An uninvite by lack of information?

loro929 · January 2015

A colleague of mine had a baby over the summer and has been on leave since. We have stayed in touch through email and I have even visited the baby and my colleague several times. The last visit we had, she mentioned that the baby is getting baptized and asked me if I would like to come. I said of course I would and she told me she would send me the info. Well, the baptism is this weekend and I never heard anything else about it.

I suppose and understand that she may be busy (especially with the holidays just passing) and maybe forgot to send me over the information. At this point, I know it is a lost cause, but I would have liked to attend and felt honored to be asked to witness the special day. For what its worth, it kind of stings to be invited and then "forgotten about".

How would you feel in this situation? Would you have contacted your colleague for the information or just let it go as I did?

I felt that it was not my responsibility to ask for the information, that as an invitee, it should be provided to me.

So, I guess I will end on this note to lurkers: If you are not sure who you are going to have definitively on your guest list (for any occasion in general), do not invite by word of mouth and then forget to follow up. It hurts

lovegood90 · January 2015

Yeah, definitely not your responsibility to ask for any info since she's the one who mentioned it first. I'd just let it go and see if she mentions it in the future.

loro929 · January 2015

I know it's not my responsibility to ask and I would never.

I just wanted to share as a cautionary tale to those who start talking about their plans for any type of occasion (wedding, bachelorette) and then don't follow through on an invite. It hurt my feelings a little bit because I thought we were close and then I was forgotten about.

emmaaa · January 2015

Personally, I would have texted her to ask about the time and location early this week. I guess it depends on how close you are though.

loro929 · January 2015

emmaaa said:

Personally, I would have texted her to ask about the time and location early this week. I guess it depends on how close you are though.

I sent her an email earlier this week, wishing her and the family a Happy New Year (I was away during the week between Christmas and New Year so I didn't write immediately) and she has not written back to me. We are relatively close for work colleagues (i.e. I have been to her house and have her phone number) but I did not mention anything about this weekend in the mail - I did not want to seem too pushy I guess. Looking back, I guess I could have said something. I suppose it is too late now

sarahufl · January 2015

Yeah, I would have asked her as well.

emmaaa · January 2015

loro929 said:

emmaaa said:

Personally, I would have texted her to ask about the time and location early this week. I guess it depends on how close you are though.

I sent her an email earlier this week, wishing her and the family a Happy New Year (I was away during the week between Christmas and New Year so I didn't write immediately) and she has not written back to me. We are relatively close for work colleagues (i.e. I have been to her house and have her phone number) but I did not mention anything about this weekend in the mail - I did not want to seem too pushy I guess. Looking back, I guess I could have said something. I suppose it is too late now

That makes sense. I think it always depends on how comfortable you are to ask. If it would have been my BFF, I would have been, "Why have you not told me about my godson's baptism yet? I need to know!!!" in a playful way. It definitely varies by person and the makeup of their freindship.

loro929 · January 2015

sarahufl said:

Yeah, I would have asked her as well.

I feel bad now that I didn't shoot her a text. As it is scheduled for tomorrow according to what she already told me, I guess it is too late to mention anything now. My fault, I should have inquired here earlier this week instead of waiting until the last minute to write here in my own pity party.

The collective and objective wisdom here is so much better than the scenarios I create in my mind. :P

sarahufl · January 2015

loro929 said:

sarahufl said:

Yeah, I would have asked her as well.

I feel bad now that I didn't shoot her a text. As it is scheduled for tomorrow according to what she already told me, I guess it is too late to mention anything now. My fault, I should have inquired here earlier this week instead of waiting until the last minute to write here in my own pity party.

The collective and objective wisdom here is so much better than the scenarios I create in my mind. :P

Just say "hey, isn't so-and-so's baptisim tomorrow? I would still love to be there!"

KatieinBkln · January 2015

sarahufl said:

loro929 said:

sarahufl said:

Yeah, I would have asked her as well.

I feel bad now that I didn't shoot her a text. As it is scheduled for tomorrow according to what she already told me, I guess it is too late to mention anything now. My fault, I should have inquired here earlier this week instead of waiting until the last minute to write here in my own pity party.

The collective and objective wisdom here is so much better than the scenarios I create in my mind. :P

Just say "hey, isn't so-and-so's baptisim tomorrow? I would still love to be there!"

