Have some time but need some help!

alissakay7 · January 2015

So my fiancé and I just recently got engaged (Christmas Eve) and naturally one of the first things we talked about is our wedding party. We are both struggling with this as the day after my fiancé went and asked my dad for his blessing, one of our best friends (his supposed to be best man) was killed in a car accident. We are both struggling with the death, but my fiancé more so then me. I want to think of a creative way to remember him at the wedding, but not sure what to do. I've thought about a candle, but want to do something a little more special. We do plan on asking his two little girls to be our flower girls, but any other ideas would be greatly appreciated!

STARMOON44 · January 2015

I think you should stop, immediately, discussing this. It's too recent and raw. Let there be mourning, let there be a wedding, and don't diminish either by trying to force them to blend. "Creative" memorials are rarely appropriate, and aren't necessary to remember a missing loved one.

novella1186 · January 2015

First, congratulations on getting engaged. And (so sorry that I have to say this in the same post) condolences on your and your FI's loss. I'm sorry you're going through this.

STARMOON44 has given you excellent advice. Let this breathe. Don't mix the mourning with the wedding. Both have to happen, in their own way, and in two very different ways.

Don't use your wedding (a beautiful, joyful, new beginning) as a memorial to your friend (a sad, tragic passing). These two things should not mix. Your guests who are aware of the loss will be made to feel very sad, and your guests who are not aware will be very confused and likely feel awkward.

If you want to have a special reminder for the friend, the candle idea is really the best. But don't do a ceremonial lighting of the candle in front of everyone. Just have it lit somewhere during the reception where you and your FI can see it and know what it stands for, take a moment to think of your dear friend, and then go on to have a wonderful day. I doubt this friend would want your wedding to become a sad occasion.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

What Starmoon said. Right now you should be mourning your friends death, not worrying about how to have some creative memorial for him at your wedding. This is one of those times when your wedding plans need to be pushed to the back burner.

AddieCake · January 2015

Agree with PPs. Don't even be thinking about this right now.

climbingsingle · January 2015

I'm sorry about your FI's friend. Starmoon is spot on.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Give it some time. I think it's wonderful that you want to remember his friend on your special day. But it might be something better done as a private moment. Either share a private moment of silence/prayer together, do a shot in his memory (this would be easy to incorproate others that knew him). Or if there is something special the two of them shared like the love of a sports team, being in the miltary together, muscles cars, whatever. Try to find him something that incorporates they thing they shared into maybe his cuff links. Don't memorizlize him with photos or in your program. It's just going to be big reminder to him & everyone that knew your friend that he isn't there to celebrate with you in person.

Jen4948 · January 2015

I'm very sorry for your FI's loss.

That said, I agree with PPs. Give yourselves some time. Don't try to come up with a memorial for him, let alone a "creative" one, now.

Have some time but need some help!

Re: Have some time but need some help!

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