When your father refuses to walk you down the isle..

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

Im not sue how to handle on what to do..My father will not be attending my wedding and im not sure how to handle the siduation and the emotions that i have been feeling..

photokitty · January 2015

You pick someone else to escort you - brother, mother, uncle, friend, FI, grandpa, grandma, hairdresser, anyone you want- or walk by yourself. Don't let it ruin your day. GL!

Knottie14623169 said:

Im not sue how to handle on what to do..My father will not be attending my wedding and im not sure how to handle the siduation and the emotions that i have been feeling..

AprilH81 · January 2015

I'm so sorry this is difficult for you.

You can do whatever you want to do. You can walk alone, with another family member (male or female), with your fiance. ANYTHING you feel comfortable with as long as it doesn't make the other person uncomfortable.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

I'm sorry you are feeling so upset about this. Is his nonattendance a surprise or something you have some time to prepare for?

Either way, you can walk alone or with anybody you want. You can even walk in with your Fi. Your escort doesn't need to be your dad, a male, or even a family member. Anyone can walk with you as long as you are both comfortable with it.

paperpusher · January 2015

I'm so sorry.
I agree with the PPs. I had my H walk with me down the aisle.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

As far as the situation, consider your FI or your mom. As far as your feelings, I'm so sorry. Have you talked to any professional about your relationship with your dad? Take care of yourself first so you can enjoy this wonderful moment.

Blergbot · January 2015

Paging @FiancB‌. I know she dealt with a situation where her father wouldn't walk her down the aisle because she wasn't having a religious ceremony or something. PP's advice about finding someone else or walking by yourself is good advice. If you're not too traditional, an option I really love is to walk down the ailse with your FI.

chibiyui · January 2015

"Aw, I'm sorry you won't be able to make it to my wedding Dad, I'll keep this in mind when I forget to tour and read reviews for your eventual nursing home."

I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*

novella1186 · January 2015

NYCMercedes said:

As far as the situation, consider your FI or your mom. As far as your feelings, I'm so sorry. Have you talked to any professional about your relationship with your dad? Take care of yourself first so you can enjoy this wonderful moment.

This. It might help to talk to a professional (I can say from personal experience that it does make a difference). Hugs. I'm sorry you have to deal with this

ashley8918 · January 2015

Well, my dad isn't in the picture; but my grandpa, who was supposed to walk me down the aisle, didn't come to my wedding. I planned on walking down myself, but my mom REALLY wanted to do it.

Honestly, do you really want someone walking you down the aisle who doesn't want to be there? I wouldn't. Had my grandpa showed up (after saying that he did not want to be there on my wedding day) and wanted to walk me down, I would have told him to suck a bag of dicks.

KytchynWitche · January 2015

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's a horrible place to be. My dad disowned me (and my sister) a little less than a year before my wedding. I seriously considered walking alone, but then I remembered that my ankles tend to wobble if I'm nervous, so I asked my brother. He was thrilled to do it and I made it up the "aisle" without falling headfirst into the "altar". You can ask anyone you like to be your "bridal escort", you can even walk in with your SO if you like. Or you can go it alone. Whatever makes YOU most comfortable.

themuffinman16 · January 2015

My dad did not walk me down the aisle nor did he attend my wedding. I walked down the aisle with my grandpa. Looking back at all of the pictures, I am glad my father did not attend. I only had love and support on my wedding day, and not forced attendance.

If my grandpa weren't able to come to my wedding, I would have had my twin sister walk me down the aisle or my mother, or even walk by myself. Once you realize that your goal is to make it to the end of the aisle to be joined in marriage, how you get there becomes less important, and all of the drama will fall away, I promise you.

lurkergirl · January 2015

I'm pretty sure @jennycolada walked down the aisle with her FI. As pps have stated, you can choose anyone to walk you or nobody at all!

Sorry you're dealing with this, though

ahyatt87 · January 2015

I'm so sorry.

Ditto everyone else. I actually had my dad walk me halfway, then met my DH and walked the rest of the way with him. Our officiant suggested I walk with DH because we were the ones starting a new journey together into married life. Would you be open to walking with your FI?

Jen4948 · January 2015

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I hope you can find someone else to walk you down the aisle. It's not the same as having your father do it, but if he can't pur a negative attitude towards you and/or your mother or whatever aside for one day to be there for you, then maybe it's better if he isn't there.

Best wishes!

larrygaga · January 2015

I love the idea of walking up with my FI. I would do it except FI doesn't like the idea and my dad would be so hurt.

Take the opportunity and run, I say.

JennyColada · January 2015

lurkergirl said:
I'm pretty sure @jennycolada walked down the aisle with her FI. As pps have stated, you can choose anyone to walk you or nobody at all!

Sorry you're dealing with this, though

Aw thanks @lukergirl! I was planning to, but then like 3 days before I found out that my dad actually really wanted to walk me down (even though with our small group we didn't really do a professional) so we adjusted things.

It actually ended up being awkward, but I think he really would have regretted not having the chance to do it, so I would have felt like a big ol' bitch being like "nah pops".

So OP, there might even be someone else craving the "honor" of walking you down. Ask some of your nearest and dearest. I loved the idea of walking with DH and think it would have been a fun memory (but we were able to enter the ceremony area together!).