I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

lolo883 said:

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

Fi's family also does this. But they go big or go home. It's always held at a restaurant or event hall with full dinner etc. I don't understand how the parents ever have the energy.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

Fi's family also does this. But they go big or go home. It's always held at a restaurant or event hall with full dinner etc. I don't understand how the parents ever have the energy.

@JCBRIDE2015 YOU'RE HERE! I'VE MISSED YOU!

Sorry I get really excited when I see your name pop up.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

lolo883 said:

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

Fi's family also does this. But they go big or go home. It's always held at a restaurant or event hall with full dinner etc. I don't understand how the parents ever have the energy.

@JCBRIDE2015 YOU'RE HERE! I'VE MISSED YOU!

Sorry I get really excited when I see your name pop up.

I'm taking a lunch break! I have about ten more minutes until my self-imposed "go back to work" deadline!

lovegood90 · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:

sarahufl said:
Just say "hey, isn't so-and-so's baptisim tomorrow? I would still love to be there!"

I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep, I come from a huge Italian Catholic family where baptisms are almost on the scale of weddings. IMO it's pretty silly, but I'm not religious, so.

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

...my baptism was during evening worship service. It wasn't any kind of production. I think my family went out to eat, but other than that it was very low key.

Note: I was raised Southern Baptist, and as it was explained to me, baptism in that denomination is taken as a choice by the baptisee rather than a thing you do to kids who cannot choose for themselves. We never had bitty baby baptism. So just take this post like I don't know anything.

I would say that if you want to be there, I'd shoot her a text to confirm. "Isn't baby Jethro's baptism tomorrow?" or something

KatieinBkln · January 2015

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

Fi's family also does this. But they go big or go home. It's always held at a restaurant or event hall with full dinner etc. I don't understand how the parents ever have the energy.

Hm. I guess the OP will have to judge whether or not to push it if there is, in fact, a big/expensive after-party involved. I guess it would probably be okay to say something like "Isn't Baby's baptism tomorrow? I'd love to be at the service" to show that you are not planning to crash a $$-per-head event, but ultimately it's kind of a tough call. God knows we don't advocate asking to come to "just the ceremony" of a wedding we've been otherwise not invited to.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

KatieinBkln said:
I agree, mainly because your presence won't require any extra cost or effort on her end--it's just showing up at a church and saying hi afterward (I am assuming this doesn't include a post-baptism party--do those exist?)

Yep. The last one I went to was cupcakes and coffee for everyone at the church directly afterward, and then family/invited guests only for a luncheon. From what I've seen, generally the parents host the post-church snackies for the congregation.

Fi's family also does this. But they go big or go home. It's always held at a restaurant or event hall with full dinner etc. I don't understand how the parents ever have the energy.

Hm. I guess the OP will have to judge whether or not to push it if there is, in fact, a big/expensive after-party involved. I guess it would probably be okay to say something like "Isn't Baby's baptism tomorrow? I'd love to be at the service" to show that you are not planning to crash a $$-per-head event, but ultimately it's kind of a tough call. God knows we don't advocate asking to come to "just the ceremony" of a wedding we've been otherwise not invited to.

I think it depends a lot on whether it's happening during a normal church service (which is a public event) or separate ceremony (generally more private, but not like it's invitation-only necessarily).

anjemon · January 2015

I always go with the "Oh hey I just realized baby's baptism is this weekend..." line when I think someone has forgotten to send me stuff. Just to make myself feel better and like I'm not waiting by the phone for the information. Also it's a reminder without me feeling like I'm a pest.

loro929 · January 2015

**update** In the end, My colleague emailed me with all the information last night. As I mentioned in my op, due to the craziness with the holidays and organizing the event, it must have slipped her mind. Thanks for all the advice though, I, myself, wasn't sure if it was going to be just a service or a service with a party afterwards and I really did not want to seem pushy. Especially in the case that she in fact mentioned it to me and then in the end realized there wasn't enough space or something and regretted mentioning it to me. I guess these things in the end are really a know your crowd thing. In the end, I feel like I made the right choice by not saying anything but if it was a cousin or a very close friend of mine, I wouldn't have thought twice about sending the text. ***sorry on iPad and no paragraphs***

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