Ok, first off a little background. I lived with my mother for only a few short years, my grandparents have raised me. My mom has had numerous husbands and is on hubby number 6, yes folks..6! He is actually a terrific man, and my favorite out of them all! I am honored he has stepped out of the stereotype stepparent role and has taken an honest shot at trying to be there for me. (as best as he can since I was 21 when they married.) They have been married for 6 years now and I can honestly say that if, god forbid, they split he wouldn't pull a "skip" on me like the others. You know the type, all about being "daddy" until shit goes south and then, "I am not your dad and I am not married to your mom anymore do not contact me" (yes her ex before current husband said that to me and I was a very vulnerable 16 year old. Needless to say it was crushing and part of the reason I am so torn on this whole subject)
back to topic, sorry. Now my mom has always been a "friend" and not a mom by any definition. She lived in the same city as my grandparents and I from age 2-7 and she would swing by occasionally. Mainly for money and when her boyfriends would kick her out. When I was 7 she was dating a man who didn't want a woman with "kids"....I say kids with quotes because, well..yea. anyway She picked up and moved out of state. I didn't hear from her again, regularly until I was 13. There is a lot of story in the middle but the point is is she is more my friend than a mother. I have an internal battle daily on not wanting to hurt her feelings, funny huh?, by verbalizing that I respect and consider my grandma more of a mom than her. The point is is that my grandma deserves to be the one at the ceremony to be "the mother of the bride". I do not know how to approach such situations since my mother is a ridiculously conning woman who can flip any situation around and make it out to be the victim.
Now, onto my grandfather. Really nothing to say except he is the best human being I have ever known in my entire life, a real stand up man. I OBVIOUSLY want him to walk me down the aisle, but at the same time I kind of really want my step dad to as well. but for some reason I do not like the idea of them both walking me at the same time on opposite sides of me. I don't know if it is because my grandpa has been there this whole time and step dad is only in the first act? idk...but I would like to figure out a solution to this dilemma which is the actual reason for this thread!! LOL
Nowww onto my biological dad. He was in my life when I was an infant for the first few months until my mom kept demanding she didn't want him in my life etc etc etc. We have only seen each other MAYYYBE 20 times my whole 27 years of life (I also lived 4 states away). I have been dancing around the thought of inviting him, but again don't want to hurt any feelings, especially since he will not be walking me down the aisle.
*totally OT, (ADD, SORRY) why do I have such an issue with the idea of hurting peoples feelings when they have hurt me? anyway...tangent, sorry again it is 1:45AM and this is emotional stuff just pouring out for some reason. The whole situation has since getting engaged. :-/
My paternal grandparents. They are awesome people. We email often, they have always cared and tried to stay in contact my entire life, couldn't really be involved since we lived 4 states apart. Now, the awkward part. My FI and I are thinking about having the wedding at their country club. I think my worry/fear is that, again, I am a little worried about hurting their feelings. They have always been saddened by the lack of relationship my bio and I have. I also feel weird for some reason, even though I am sure they honestly don't care, to show any happiness towards my step dad if I know they can see or will be there (even on FB). why? your guess is as good as mine. anyway the point. If we have the wedding at their country club, and my bio comes, and isn't walking me down the aisle,....but my step dad/grandpa are....I just don't want to have any concerns on my big day that their might be conflict. or worrying the whole time about what are both parties thinking? who all is talking about it yada yada.
So..let me clarify my questions. What should I do about who walks me down the aisle and how can I approach the situation with the paternal grands? Should I give them a heads up on who is walking me down the aisle (when I make a decision)? Should I spare my mothers feelings and be honest with her about how I feel about the relationship we have, as well as how much more I rank my grandmother?