Vent: Freaking out

Re: Vent: Freaking out

• larrygaga member

  

  January 2015

  Remember that your marriage cert is about 20-50 bucks and that's all you need to be married on your wedding day. Everyone else is extra.

  
  

  The lower your expectations are, the happier you will be. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• maeday2 member

  

  January 2015

  Deep breaths. 

  
  

  Perfect wedding = you and your FI getting married. That's the goal. Everything else is a funny anecdote for later on down the road. 

  
  

  As far as the friend drama, that's their deal. If she can't suck it up and not cause a scene at her friend's wedding, then it's best she stay home. You did what felt right to you in asking both to be a bridesmaid. That's all you can do. 

  
  

  Everything will work out! 

  

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• mrsk616 member

  

  January 2015

  take things easy and slowly especially while in school. during the week focus on school and do small planning or projects during the weeks. dont over do yourself. focus on one thing at a time.... seems like you got a decent amount done already. take a break during the first month or so when you go back to school. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• novella1186 member

  

  January 2015

  Delegate! That's great that your mom is contacting a florist for you. I'd bet she loves to help you plan. Whatever you can delegate to someone else (as long as that person has offered to help and really wants to do this stuff) hand it over to them! 

  
  

  Give your FI a (small) to-do list of stuff he can handle on his own. Give his parents/siblings/whoever a task. Give your mom a few more things to cover. If you pass these things off to the people who genuinely want to help out, they'll feel special to be trusted by you and they'll be excited to be a part of it. 

  
  

  Don't look at your entire to-do list because it's long, I'm sure. Look at the next item you need to take care of. Only think about that one thing, and only work on that one thing. Do it, cross it off the list, and move on to the next thing. I'm a worrier too, so when I look at the bigger picture I start to panic. But then when I say "hey the only thing I need to do today is order invitations!" then it's no big deal. 

  
  

  maeday2; that's their problem. You've done what you can. You have nothing to worry about. 

  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  January 2015

  When is your wedding? You have most of the major things done. Do you have an officiant? Work on your dress, because that can take a little while to come in depending on where you buy it from. Remember, all you need to get married is an officiant, a marriage license, and a FI. Everything else is extra.

  kmbay84 said:

  Hi all,

  I am just having my first mini freak out moment about the wedding.  I am not freaking out about marrying my fiancé because he is the kindest, funniest, most generous and humble man I have ever met and respects me to no end.  I know he is the one and I can't wait to officially start my life with him as husband and wife.  We both hate passive aggressiveness and snide comments.  He has so much integrity and has a heart of gold.  He treats me so well and I feel lucky that I found him.  I will stop raving now before you all throw up.

  I am just freaking out about the planning of this wedding.  I was in my first semester of grad school in the fall, but now we are on break and in heavy planning mode.  We have the venue, the chapel, the dj, and the photographer.  We also have a baker for our cupcakes and my mom has contacted a florist.  I still need to get my dress, which I am not stressed about because I don't have to rely on other people's opinions.  There is just so much left to do and I did not realize this while I was in school.  I hate planning and organizing and just want to be done with the wedding and on our honeymoon.  I also suck at making big important decisions.  I know that the wedding will not be perfect and something is bound to happen, but I am just worried about something majorly going wrong, like a bridesmaid not showing up last minute (although I don't see that happening) or there is some other major drama. 

  I also have two close friends that had a major falling out before we got engaged.  I tried to be there for both of them and did not want to pick sides.  I asked both to be a bridesmaid because I felt as though I could not choose one and also wanted both of them.  I felt like they would have been offended if I also didn't ask either of them.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Anyway, I asked both, one said yes and the other said no.  I am still going to send an invitation to the other one and let her decide if she wants to come, but at least I will be leaving that decision up to her.  I would still love for her to be there, but I can't force her to be.  I know it will be ok if she comes, but there is still a part of me that worries that something could be said. 

  I also hate making my bridesmaids pay for anything, but we are covering as much as we can afford.  We are covering dresses, food, and chipping in for the hair if they choose to get it done. 

  I know the day will turn out well, but I am just a worrywart in general.  No matter how much I try not to, I worry like crazy. 

  Sorry for this pointless post, but I just needed to vent!  Thank you all! 

  /rant      

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• kmbay84 member

  

  January 2015

  Thank you @larrygaga, @maeday2, @mrsk616, @novella1186, and @huskypuppy14 for your encouraging words!  I wrote a lot, so thank you for reading all of that and responding!

  Our wedding is toward the middle of July this summer and my mom has been a major help.  I didn't even ask her to help as much because she has a life too, but she seemed thrilled to do so. She is taking care of the centerpieces and my parents were the ones to stop by the baker in the city of our wedding when they went to visit family, so that was super helpful.  I was in my last on-campus days where we had to do group presentations, so I couldn't go.  They booked the baker for us and even put down a down payment, which I told them that they didn't have to do. 

   My mom has been amazing putting all of the decorative stuff together.  She seems excited to be doing it too.  She picked up some candles and the guest book for us, even though I told her that we could get it and she didn't have to worry about it.  She is doing so much that I feel bad, but I should be touched that she wants to do so much, right?  She knows that I am in school and don't have the time to do all of that decoration type stuff.  In fact, she pretty much has the centerpieces all ready to go.  My dad told me that he has just seen her glow during this time period and that it's like she is reliving their wedding again, which is sweet.

  I have also been thankful for my FI for being such a great support system and helping out with as much as he can.  He called chapel (which is antique and adorable by the way!), the reception venue, and the dj to solidify our spots.  Our photographer is actually his boss, so that was super easy. 

  Yes, deep breathes are good!  I need to remember to take those once in awhile or at least when I am getting stressed out!  Good idea @novella1186 to just look at one task at a time!  I am sure that would help, instead of looking at the entire to-do list.

  That is true @larrygaga about lower expectations=happier times.  I am aiming the mentality of whatever comes our way, we will just roll with it!  I like the idea of taking a break during the first month of school @mrsk616!

  We ordered our Save the Dates and they came a couple of days ago, so now it's just a matter of writing out the addresses and sending them out.  It seems to make it even more official! Wahoo!

  My mom was also instrumental is helping to set up appointments at the hair salon on that Saturday morning.  My aunt is a receptionist at a hair salon and she was able to book our appointments already after my mom told her who wanted what done.

  We sort of have an officiant.  Way back when we first got engaged, we asked my cousin who is a pastor at a different church about 30 minutes away from the chapel if he would like to marry us.  Although it was never definite, it sounded like he would be willing to.  We have tried to get into contact with him just to make sure a few times, but we haven't heard anything back.  His father did pass away a little bit ago and he is busy, so maybe he just hasn't had a chance to.  Either way, I am not worried because the chapel has ministers also and the wedding coordinator can get us into contact with one pretty easily.  So if we don't hear from him for awhile, we are just going to contact one of the chapel's ministers, which are on-call. 

  Your advice about the friend drama makes me feel better. I should leave it up to them.  It was just so painful while asking them to be in the wedding party since one basically said that she wouldn't be able to handle the drama of being one since the other one is going to be in the wedding party.  I know she is going through a lot of pain as well, but it still sucks to feel cast aside because I tried to be there for both of them and didn't choose sides. Thus, I felt sad and down during the first part of my engagement, which I know is not how the engagement time should be.  With the help of my fiancé and my other friends, the pain has been lessening. 

  Anyway, you all are right.  The goal is that my fiancé and I get married.  Yes, and a marriage license!

  Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond!

  
  

  
  

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