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Shower Etiquette Dilemma

jessie367jessie367 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My older sister and MOH are throwing me a bridal shower next month. My older sister has invited many of her friends and very extended family, who are not invited to the out-of-town wedding. These are mostly her friends- women who knew me growing up, or who I see once every other year or so at best, and would not have been invited to the wedding even if it was local. I know this is an etiquette fail, so I (and my MOH) asked her not to, but she doesn't really take no for an answer. She says these women will be happy to come and celebrate, which is probably true, but I'm a little embarrassed that it will look like I am just seeking gifts. I guess my question is, is there anything I can do about this? Something I can put in a thank you note to not seem like I was just gift seeking? I really wish she would take no for an answer...
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Re: Shower Etiquette Dilemma

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My MIL wanted to do this, which is why I declined her shower (didn't really need 2 anyway). This is a tough one, because it seems that you can't really decline at this point in time. 

    You could still decline the shower, say you won't take no for an answer. She's being incredibly rude, and it could make you look bad. Or send her here.
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    For me personally, I would politely decline the shower because I would feel too uncomfortable and gift grabby. Even though the shower would not be hosted by me, I would still feel like it would reflect poorly on me as it is an event in my honour.

    However one could say that since you're not the host, you should wash your hands of it and the blunder is on your sister.

    It's definitely a tricky one. I agree with @huskypuppy14, send her here ;)

    Formerly martha1818

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  • jessie367jessie367 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    OP here- unfortunately I can't decline the shower now. Invitations have gone out and the restaurant they are hosting it as has been booked/deposit paid. I'm more hoping that there is some way too convey to these people that my sister invited them, I know it was a faux pas, and I don't/didn't expect a gift. I realize that's probably going to be more awkward that simply sending a gracious thank you, so maybe I'm really just looking to vent...
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jessie367 said:
    OP here- unfortunately I can't decline the shower now. Invitations have gone out and the restaurant they are hosting it as has been booked/deposit paid. I'm more hoping that there is some way too convey to these people that my sister invited them, I know it was a faux pas, and I don't/didn't expect a gift. I realize that's probably going to be more awkward that simply sending a gracious thank you, so maybe I'm really just looking to vent...
    If there is truly no way to stop this train wreck, then all you can do is be gracious. Hopefully, the guests will realize that the blunder is on your sister? Why in the world she invited HER friends to YOUR shower is very curious. Have your wedding invitations gone out yet? At the shower and in your thank you note, make no mention of the wedding. Make no mention of the etiquette blunder because that is on your sister. Thank any "unexpected/uninvited" guests for their thoughtfulness and generosity. Refer any wedding questions from your sister's friends to your sister.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Nope! Nothing to be done. Just be a gracious guest and send your thank yous promptly.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hey, do everything you can to get their addresses now.  People have been here before saying that they can't send Thank You notes to some people who bought them gifts because these people were invited to showers who were not on the guest list to the wedding.  Get addresses from your sister now.
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jessie367 said:
    OP here- unfortunately I can't decline the shower now. Invitations have gone out and the restaurant they are hosting it as has been booked/deposit paid. I'm more hoping that there is some way too convey to these people that my sister invited them, I know it was a faux pas, and I don't/didn't expect a gift. I realize that's probably going to be more awkward that simply sending a gracious thank you, so maybe I'm really just looking to vent...
    Agree with PPs that I would decline the shower. If that is truly not an option, just be gracious. Whatever you do, do not try to do the bolded. Throwing your sister under the bus would be tacky. And the whole point of showers are to give gifts so saying you didn't expect a shower attendee to give you a gift is also tacky and just odd. It would also be horrible to say you didn't expect them to be invited. 
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