Wedding Etiquette Forum

save the dates

HELP! so I have my guest list that I still need to cut, but I have to send my save the dates out, like yesterday. (wedding is in 6 months). do I send save the dates to everyone then who we choose to cut just don't send them an invite, or anybody we are thinking of cutting don't send a save the date and if we decide to invite them send them an invitation?

just looking for peoples personal opinions. THANKS!

Re: save the dates

  • Save the dates aren't necessary and can just be skipped.  And if you skip them then it will be a bit of a money saver for you as well.

    But if you absolutely must send save the dates then send them to your VIP guests that will definitely get an invite no matter what.  Then just send invites out to everyone on your finalized guest list when you are 6-8 weeks out from your wedding.

  • Save the date = Invitation. Often people suggest only sending STDs to the VIPs and people you are 100% sure you are inviting. 

    It is a friendship-ender to send them a STD and not send them an invitation- it is dis-inviting them.
  • No! You can't send someone a STD and then not invite them! Only sent STDs to people you know for sure you are inviting. 
  • Be very careful with STDs!  Only send them to people you KNOW will be invited.  Not every guests needs to get one, only the out-of-towners who need extra travel time.
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  • At this point you should probably just skip them. Save yourself the hassle. Work on finalizing your guest list, give VIPs a heads up over the phone if they'll need to travel/take time off work, and send your invites 8 weeks out.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT send a STD or otherwise indicate to someone that they might be invited, if they could be cut. 

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  • At six months out, I'd probably just skip them. By the time you order them, receive them, mail them, and the guests receive them, you'll be about 4-5 months out. Most people should know your wedding date by then. Save yourself some money and just let your VIPs and other close family/friends know the date verbally.
  • The second option.

    Just don't send them to people you're on the fence about. Because, etiquette wise, anyone who gets a save the date should get an invitation. Save the dates aren't necessary anyway, no one will miss them and if they end up getting an invite, it will be a pleasant surprise.
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  • Just skip them- you cannot send a save the date and then cut them. You should only send save the dates once everything is finalized (venue, budget, guest list). Even when the guest list is final its best to just send them to VIPs. If you are still figuring stuff out just skip the save the dates.  

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  • Another vote for skipping them.   There is nothing stopping you from telling VIPs the dates via other means (text, email or a good ole phone call).


    Anyone who gets a STD MUST be invited to the wedding. No exceptions.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I didn't do STDs -  I just told everyone who didn't already know when the wedding date was.  Most people have been asking me anyway, and I just told them when they ask.

    If people ask that you're still on the fence about, just tell them nothing is finalized and bean dip.
  • " Anybody we are thinking of cutting don't send a save the date and if we decide to invite them send them an invitation " THIS STD=definite invitation.
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2015
    At six months out, just skip them.  They are completely optional to begin with and for most people with most dates, the 6-8 weeks notice that a standard invite gives is sufficient notice.  There's really no need to call dibs on a date so far in advance in most instances (the two exceptions I can think of is for a popular holiday weekend or for people who need to travel so they can save up for expenses and find good deals on flights - and even then it's just a nice courtesy, not a requirement to send the save the date).
  • thanks everyone!  we have a lot of family traveling so we have to do the save the dates, we decided not to send them to the people we are on the fence about inviting.
  • thanks everyone!  we have a lot of family traveling so we have to do the save the dates, we decided not to send them to the people we are on the fence about inviting.
    Honestly, I would just send them to the people who need to travel.  Everyone else can just wait till they get their invite.

    And even if you have people travelling you don't HAVE to do STDs.  A simple phone call or email will suffice.

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