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Give me a crash course in wedding shower etiquette, please!

lbailey886lbailey886 member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi! I have a question on how involved I'm supposed to be in the wedding shower planning.

A woman from my church has offered to throw a wedding shower. She first got in contact with my mom, who put her in touch with me, and now we're meeting on Monday.

From what I've read, other than providing a guest list, I'm not supposed to have anything to do with the planning at all, right?

I just wanted to double check how showers work, etiquette-wise, and make sure I wouldn't commit any etiquette mistakes when I meet with her. Thanks!
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Re: Give me a crash course in wedding shower etiquette, please!

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    lbailey886 said:
    Hi! I have a question on how involved I'm supposed to be in the wedding shower planning. A woman from my church has offered to throw a wedding shower. She first got in contact with my mom, who put her in touch with me, and now we're meeting on Monday. From what I've read, other than providing a guest list, I'm not supposed to have anything to do with the planning at all, right? I just wanted to double check how showers work, etiquette-wise, and make sure I wouldn't commit any etiquette mistakes when I meet with her. Thanks!
    If you want to accept the shower (you don't have to), you should ask the host how many guests she would like to host.  Then provide her a guest list.  Make sure everyone on that list is invited to the wedding!  You can and should also discuss dates with the host to make sure you and other VIPs are available.  But yes, other than that, you shouldn't have much involvement. 
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • lbailey886lbailey886 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks! I thought that was about the extent of it. Just wanted to make sure!
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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    I provided a guest list and picked a date based on people's availability (mine, the mothers, and my bridesmaids who were hosting). After that I pretty much just showed up.
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  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer

    Sometimes a hometown person, family meber or wedding party friend have more the one shower in mind.  If someone else is giving you a shower, say a school friend and a bridesmaid together, and also this woman from church, you would want to coordinate this so that the guests were divided by which shower they are closest to,  or your relationship -  work friends or friends where you live now might be happier together, with relatives and neighbors from your hometown and church in a separate one.

    People do not get gifts and attend more than one shower usually.

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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would personally not accept a shower from someone I knew so tangentially as a person at my church who thought to get in touch with my mother about it. Is she someone you would even invite to the wedding? 

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  • lbailey886lbailey886 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Speaking of only inviting people to one shower, how does that work with bridesmaids and mothers? Am I supposed to invite them to all or just one? I know, personally, my mom will want be at every one (if there's more than one), but I'm not sure about inviting the others. I just don't want anyone to feel slighted.
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  • lbailey886lbailey886 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    badbnagdway said:

    I would personally not accept a shower from someone I knew so tangentially as a person at my church who thought to get in touch with my mother about it. Is she someone you would even invite to the wedding? 


    She was one of the first people we wanted to invite. I don't live near my church anymore, so I don't go as often as I used to. She and my family are close, she just doesn't have my phone number, I changed it when I moved to a new city and area code. She just happens to be "from my church" so that's how I described her.
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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    lbailey886 said:
    I would personally not accept a shower from someone I knew so tangentially as a person at my church who thought to get in touch with my mother about it. Is she someone you would even invite to the wedding? 

    She was one of the first people we wanted to invite. I don't live near my church anymore, so I don't go as often as I used to. She and my family are close, she just doesn't have my phone number, I changed it when I moved to a new city and area code. She just happens to be "from my church" so that's how I described her.
    Ah, ok, that makes more sense. If this shower is not going to be local to where your bms live I would probably not invite them because they may feel obligated to come to a shower. I would make a guest list of those who you are still close with and local to your friend. 
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  • lbailey886lbailey886 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    badbnagdway said:


    lbailey886 said:

    badbnagdway said:

    I would personally not accept a shower from someone I knew so tangentially as a person at my church who thought to get in touch with my mother about it. Is she someone you would even invite to the wedding? 


    She was one of the first people we wanted to invite. I don't live near my church anymore, so I don't go as often as I used to. She and my family are close, she just doesn't have my phone number, I changed it when I moved to a new city and area code. She just happens to be "from my church" so that's how I described her.

    Ah, ok, that makes more sense. If this shower is not going to be local to where your bms live I would probably not invite them because they may feel obligated to come to a shower. I would make a guest list of those who you are still close with and local to your friend. 

    Thanks! Everyone I know, including 2 of my 3 bridesmaids, is still pretty much in my hometown, but this shower is likely for the church family. Thanks to everyone for helping :)
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    lbailey886 said:

    Speaking of only inviting people to one shower, how does that work with bridesmaids and mothers? Am I supposed to invite them to all or just one? I know, personally, my mom will want be at every one (if there's more than one), but I'm not sure about inviting the others. I just don't want anyone to feel slighted.

    I say bridesmaids and moms get invited to them all. They don't have to go if they don't want to. I had two showers and my mom and two of my BMs went to just one only because my first shower was where I lived and my mom was 1,200 miles away.

    My maid of honor went to both my showers, although if I recall correctly, she only gave a gift at one of them.
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  • Fairyjen1Fairyjen1 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
       That's what I was always told. BMs and Mom's (and in my family, sister's) can be invited to multiple showers. They only give one gift though. 

       For the record, I didn't have any showers so I haven't paid much attention to the rules. 
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  • lbailey886lbailey886 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate all of it.
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    me my mom and sister moh picked a date booked the venue i gave my mom and sister a list of people and they went from there.

    i knew i wanted cupcakes at my bridal shower and i am the cupcake queen in the family so i made cupcakes for my bridal shower yes it sounds kind of strange that i would be doing something for my own shower but i had plenty of time on my hands  to make all the cupcakes 
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