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Etiquette

Adults only

I would prefer my wedding to be adults only. I have read other posts about this topic and I do like the idea of putting something on the invitation like "we have reserved X seats in your honor."  But I have two thoughts about this:

1. I have some family that would have to travel for the wedding so I would prefer to give them as much notice as possible that they might need to arrange for childcare.
2. If there are single parents invited, I would like them to bring an SO if they wish but would they interpret the "2 seats" as them and their child?


Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

Re: Adults only

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Address the invitation to whoever is invited. Jane and John smith. Mary Smith and John Doe(SO). Mary Smoth and Guest(no SO).
    weddingcactusSP29
  • 1. Let those people know by word of mouth that kids aren't invited if you think it's really necessary. Are you sending save the dates? If so, address the save the date to Mr and Mrs John Doe. If you don't put "and family" on the save the date, they should get it, and then have advanced notice.

    2. Again, this is just a matter of addressing the invitation correctly. Mr. John Doe and Guest would mean he should bring a date, not his kid. If he RSVPs for himself and his kid, you'll just have to call him, apologize for the misunderstanding, and let him know it was for him and a date.
    image
    whovianstark
  • Makes sense. Thanks!
    1. Let those people know by word of mouth that kids aren't invited if you think it's really necessary. Are you sending save the dates? If so, address the save the date to Mr and Mrs John Doe. If you don't put "and family" on the save the date, they should get it, and then have advanced notice.

    2. Again, this is just a matter of addressing the invitation correctly. Mr. John Doe and Guest would mean he should bring a date, not his kid. If he RSVPs for himself and his kid, you'll just have to call him, apologize for the misunderstanding, and let him know it was for him and a date.

  • Address the invites to the people invited, and you can also do a line on the RSVP like you said - we have reserved ___ seats in your honor.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Seconding what others have said.

    Address the invite only to the people invited. Inner envelopes help too.

    Outer: Mr. & Mrs. John Doe
    Inner: John & Jane

    I've also had friends put on the reply card:

    __ of _2_ Accept
    __ of _2_ Decline

    Or something like that (with the numbers already filled in).


    DO NOT put "Adults only" or "No children" on the invitation. I recently received an invitation that says at the bottom in small print "Black tie optional. No children, please." I wanted to barf.

    My best advice: Hire a babysitter! You can get a stellar high school or college student to babysit for ~$15/hour. That way if any of your guests have to travel with kids or won't have childcare available, they won't miss your wedding. Buy some snacks and games for the kids and have the babysitter order a couple of pizzas.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • "And Guest" means that the guest can bring anyone of any age.   Technically a single mom could bring one of her children if you invited her with a guest.   Most people understand that it means a peer but that's not the case for all people.


    whovianstarkSP29MairePoppy
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Seconding what others have said.

    Address the invite only to the people invited. Inner envelopes help too.

    Outer: Mr. & Mrs. John Doe
    Inner: John & Jane

    I've also had friends put on the reply card:

    __ of _2_ Accept
    __ of _2_ Decline

    Or something like that (with the numbers already filled in).


    DO NOT put "Adults only" or "No children" on the invitation. I recently received an invitation that says at the bottom in small print "Black tie optional. No children, please." I wanted to barf.

    My best advice: Hire a babysitter! You can get a stellar high school or college student to babysit for ~$15/hour. That way if any of your guests have to travel with kids or won't have childcare available, they won't miss your wedding. Buy some snacks and games for the kids and have the babysitter order a couple of pizzas.
    Yeah, not all parents are keen on letting their kid be watched by a complete stranger in a different city in a strange room.  And if you do this then you have to be okay with the parents going and getting their kids from the sitter and bringing them into the reception because kids get restless and if they are not comfortable may cry and scream for their parents.  I really don't think this idea works as well as many think it does.

    SP29
  • banana468 said:
    "And Guest" means that the guest can bring anyone of any age.   Technically a single mom could bring one of her children if you invited her with a guest.   Most people understand that it means a peer but that's not the case for all people.

     


    Yes that was my worry as well, do you have any suggestions for me, or should I hope for the best that people will undestand it?

     

    Thanks!

  • I'm really not a huge fan of the "reserved __ seats in your honor" line.  It sounds like admission tickets; like "hey, two spots saved for you and whoever else!"

    Just personal preference, though.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    banana468 said:
    "And Guest" means that the guest can bring anyone of any age.   Technically a single mom could bring one of her children if you invited her with a guest.   Most people understand that it means a peer but that's not the case for all people.

     


    Yes that was my worry as well, do you have any suggestions for me, or should I hope for the best that people will undestand it?

     

    Thanks!

    Don't invite people with a guest.  But other then that, if you put "and Guest" on your invite then there is really nothing you can do in regards of controlling who they bring.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers


    banana468 said:

    "And Guest" means that the guest can bring anyone of any age.   Technically a single mom could bring one of her children if you invited her with a guest.   Most people understand that it means a peer but that's not the case for all people.

     




    Yes that was my worry as well, do you have any suggestions for me, or should I hope for the best that people will undestand it?

     

    Thanks!

    Sadly, this is an area where traditional etiquette comes up short because it doesn't allow you to specify that children or whoever are not invited and expects you to hope for the best, yet too many people don't understand or won't accept that their kids are not invited, show up with them anyway, and put you in the position of having to accommodate uninvited, unwanted guests or turn them away. And if you do turn them away, many people will side-eye you for that as well.

    All you can do is issue the invitations to the people you actually want there without using open-ended terms like "and guest," and if someone indicates that they plan to bring someone not listed on the invitation, you call them back and let them know that your invitation includes only the people listed on the envelope and nobody else can be accommodated, and stand firm if they refuse to come without the other person, offer to pay for him/her, etc. "We'll miss you, but unfortunately, it isn't possible for us to accommodate him/her."
    whovianstarkSP29
  • banana468 said:
    "And Guest" means that the guest can bring anyone of any age.   Technically a single mom could bring one of her children if you invited her with a guest.   Most people understand that it means a peer but that's not the case for all people.

     


    Yes that was my worry as well, do you have any suggestions for me, or should I hope for the best that people will undestand it?

     

    Thanks!

    Don't invite people with a guest.  But other then that, if you put "and Guest" on your invite then there is really nothing you can do in regards of controlling who they bring.
    If I was really worried that it was going to be an issue...
     I would call the people who you plan to extend the offer of bringing a guest to the wedding and ask them if they are dating anyone or would like to bring an adult companion. Say you would like to include their name on the invitation. If they say they would like bring a guest, but don't know who yet, you should still be covered because you prefaced the offer with "adult" companion. If they ask if they can bring their child as their guest then you can explain that all of the invited guests will be adults. You may have to eventually point out "who isn't invited," but you started off by extending the invite to an adult guest, not by pointing out that lil Johnny is not invited.

    That is a great idea! Thank you!
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