this is the code for the render ad
Chit Chat

Such an odd encounter...

Last Tuesday we found out one of FI's best childhood friends (who's also one of my BMs) was back in their hometown, and we were staying there (at FIL's house) for a few days, so we met up for a drink.

Let's call the best friend Kate. We get to the bar and she's sitting with one of her good friends, Jen. I'd never met Jen before, but all of FI's friends that I have met have been so awesome, so I was really excited to meet her.

The second we sit down, the first thing out of Jen's mouth was that she was FI's date to his sister's wedding (which happened 5 years ago). The comment came out of nowhere but I took it in the sense that Jen hadn't seen FI in a long time so she was reminiscing about fun stuff that had happened. FI told her he didn't even remember her being at the wedding, and then she kept talking about it, so finally he remembered; "Oh yeah cuz I needed a plus one and had no one else to ask" (he didn't say it in a mean way, they were just trying to piece the facts together or whatever, and everyone laughed about the whole thing). But then while Kate and FI are trying to move on to other topics, Jen keeps harping on this wedding, and starts insisting that the wedding happened very recently (within the last 2 years) while FI and I were together, and she kept insinuating that he asked her as his date and didn't invite me at all.

Well, no. He hadn't met me yet. The wedding was 5 years ago, which Kate and FI kept telling Jen, but she wouldn't believe them, till I said "Yeah, it was 5 years ago, cuz yesterday his sister was telling us about their plans for their 5-year wedding anniversary." Finally we all moved on from the topic. Again, I thought nothing of it. Jen just seemed drunk or something.

Later, Kate's sister (who I also know fairly well and really like, and who FI thinks of as his little sister) shows up and we're all talking and having a good time. Then out of nowhere Jen starts saying "Hey, [my FI] remember 4th of July in 2012, when you kept hitting on Kate's little sister and trying to hook up with her! OMG you wanted to hook up with her so bad!" Kate, her sister and FI all immediately said that never happened, and FI wasn't even THERE that year. Again, Jen keeps insisting over and over. I didn't believe her because FI has always thought of this girl as his little sister. Then it hit me; that was the year FI came to my aunt's lake house with me, spent the entire week with me, and met my family for the 4th of July. So I was like "Waaaaiiiit a minute. He was with me!" Finally that shut Jen down again.

And again, I thought nothing of it. She must have just been thinking of someone else, and like I said, she seemed pretty drunk. For the most part I thought she and I hit it off pretty well and I had a lot of fun with everyone.

I guess I'm an idiot for always assuming the best intentions in people. We leave the bar and FI immediately says "I never liked Jen. She's always been crazy, and she's always been a shit starter." I asked him what he meant by that, and he said she brought up the wedding date thing and tried to make up a lie on purpose about FI trying to hook up with Kate's sister to PURPOSELY try to upset me and start a fight between FI and me. Um... wtf? Who does that? Even after FI told me this I was still skeptical and was still giving her the benefit of the doubt, till he gave me a few other examples of shit-starting she's done in the past. And I also realized that FI is the most laid-back person ever; if I ever suspect someone of bad intentions he's always the first one to say "No, you've probably just misunderstood" and he tries to settle the situation right away. So if he says someone was purposely trying to start drama, he means it. Then I felt like a moron for being so friendly to her and laughing off all her attempts to upset me, thinking they were honest mistakes and she was so nice. I really didn't get it till FI filled me in. I'm really naive sometimes.

I'm just kind of blown away that people actually act like this! She had never even met me before, I was being so nice to her, and she wanted me to fight with my FI?! Oh well. I'll probably never see her again so I quite honestly don't care. I just find it so very baffling and pointless. Just thought I'd share that weirdness. Has anyone else met someone like this? I hope it's not too common!
image

Re: Such an odd encounter...

  • In addition to the speshul snowflakes of the world, there are the Queens of the Land of Passive Aggressiva. Due to their nature, no one knows who is wearing the biggest crown at any one time. I'll tell ya, though, Jen and my SMIL are both amongst their rankings.

    The best way I've found to deal with these types of people is to a) ignore them or b) if you must engage the cray cray, use logic and specific factual evidence. SMIL is trying to start a big fight over here and turn family against us; unfortunately for her, i've been pulling all the documentation of instances/dirt from when she's obviously been an asshole drama llama and I'll have it ready to go should this bomb drop.

