC, and after we are arranging to go to a couple bars as a kind of after party.  Since we will see a lot of guests after the wedding, I think it's really silly to have any kind of send off - we will basically be "sent off" and then come right back to the room.  But FI thinks people like to send people off, and thinks we should do it.  I hate saying no because he's been so low key with the wedding, and hasn't asked for much, but I do think it's silly.

What would you guys do?  Should I say fine and just let him have it, or do I say it's silly and say we shouldn't do it?

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Re: FI wants a grand send off, I think it's silly

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I have never been to a wedding with a send-off. All the weddings I have attended, guests left before the bride and groom. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    edited December 2014
    Eh, if it's not a huge deal to you, I might just let him have it. But you can still tell him that you think it's kind of silly.

    ETA I agree that it's silly if you are going to see some/most of the people after the "send off".
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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    If it's something small like a bunch of your friends lined up with sparklers or something similar (IE: not super expensive/difficult to set up) what's the harm? I know my social circle loves to do these things and gives a great photo op! 

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    dcbride86dcbride86 member
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    Okay, thanks guys!  I'll let him have it.  I just thought it might look a little showy or something, since we would just be going right back to the room to round people up to go to the bars.

    Thanks! :)

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    theycallmelinztheycallmelinz member
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    I agree that it's silly since you're going to be seeing a lot of the guests after they've 'sent you off', kind of like saying goodbye to someone then awkardly walking next to them because you realize you parked near each other lol

    I do like the idea of sparklers and guests, and I'm sad that my venue doesnt allow this. We can have either bird seed or bubbles. Boring.

    Sort of related question, sorry to thread jack! Is it considered poor etiquette for the B&G to leave before the guests? I've been to several weddings where there was a send off, but since the B&G are hosting, isn't the like leaving your own party? Or do we make an exception for weddings?

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    jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    I've never been to one with a send off either. The bride & groom are always the last ones there, packing up the centerpieces, the card box, any boxed gifts, the cake topper, putting them in the car, etc. It would seem a little rude to have someone else do this for you. I mean sometimes the venue has a coordinator that will save your decorations and you can grab them at a later time, but the ones I've been in/ my own were very much "take your shit now or it's going in the trash". I would have felt bad taking off and being like ok dad or bridesmaid- pack up my shit!

                                                                     

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    dcbride86dcbride86 member
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    jenna8984 said:
    I've never been to one with a send off either. The bride & groom are always the last ones there, packing up the centerpieces, the card box, any boxed gifts, the cake topper, putting them in the car, etc. It would seem a little rude to have someone else do this for you. I mean sometimes the venue has a coordinator that will save your decorations and you can grab them at a later time, but the ones I've been in/ my own were very much "take your shit now or it's going in the trash". I would have felt bad taking off and being like ok dad or bridesmaid- pack up my shit!

    We actually have a day of coordinator who takes care of all this, so I wouldn't feel bad.  It's in her contract that she gathers centerpieces to be put in the fridge so they can go back out for the Sunday brunch the next day.

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    dcbride86dcbride86 member
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    theycallmelinz said:

    I agree that it's silly since you're going to be seeing a lot of the guests after they've 'sent you off', kind of like saying goodbye to someone then awkardly walking next to them because you realize you parked near each other lol

    I do like the idea of sparklers and guests, and I'm sad that my venue doesnt allow this. We can have either bird seed or bubbles. Boring.

    Sort of related question, sorry to thread jack! Is it considered poor etiquette for the B&G to leave before the guests? I've been to several weddings where there was a send off, but since the B&G are hosting, isn't the like leaving your own party? Or do we make an exception for weddings?


    I've actually never thought of that!  I think an exception might be made for weddings?  But I honestly don't really know

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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    I've never seen a grand send off, and we didn't want one because we didn't want to leave the party early. I've never been bummed that I couldn't send-off a couple, either.

    I think if you want to let your H have this and your DOC is taking care of clean-up, just don't go back into the reception - go straight to the bar and people will follow you. 

    You could also just do it leaving the church/ceremony on your way to the reception. 
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    dcbride86dcbride86 member
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    lolo883 said:
    I've never seen a grand send off, and we didn't want one because we didn't want to leave the party early. I've never been bummed that I couldn't send-off a couple, either.

    I think if you want to let your H have this and your DOC is taking care of clean-up, just don't go back into the reception - go straight to the bar and people will follow you. 

    You could also just do it leaving the church/ceremony on your way to the reception. 


    I wish we could do this, but the ceremony and reception are in the same location haha. People are just going downstairs for the cocktail hour, and then back up for the reception. 

    I like your and PPs idea of just going straight to the bar, though, and asking the band to tell everyone where to meet us!  Thanks!

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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    theycallmelinz said:

    I agree that it's silly since you're going to be seeing a lot of the guests after they've 'sent you off', kind of like saying goodbye to someone then awkardly walking next to them because you realize you parked near each other lol

    I do like the idea of sparklers and guests, and I'm sad that my venue doesnt allow this. We can have either bird seed or bubbles. Boring.

    Sort of related question, sorry to thread jack! Is it considered poor etiquette for the B&G to leave before the guests? I've been to several weddings where there was a send off, but since the B&G are hosting, isn't the like leaving your own party? Or do we make an exception for weddings?

    If the bride and groom are the only hosts, than yes, it's probably sort of rude. Because the guests are left to fend for themselves.

    However, every wedding I've been to has had one or both sets of parents as the hosts, so therefore it's fine.  
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Back in the day, the B&G had send offs bc they left early to start the honeymoon and consummate the marriage - bc less folks were getting busy before the big day or it was at least frowned upon ;) The bride and groom would typically change into different attire and say goodbye to everyone at once and leave. It wasn't the AW photo opp type of send off people do now. Weddings back then were almost always hosted by the bride's parents and the party continued on without the couple.

    I don't care for send offs as they are pretty much only done for photo purposes and that screams of using guests as props to me - but I may be cranky and no fun.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I have been to a ton of weddings and I have never seen a send off.
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    I've been to plenty of weddings with a send-off.  We had a small-ish one with bubbles.  At that point of the night, it was just like "Woo", let's get to the hotel so I can get my damn Spanx off.  




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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I'd let him have it, but relish in LIKELY getting your first "I told you so" just hours after getting married, when people tease you about your "grand send off" and then meet right back up with them.


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    HeatherKatHeatherKat member
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    The only send-off I've seen was at my cousins wedding. We all blew bubbles as they got into the get away car (the brand new Audi he bought her), then the family got to go back inside and clean up and put away tables and chairs. :/
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    theycallmelinztheycallmelinz member
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    holyguacamole79 said:
    I've been to plenty of weddings with a send-off.  We had a small-ish one with bubbles.  At that point of the night, it was just like "Woo", let's get to the hotel so I can get my damn Spanx off.  
    I guarantee this will be my exact thought process that night.
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