Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is it rude... (open bar question)

I know open/cash bar questions get asked here a lot, and mine probably has too, but I can't find it on the boards at least not recently, so I wanted to see what you all thought of this:

My venue only allows a completely open bar (pay by the hour), or no bar at all (at least it isn't cash!). Initially I thought this would be fine since we were planning on having an open bar anyway. However, my mom has recently been diagnosed with a very rare disease and my parents are not able to contribute as much to the wedding as first thought. Totally fine! I budgeted for this like a good TKer! We'll just have to cut a few things here and there.

So my question is whether it would be rude to have an open bar for the cocktail hour (6:30-7:30) and then 3 hours after that (until 10:30), and then close the bar from 10:30 to midnight (when the wedding ends). We would provide advance notice of the bar's closing, and we would continue hosting non-alcoholic drinks. FI thinks this is a good idea since it will give people a chance to sober up, at least a little bit, since our venue is not at a hotel and we are not providing a shuttle. I'm worried that this will be either an etiquette breach or at very least, tacky. However, we have to cut somewhere and it's either this or not having a photographer (we've already downgraded flowers to baby's breath... not much lower we can go on those, and I'm learning to do my own makeup for the day). I'd really prefer to have an open bar for at least part of the night if possible since our friends are HEAVY drinkers (I'm in law school... enough said).

Re: Is it rude... (open bar question)

  • What you have planned is fine, but just be aware that your reception will likely end at 10:45pm or 11pm, not midnight.

    Guests typically take the bar closing as the cue that the reception is ending, so they usually start leaving at that point.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother, I wish her well.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Most venues require the bar to be closed a half hour before the event ends, so in your case that would be 11:30 which would require you paying for an additional hour. If at all possible, I would try to do that. Honestly, your party might end up ending earlier if you close the bar early if your friends are big drinkers. Or how about just ending your event at 11pm instead of midnight?

    Something else that's often done is closing the bar during dinner for half an hour to an hour, especially if you are having any kind of wine service with dinner.  In MA there are really strict alcohol rules and there's a law about how long you can have an open bar; for this reason lots of venues close it during dinner so you can have an event of a typical length. 
  • The bar closing is the sign of the end of the party.  If you are okay with the party maybe ending early then go for it.

    While not ideal, I would rather see the bar close during dinner for say an 45-60 minutes.  Then close the bar 30-45 minutes at the end.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I think it's a good compromise, it's not like the bar is being totally shut down. Ask your venue if they would be okay if you made a sign that says something about alcohol service will end at 10:30 but non-alcoholic beverages will contue until whatever time. Put the signs in some frames & put them at the ends of the bar & maybe even one in the middle. But places where people will see them. That will hopefully prevent any guests from getting upset when they get turned down for a beer service because they will have been warned.You can even have the DJ announce say 10-15 minutes prior to cut off, that last call for alcohol, the bar will remain open for non-alcholic beverages though. Then your guests can stock up on drinks and be happy or switch to sober up.  :)

     

  • I agree with pp.  The better option may be to close the bar for dinner and, if need be, shortly before the end of the night.  Good luck and I hope your mom is doing all right.
  • Thanks everyone! I should have noted in the initial question that the venue refuses to close the bar during dinner. Does this change anyone's opinion?

    We probably have the funds to go until 11 otherwise, but I can't stretch any further than that.
  • Then I'd plan on ending the reception at 11, especially since you said your friends like to drink.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maybe close the bar at 11 and end the reception then, and afterwards do a casual after-party with friends who still want to party at a local bar or at the hotel? 

    For after parties, people can pay for their own food and alcohol, and they're totally optional. 
  • Would you be comfortable telling your contact at the venue that your family has encountered an unexpected financial problem, and maybe convince them to let you do wine/beer only? At my venue, wine/beer is $18 less a person than a full bar.

    Good luck, and my thoughts are with your mom. 
  • amelisha said:
    Please don't think of it as a way for people to "sober up a little", though- if they've been drinking, even if they feel okay after a couple hours not drinking, they shouldn't be driving and are still impaired. In fact, it's often worse for people to stop drinking for a couple hours at the end of the night because they then falsely believe that they are sober enough to drive.

    I have no comments on the etiquette part as I'm no expert at that, but I do know about responsible liquor service and I just wanted to throw a general caution out to people who might be thinking this way. It's not your job to babysit your guests and the venue should be dealing with the resonsible service aspect, obviously, but I can't help saying something anyway when I see comments like this because it is truly so unsafe. No drinking and driving, people, plz.
    Amelisha, thanks for this. I 100% agree. I wasn't trying to imply that I am stopping the bar service to prevent drunk driving by any means. I am really only doing this out of monetary concerns, and FI was probably trying to come up with things to make me feel better about having to stop open bar service early. 
  • Why does the event have to go until midnight? 
  • marie2785 said:
    Maybe close the bar at 11 and end the reception then, and afterwards do a casual after-party with friends who still want to party at a local bar or at the hotel? 

    For after parties, people can pay for their own food and alcohol, and they're totally optional. 
    Exactly what I was going to suggest (and did!).  I think we had last call around 10:45, the reception ended at 11:00, and then whoever wanted to went downtown to our favorite bar (where everyone was responsible for their own drinks).  

    Sending lots of love to you and your family during this difficult time.
    Anniversary

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  • I think there is no reason your event has to go to midnight. Usually receptions (including cocktail hour) are 5 hours. So that would end your wedding at 11:30. If you end your bar at 11 or even 10:30 I think that's fine. 

    I disagree with pp about closing the bar during dinner. I need a drink when I eat. People want to drink during dinner, not always near the end of the event. 
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  • Good idea @apromise22! OP, try talking to your venue and see if only serving wine and beer would allow you to keep your bar open longer for the same price (if that's what you want). Likewise, no reason your reception couldn't end at 11pm. 
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