JaniV123 · January 2015

I am having the same issue, although we don't even really know if my dad will make it to the wedding, he is still on transplant list and his kidneys are starting to shut down. He has expressed that he doesnt care about walking me down, and even though we dont have that strong a bond, I still like for him to walk me down. I still dont know what to do, if my dad doesnt want to/cant then I will probably ask my uncle/godfather.

FiancB · January 2015

Knottie14623169 said:

Im not sue how to handle on what to do..My father will not be attending my wedding and im not sure how to handle the siduation and the emotions that i have been feeling..

@Knottie14623169 what's going on? Why isn't he attending? Advice would be easier to give with context.

Anyway thanks @blergbot for the tag. Personally my dad told me about 6 months before the wedding that he would not be walking me down the aisle because they are Catholic and I am atheist and I wanted a secular ceremony. At first I was okay with it and then I got really mad. I ended up saying screw this, I'm having the wedding where I live because what's the point of dragging all the people that support us out to where these nonsupporters are?

My dad did come to my wedding but as expected did not walk me down the aisle or dance with me. If my parents hadn't shown up things wouldn't have been much different (actually, they would probably have been a lot easier!). I wasn't sure until the last minute what I was going to do, I figured I'd just do what felt right. I thought about walking with my friends, my sister, the best man, or H. My BIL offered too. I ended up walking alone. We skipped the parent dances- again I wasn't sure until the last minute whether he'd dance with me or not, so I just asked the DJ to check in with me before announcing them.

I guess my point is, you aren't the only one to ever have a dad be a dick for whatever reason. It's not a huge deal. A lot of people skip that stuff anyway since, y'know, we aren't chattel anymore. Most of the people attending were aware of my situation and told me it was great and I had some cajones to do that.

I think we've been raised all our lives to believe that every little detail of our weddings are OMG SUCH A HUGE DEAL when it's just not. When people that aren't familiar with the situation see that your dad isn't there, they will shrug, think "that's different", and continue watching the ceremony.

As far as emotions go, yeah it's been 6 months and I still am pissed at my parents and have scaled way the fuck back on our relationship, but that was a long time coming anyway. If they hadn't shown at all I probably would've taken that as an excellent excuse to cut the cord altogether. YMMV.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

As my parents of requirement aren't going to be invited, not a huge deal. They do not exist in my world. Email goes directly to spam, voicemail gets automatically deleted, mail gets shredded without opening. They'd like me around because I refuse to provide the punching bag for her narcissistic fits so she won't give up. I just don't respond at all to her. Will I eventually miss family news - yes. Do I care - no. She truly is a narcissist and has no clue what she's done wrong. There's nothing left.

If you walk alone, make sure your gown allows that. For me, ball gowns are hard to walk in and I'd need a hand.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

@FiancB‌ That's beautiful! You are so strong! Way to let him go! Congrats and kudos!

sophhabobopha · January 2015

Sorry you're feeling upset! I will be walking with my (then) five year old brother. You'll find something right!

larrygaga · January 2015

sophhabobopha said:

Sorry you're feeling upset! I will be walking with my (then) five year old brother. You'll find something right!

Please tell me he is going to wear cute little dress clothes this sounds like the cutest thing ever

phira · January 2015

My dad did not attend my wedding (because I did not invite him). I had wanted to walk down the aisle with my then fiancé, but he was adamant that he have that moment where he saw me walking down the aisle towards him. Then I planned to walk alone, but my mom asked me if she could walk me down. So we went with that (and had my fiancé's parents both walk him down, adding in another Jewish tradition to our sort-of-Jewish wedding).

However, I've been estranged from my dad for about 9 of the past 11 years, and I've made my peace with that. It sounds like everything is still fresh and on-going for you. I strongly recommend you talk to a therapist or counselor.

Meanwhile, as everyone else has pretty much mentioned, there are other options. I suggest that you pick one and ascribe as much happy meaning to it as possible. For me, it meant so much for my mom to walk me down: she pretty much raised me and I have a wonderful close relationship with her. It helped a lot to focus on who was present with me, and not on who was absent.

emmaaa · January 2015

My dad refused to come to the wedding. My parents had a nasty divorce six years ago and he does not want to see my mom. Although it is immature and childish behavior, I knew I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. My dad gave us his blessing and wanted to make sure I understood it had nothing to o with me that wasn't coming, but it still didn't take away the sting. It really bothered me and upset me a lot that my dad wouldn't be walking me down the aisle, let alone even there, on my wedding day for months.

But a few months ago I realized that I was letting this stress me out and upset me too much for something I had no control over. I knew I just had to accept that he wouldn't be there. I know he will regret not being there for his only daughter's wedding one day, but that will be on his conscience...not mine.

My little brother walked me down the aisle while my big brother played Cannon in D on his acoustic guitar. Then he met us at the alter to stand with me and give me away.

You don't have to have anyone walk with you but you can have anyone who you feel has been there for you to walk with you. Your mom, uncle, grandpa, brother, sister, aunt, best friend, your FI, or alone.

I know what you're going through and it sucks that this is an additional stress you have to deal with. Juts remember everyone amazing in your life who will be there and not the one person who won't.

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

thank you all its nice to know im not alone in this!

When your father refuses to walk you down the isle..

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