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Should I ask her to be a bridesmaid?

Knottie67561258Knottie67561258 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I have a friend who is also engaged. I want to ask her to be one of my bridesmaids but her wedding is set for October 2016 and mine is June 2016. I feel like I would be encrouching on her "bride time" and that's the last thing that I want to do. I also don't want her to feel like I am leaving her out. 
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Re: Should I ask her to be a bridesmaid?

  • BrandNewJBrandNewJ member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You should NOT ask anyone to be in your party any earlier than about 9 months. Relationships change constantly and you don't want to regret any choices you made a year and a half early.

    With that warning, if you still want to ask her at 9 months out then do it. She only has to show up on time in the dress. This shouldn't impede on her "bride time" at all. Ask whoever you want and leave it up to her to decide if she wants to be a bridesmaid. 
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    BrandNewJ said:

    You should NOT ask anyone to be in your party any earlier than about 9 months. Relationships change constantly and you don't want to regret any choices you made a year and a half early.


    With that warning, if you still want to ask her at 9 months out then do it. She only has to show up on time in the dress. This shouldn't impede on her "bride time" at all. Ask whoever you want and leave it up to her to decide if she wants to be a bridesmaid. 
    All these things. Please don't ask this early.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Don't ask this early, no, but do not hesitate to eventually do so because it would interfere with her "bride time." It is a ridiculous notion that someone can't be in a wedding while planning her own.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ditto PPs--wait to ask.

    And ponder this...are you concerned she won't have enough "bride time" because you're planning on putting her to work?  Bridesmaids are not labor.  They're the people you celebrate with because you love them.  Picking out a dress, and coming to some pre-wedding parties if you're having them and she wants to come doesn't take much time at all.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You can definitely ask her! Even if you were getting married in September'16, it would be fine. All she has to do is buy the dress and show up on time. There's nothing else "required" so it shouldn't be a problem.

    But wait until closer to the wedding. It's way to early right now.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    The only way it would impede on her would be if your weddings were on the same day. You're allowed to have "bride time" too, and you're allowed to ask whoever means the most to you to be your bridesmaids. No worries! 

    But I also agree with PPs, don't ask this soon! Trust me, there is a reason we're all telling you this. 
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Knottie67561258 said:
    I have a friend who is also engaged. I want to ask her to be one of my bridesmaids but her wedding is set for October 2016 and mine is June 2016. I feel like I would be encrouching on her "bride time" and that's the last thing that I want to do. I also don't want her to feel like I am leaving her out. 

    Anniversary

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  • LulawifeLulawife member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I would definitely ask her (closer to the wedding date)! One of my bridesmaids is getting married the weekend before me in a different state but she is still going to stand up with me. 
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Knottie67561258 said:
    I have a friend who is also engaged. I want to ask her to be one of my bridesmaids but her wedding is set for October 2016 and mine is June 2016. I feel like I would be encrouching on her "bride time" and that's the last thing that I want to do. I also don't want her to feel like I am leaving her out. 

    Forget the fact that she's getting married.  Do you want her as one of your bridesmaids?  That's the only thing that matters.

    We went to our cousin's shower/bachelorette two months before my sister (C) got married.  Then, C was MC at cousin's wedding a month and a half before her own wedding.  I was C's MOH two months before I got married, and she was my MOH.  None of that encroached on anything/anyone else.  Why on earth would it?

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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  • Knottie67561258Knottie67561258 member
    First Comment
    atlastmrsg said:
    Ditto PPs--wait to ask.

    And ponder this...are you concerned she won't have enough "bride time" because you're planning on putting her to work?  Bridesmaids are not labor.  They're the people you celebrate with because you love them.  Picking out a dress, and coming to some pre-wedding parties if you're having them and she wants to come doesn't take much time at all.
    Oh no!! No I don't plan on putting her to work, she is just stressing out trying to plan her own wedding, I don't want to add to it by asking her opinion on the same things for myself. she has always been the person I go to when I want to rip my hair out with stress (we have been friends since middle school, attended the same High School and College) and I know that she is going to be just as stressed as me. 
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  • Knottie67561258Knottie67561258 member
    First Comment
    mrscomposer said:
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    Forget the fact that she's getting married.  Do you want her as one of your bridesmaids?  That's the only thing that matters.

    We went to our cousin's shower/bachelorette two months before my sister (C) got married.  Then, C was MC at cousin's wedding a month and a half before her own wedding.  I was C's MOH two months before I got married, and she was my MOH.  None of that encroached on anything/anyone else.  Why on earth would it?

    I'm just worried about adding to her stress level, lord knows I have dumped so much of my own stress on her over the years while venting frustrations I don't want to stress her out more by adding my own to hers. 
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie67561258 said:
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    I'm just worried about adding to her stress level, lord knows I have dumped so much of my own stress on her over the years while venting frustrations I don't want to stress her out more by adding my own to hers. 
    Ask her to be a BM, then ask your FI all those other questions. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When the time comes, see how she is doing with juggling planning her wedding, work & life. Granted being a BM only requires that she gets the dress & shows up but how many BM really only "just show up." Meaning most BM plan a shower and/or bachlorette pary (even though not required). When asking just say, acknowledge that you realize she is busy but that you would love to have her as a BM but if her schedule is too busy, you understand. This way she won't feel left out but you are giving her a chance to say no if she doesn't feel she can do it and be the BM she would like to be for you.
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    Knottie67561258 said:
    show previous quotes
    I'm just worried about adding to her stress level, lord knows I have dumped so much of my own stress on her over the years while venting frustrations I don't want to stress her out more by adding my own to hers. 


    Both of you have over a year until your wedding - even if you're only half organized, you can get things done at a nice, leisurely pace and not be stressed about it.  We planned our wedding in four months, and the only thing I was stressed over was the one thing I didn't have control over (weather - my grandma said she wasn't coming if there was snow on the ground).  And ditto what Esstee said - the person you should be venting to is the other person getting married at YOUR wedding.

    ETA - my sister and I both had moments where we would text each other and say 'such and such wedding planning, grr, argh', and the other would commiserate because they were going through the same thing - but it didn't add to the other person's stress level.  Why would it?  It was the other person's wedding.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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