    I'd recommend not inviting Jen to future outings (I know, you said you figured you'd never see her again, but random groupings do occur) and make sure she doesn't know when your wedding is/attempt to wrangle an invite so she can't crash it.
  • There's one dude that both FI and I haaaaate because he does shit like that all the time. Neither of us ever liked him, but he was included a lot because he gets in on the group planning stuff. He ended up pissing off just about everybody, and he doesn't get invited to hang out anymore.

    I think the last thing I told him was to keep my fucking name out of his mouth. I have no tolerance for that bullshit.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    beethery said:
    There's one dude that both FI and I haaaaate because he does shit like that all the time. Neither of us ever liked him, but he was included a lot because he gets in on the group planning stuff. He ended up pissing off just about everybody, and he doesn't get invited to hang out anymore.

    I think the last thing I told him was to keep my fucking name out of his mouth. I have no tolerance for that bullshit.
    Yeah, now that I know what was REALLY going on, I have no desire to ever hang out with that chick again. I see no point in keeping someone like that around when their biggest goal is to make people feel bad and start fights. I think that's fucked up!

    ETF grammar
    image
  • Yeah, my husband's SIL is like this. You can't believe a word she says. It's also coupled with entitlement.

     I don't understand why people thrive on drama. I don't mind hearing about it (hence being on this site), but I don't want to be involved in it. 
    image
    image

    image


  • I went to grad school with a guy like that! He was constantly trying to cause drama between people, especially couples. Nobody liked him.

    The first time he tried to do that with me and SO, I was just like you though - thinking he was just drunk and making a mistake until we left and SO (the one who always sees the best in people) pointed out that he was doing it on purpose to stir up shit.


  • I went to grad school with a guy like that! He was constantly trying to cause drama between people, especially couples. Nobody liked him.

    The first time he tried to do that with me and SO, I was just like you though - thinking he was just drunk and making a mistake until we left and SO (the one who always sees the best in people) pointed out that he was doing it on purpose to stir up shit.
    I don't see how people like that have any friends at all. I was actually surprised that she was good friends with Kate, because Kate is such an awesome person. What's she doing hanging out with a jerk?! But what are ya gonna do, ya know?
    image
  • Ugh, don't we all know a Jen? 

    I have someone like that.  She's definitely a "frenemy" type.  We have a lot of mutual friends, and she has known FI longer than I have.  She loves trying to one up me for knowing him longer, and I'm like, "lady, we're getting married...I win!"  It's a little better since she has a new boyfriend, but now she's a one-upper with material things.  Needless to say, when we're the ones planning a gathering, we often "forget" to include her.




    image
  • So she's a bitch AND she's dumb? Awesome combo. She could at least choose bullshit that doesn't revolve around dates that make her bullshit so obvious. Someone needs to tell her she's a wanker.
  • It's sad, even pathetic, that there are some people who need attention so badly that they start crap like that. Counterproductive, too, because the people whose attention they want that badly eventually catch on and start ignoring and omitting them in response to their BS.
  • lc07 said:
    So she's a bitch AND she's dumb? Awesome combo. She could at least choose bullshit that doesn't revolve around dates that make her bullshit so obvious. Someone needs to tell her she's a wanker.
    Right... the look on her face was actually pretty funny when I said "Wait, FI was with ME that 4th of July; that's when he met my whole family." And suddenly she stopped talking. Didn't occur to me till later that I had just busted her drama bubble :P
    image
  • Yeah, unfortunately, trolls exist in real life too, not just the internet.

    My ex-boyfriend's ex used to pull that crap all the time. She was still obsessed with him and kept making all these little remarks like, "Hey, Steve. Remember that time you wrote fanfic about our video game characters?" Like, in front of a room full of our mutual friends and her fiance, no less. People constantly commented on how tactless she was.
  • Yeah, unfortunately, trolls exist in real life too, not just the internet.

