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Wedding Invitations & Paper
amsimmer
member
Living abroad
So, I live in a foreign country. My fiance is from here. We were planning on getting married in June, although we hadn't set a date. Over Christmas he decided that maybe we could move it forward to February (which is completely fine with me), and we'll be setting a date when he gets another day off of work (around January 10th). If we do move it to February, I'm not sure what to do about invitations. Mail can sometimes take up to a month and a half to get to the US, and people need time to get vacation time and plan to be away from their homes. So, I could do a save the date, but there is still no guarantee that the actual invite would get there before the wedding. Additionally, a lot of family members won't be able to attend because of where we live and transportation time/methods. We know it's correct to still invite them because we would want them there, but we know that most of them won't come. Would it be too incredibly tacky to do e-mail invites only for people in the US?
(My fiance's culture dictates that the groom pay for all expenses--travel, lodging, and food--for all invited people, but I've explained to him that US culture usually dictates that the invited people pay their own expenses but tend to give smaller gifts if any. Also, in his culture, you hand-deliver the invitations because the postal system is essentially non-existent. Additionally, the invites for his friends and family would be in a different language than those for my friends and family; so we'd already be doing them differently.)
(My fiance's culture dictates that the groom pay for all expenses--travel, lodging, and food--for all invited people, but I've explained to him that US culture usually dictates that the invited people pay their own expenses but tend to give smaller gifts if any. Also, in his culture, you hand-deliver the invitations because the postal system is essentially non-existent. Additionally, the invites for his friends and family would be in a different language than those for my friends and family; so we'd already be doing them differently.)
HELP! Please?
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Re: Living abroad
Invitations are sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding, no matter what the circumstances. It is not rude to send invitations to people whom you know cannot attend. It is their decision whether or not to come, not yours.
If I did do paper invites, I'd probably buy them online and have them shipped to my mother who would then have to take the time to send them all out, and considering that she hasn't sent out Christmas cards in 4 years because it's too much work, I don't see her sending out wedding invites either. But I could nag her about it until she does it. That is the ONLY feasible option for paper invites for the US. So, the question is: Is sending out only e-mail invites too incredibly tacky?
There was also the financial situation of the groom having to pay for everything. My parents always told me that they would give me $5k to help with wedding expenses, but the fiance won't accept their money saying that it's his responsibility. He didn't feel that he would be able to have that money until June, but due to a bit of luck and a few sales we have found, it's financially possible to have the wedding sooner.
I've known I was going to marry him for 3.5 years now; so while another 4 months wouldn't be any big deal to me, I already feel like I've waited long enough and want to start our life together as well.
Yes, it is your wedding. No, you should not do whatever you want. There are rules of etiquette that should be followed.
1. Give your guests as much advance notice, up to 8 weeks, as you can manage. An e-mail notification that the invitation is coming is OK.
2. Paper invitations are necessary.
3. What is wrong with you ordering paper invitations locally, addressing them, and then mailing them to your mother, who will then stamp them and mail them in the USA? Stamping them and putting them in the mail is easy. Addressing them is hard.
Yes, and they are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!! Any etiquette book will tell you so.
It is your day and you can do what you want - until you invite guests. Then you must follow the rules of common etiquette.
You are not required to invite ANYONE to your wedding, but if you do, then do it properly. It won't be your fault if the invitations are "lost" in the mail. I would label the outside package "Wedding invitations" in Spanish.
You could sit down right now and hand write a proper invitation to each of your four guests in the states. There's no etiquette rule that says you have to have them printed. If you believe they won't arrive at least 6 weeks before your wedding, call those four people, now, and tell them they will be receiving the invitations.
If you wanted to be told to do whatever you want, you should have asked on that other board.
Yeah, sending invites sounds gift grabby in this situation, especially since you're not even giving people enough notice to make travel arrangements even if they wanted to come.
I also have to say, the fact that your age will be listed on your marriage certificate is absolutely ridiculous reasoning in my opinion. I would certainly prefer to wait 4 months in hopes that loved ones could join me on my wedding day if it meant I had to be known as being older than my husband. I'm 2 years older than my husband so I'm baffled as to your reasoning... To each their own, I guess...
Yes, and they are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!! Any etiquette book will tell you so.
It is your day and you can do what you want - until you invite guests. Then you must follow the rules of common etiquette.
You are not required to invite ANYONE to your wedding, but if you do, then do it properly. It won't be your fault if the invitations are "lost" in the mail. I would label the outside package "Wedding invitations" in Spanish.
I agree that they are wrong. And writing "wedding invitations" on the outside of the package would be a good way to get a lot of evil doers to show up on my big day (and still not have anyone come to the wedding).
lyndausvi said: I don't want to be mean here, but what is the point of even inviting a bunch of people to an out-of-the-country wedding with only a few weeks notice?
I don't care if you called, emailed or paper, my response would be all WTF? Thanks for the few week notice? Do you only want a gift from me? And I'm one who travels, on short notice too. But deciding on Jan 10th you might get married in Feb is not a lot of time for your state sides guests even if you called them. Vacation time is only part of it, you have to get tickets, find hotels, maybe get a passport.
I would just cut your list to the bare minimum (i.e parents and siblings) and contact those people ASAP that there might be a possibility that you are moving the wedding up. Send the others an announcement AFTER the wedding. You're not being mean. Don't worry.
As for being gift grabby, excuse me? I'm not paying shipping for whatever gifts people think to buy for me; so they'd just rot at my parents' house in the US. Unfortunately, for most of us older singles, we've already been living on our own long enough that we don't need anything. My aunt--who, as with many of my relatives, can't make it for health reasons--is already going together with my other aunts and uncles to buy my fiance and I a house so I can stop renting. Other than that, I have all the furniture and appliances I could ever need. I don't need stuff cluttering up my life.
As for everyone's comments about the age, our original plan still has be being older as I was born in late June. We'd have to wait another month or two over that for it to be convenient for people. BUT that's right in the middle of my busiest work season...when I essentially make all the money to pay my rent for the rest of the year. Depending on when we find the correct house for our needs, I might still need that rent money. We're moving it up because we want to be married, and the only person from the US who might come can come at any time (since I'm her daughter), but this time is the most convenient for her.
Not wanting to be older than him on the marriage cert is a stupid selfish thing to consider. Just elope if you don't care if people come.
This is one of the most stupid and vain things I have read on these boards. . .
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Then get married now and keep the wedding to immediate family only. Honestly by wanting to get married so soon and knowing that most OOT guests won't come because of the lack of notice then why even bother inviting those people?
You're not being mean. Don't worry.
As for being gift grabby, excuse me? I'm not paying shipping for whatever gifts people think to buy for me; so they'd just rot at my parents' house in the US. Unfortunately, for most of us older singles, we've already been living on our own long enough that we don't need anything. My aunt--who, as with many of my relatives, can't make it for health reasons--is already going together with my other aunts and uncles to buy my fiance and I a house so I can stop renting. Other than that, I have all the furniture and appliances I could ever need. I don't need stuff cluttering up my life.
As for everyone's comments about the age, our original plan still has be being older as I was born in late June. We'd have to wait another month or two over that for it to be convenient for people. BUT that's right in the middle of my busiest work season...when I essentially make all the money to pay my rent for the rest of the year. Depending on when we find the correct house for our needs, I might still need that rent money. We're moving it up because we want to be married, and the only person from the US who might come can come at any time (since I'm her daughter), but this time is the most convenient for her.
Psst. You are indeed older than your FI, stop pretending that getting married a certain time of year is going to change that fact.