    My ex-boyfriend's ex used to pull that crap all the time. She was still obsessed with him and kept making all these little remarks like, "Hey, Steve. Remember that time you wrote fanfic about our video game characters?" Like, in front of a room full of our mutual friends and her fiance, no less. People constantly commented on how tactless she was.
    I honestly don't understand the point of that kind of nonsense. Especially when they're just making themselves look like jerks.
    image
  • Ack, gross! I know people like this in real life too. I don't get it at all. Good for you for being gracious and subtly proving her wrong with the dates! Would have loved to see the look on her face! I agree with PPs to keep her away from your wedding.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • It makes me wonder... if I had gotten upset, would she have just sat there and basked in it? Like... would she have gotten enjoyment out of seeing me upset? Cuz that's kind of sick.

    And I'm not the type to get upset about that stuff anyway. I quite frankly don't care about FI's dating life from before he even met me. What a stupid thing to get mad about. I had my own dating life too. It's not like we knew we were gonna some day meet each other and end up getting married, so....?
    image
  • It makes me wonder... if I had gotten upset, would she have just sat there and basked in it? Like... would she have gotten enjoyment out of seeing me upset? Cuz that's kind of sick.

    And I'm not the type to get upset about that stuff anyway. I quite frankly don't care about FI's dating life from before he even met me. What a stupid thing to get mad about. I had my own dating life too. It's not like we knew we were gonna some day meet each other and end up getting married, so....?

    To answer your first paragraph: I wouldn't be surprised. IMO people who behave like that do that because they're looking for a reaction. I think keeping your cool was the best way to put her in her place ;)

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • Ugh we all know a Jen.
    image
  • Ugh we all know a Jen.
    Yeah, it seems like Jens are not as uncommon as I was hoping. 
    image
  • That is so weird!! I think people like that are trying to "win". Like they think if you guys fight then somehow she wins, or her life is not as bad or something. I kind of hope that you do run into her again someday so you can be prepared to spew bullshit right back at her. For real, I'd be like "oooh yea THAT 4th of July, I heard you danced topless and gave a BJ to stinky Pete that night!" lol

    5 years ago, when I left the west coast to move home to MA, I was friends with a guy Justin. He had said that he always wanted to visit Boston and that he was probably going there in the next year to visit his cousin or something like that. So I said "Cool, you should! If you come, we can meet for a drink or something". Well I had a boyfriend that I left in that city and we were still up in the air as to our relationship, we were kind of still together, kind of we don't know what's going to happen. Well Justin ran over to boyfriend and was like Jenna's trying to hook up with me and play you- look she's been inviting me to Boston to stay with her! I was sooooo pissed, I told him off so badly.

                                                                     

    image

  • jenna8984 said:

    That is so weird!! I think people like that are trying to "win". Like they think if you guys fight then somehow she wins, or her life is not as bad or something. I kind of hope that you do run into her again someday so you can be prepared to spew bullshit right back at her. For real, I'd be like "oooh yea THAT 4th of July, I heard you danced topless and gave a BJ to stinky Pete that night!" lol

    5 years ago, when I left the west coast to move home to MA, I was friends with a guy Justin. He had said that he always wanted to visit Boston and that he was probably going there in the next year to visit his cousin or something like that. So I said "Cool, you should! If you come, we can meet for a drink or something". Well I had a boyfriend that I left in that city and we were still up in the air as to our relationship, we were kind of still together, kind of we don't know what's going to happen. Well Justin ran over to boyfriend and was like Jenna's trying to hook up with me and play you- look she's been inviting me to Boston to stay with her! I was sooooo pissed, I told him off so badly.

    Wow what a loser. That guy just sounds really desperate for your attention. 
    image
  • Dude, Jen totally wanted to date/fuck your FI and is still bitter that her one chance (being asked as a friend to attend his sister's wedding 5 years ago) didn't pan out. 

    Laughing her off and letting it roll off your shoulder may have been something you did out of naivete, but happily? That's probably the best possible response to her. Girlfriend is PISSED that you weren't pissed. El-oh-el, shit-stirrer.
    I agree with all of this!  She is most likely more upset that you calmly played it off and stayed nice instead of flipping out on her (because then she could play the victim and say you were the crazy one and she was just joking or whatever).
  • Now that I think of it, Jen left without even saying goodbye to any of us. FI and I were saying goodbye and Jen took off without saying a word to any of us. Then when we were hugging Kate and her sister outside before we all got into our cars, we looked over and Jen was speeding away. It was really strange. But yeah, maybe she was just pissed. Lol. Whatever. 
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards