Catholic Officiant NOT in a Church?

acurls · October 2014

Hi everyone...

Do you think it's possible, for a Catholic officiant to marry a couple outside of a Catholic church? Like a chapel, etc? I'm guessing no, but I'd love to hear if anyone else has explored this. My fiance and I are Catholic, but not practicing, and don't feel it's appropriate to have a formal, Catholic mass.

[EDIT ] - There's an entire post on this in the Ceremony & Vows section... so no need to re-hash this topic, but I can't figure out how to delete it!!

agapecarrie · October 2014

If you're not practicing, why do you want a priest there?

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

acurls said:

Hi everyone...

Do you think it's possible, for a Catholic officiant to marry a couple outside of a Catholic church? Like a chapel, etc? I'm guessing no, but I'd love to hear if anyone else has explored this. My fiance and I are Catholic, but not practicing, and don't feel it's appropriate to have a formal, Catholic mass.

[EDIT ] - There's an entire post on this in the Ceremony & Vows section... so no need to re-hash this topic, but I can't figure out how to delete it!!

Not possible.

ETA: It is possible, but the priest would have to seek a dispensation from the Bishop for this.

IrishPirate60 · October 2014

For Catholics, matrimony is a sacrament and all sacraments are grounded in the community and are celebrated there. If you are not practicing Catholics--which means you're not connected to a local Catholic community--then @agapecarrie's question is one to consider.

Knottie10571951 · January 2015

Sorry but i need to know where my fellow brides stand on this...

My fiance and I are BOTH Catholic and have BOTH received all of our sacraments. Even though we do not want to get married in the church we would still like a priest to perform our ceremony. We have not been to church/mass, but that does not mean we are not connected to God or practice what our religion teaches us.God is everywhere, God loves all his children and God, no matter where or when, knows that he is present in every marriage. A building does not define where God is.This seems to be an uphill battle not just for myself, but for many couples who are getting married. There are so many questions surrounding the issue and they all end up with the same answer, "NO" without any REAL explanation.

Is there anyone that understands where I am coming from?

IrishPirate60 · January 2015

@Knottie10571951‌, I hear where you're coming from. Here's where the Catholic Church is coming from: All sacraments, including Matrimony, are public actions of the Catholic community. As such, they are normally celebrated where that community gathers--at the local parish church. (Obviously there are exceptions. People get anointed or baptized in the hospital if there's an emergency, for instance.)

Your local priest is directed by his bishop to follow the ordinary rules and celebrate Catholic marriages in the parish church. He's not available to meet couples at another site and conduct a marriage ceremony.

You and your fiancé, according to your description, are not a part of your local Catholic community. You're missing out on the prayer, service, and support to be found there. How can the Catholic community support your married life if you are absent?

Think of this. The pope recently presided over the marriages of twenty couples who had all sorts of circumstances and histories. At least one couple was in your situation. Where did the ceremony take place? Right smack inside St. Peter's, the place where the local community gathers for Mass regularly.

I hope this helps.

agapecarrie · January 2015

Actually the Catholic faith is rooted and central around the celebration of the Eucharist-- which means attending mass every Sunday. (transported back to Calvary-- to connect and get a taste of heaven is a big deal, so that is practicing what the religion teaches). It's pretty basic in the 10 commandments of keeping the Lord's day holy and when Christ commanded it at the Last Supper.

The church walls are not simply church walls- they are symbolic of the parish community. Marriage a public act to promise to live out an example of Christ's love to each other and the community. These are canonical records that are connected to a parish.

Again the question remains, if you don't go to mass, why would you want to get married through the church?

IrishPirate60 · January 2015

acurls said:

Hi everyone...

Do you think it's possible, for a Catholic officiant to marry a couple outside of a Catholic church? Like a chapel, etc? I'm guessing no, but I'd love to hear if anyone else has explored this. My fiance and I are Catholic, but not practicing, and don't feel it's appropriate to have a formal, Catholic mass.

[EDIT ] - There's an entire post on this in the Ceremony & Vows section... so no need to re-hash this topic, but I can't figure out how to delete it!!

All couples have a couple of options for their ceremony, ONE of which is the Nuptial Mass. You can opt for what is a Liturgy of the Word and exchange of vows without communion (which might make sense if one of the parties is not Catholic or if the majority of those attending are not Catholic).

And you're not limited to having a priest if you're not having Mass. A deacon can also do the job. Many permanent deacons are married men and have a wealth of experience to share.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

Knottie10571951 said:

Sorry but i need to know where my fellow brides stand on this...

My fiance and I are BOTH Catholic and have BOTH received all of our sacraments. Even though we do not want to get married in the church we would still like a priest to perform our ceremony. We have not been to church/mass, but that does not mean we are not connected to God or practice what our religion teaches us.God is everywhere, God loves all his children and God, no matter where or when, knows that he is present in every marriage. A building does not define where God is.This seems to be an uphill battle not just for myself, but for many couples who are getting married. There are so many questions surrounding the issue and they all end up with the same answer, "NO" without any REAL explanation.

Is there anyone that understands where I am coming from?

I don't mean to be blunt ... you say that you practice what your religion teaches you, yet you do not attend Mass. That is essentially a contradiction.

marie2785 · January 2015

Knottie10571951 said:

Sorry but i need to know where my fellow brides stand on this...

My fiance and I are BOTH Catholic and have BOTH received all of our sacraments. Even though we do not want to get married in the church we would still like a priest to perform our ceremony. We have not been to church/mass, but that does not mean we are not connected to God or practice what our religion teaches us.God is everywhere, God loves all his children and God, no matter where or when, knows that he is present in every marriage. A building does not define where God is.This seems to be an uphill battle not just for myself, but for many couples who are getting married. There are so many questions surrounding the issue and they all end up with the same answer, "NO" without any REAL explanation.

Is there anyone that understands where I am coming from?

I understand where your coming from, and I think the best option is to have a non-Catholic priest do the ceremony. It'll still be a lovely ceremony, even if it's not a Catholic one and not a sacrament. But if the marriage is still important to you and your partner, than that's what counts.

If you do not want to go through the rigors of pre-cana and the interview process, and you do not believe in what the Church says about marriage and where it should occur, then explore other faiths. It doesn't make you less of a person not to be Catholic or to practice Catholicism, it just means you have chosen to follow a different path. If during the Catholic pre-cana process they find you fundamentally disagree with core tenants of the Catholic faith or church teaching, they will refuse to marry you and suggest you do a marriage outside of the church. Since it sounds like you may have disagreements with core tenants of the faith, it may just be worth skipping the whole process and marrying outside the church.

I'm going through pre-cana now, and as a "stopped going to church years ago" catholic, it's a tough transition, and one you really need to be dedicated to following if that is your path. We are required to go to church weekly, meet with the priest multiple times to interview and plan our ceremony, have our parents or loved ones fill out paperwork attesting to our freedom to marry, and take a 6 week marriage prep course. If you're not fully into it, it's really not worth it.

MesmrEwe · January 2015

I have to say that our parish priests (since we changed mid-way through because of one being reassigned as pastor of another parish, and the other eventually becoming the Bishop of a nearby diocese) were FANTASTIC about explaining this to us and "why the church" and why the "pretty church" or back yard isn't necessarily where one should choose to be married. If the sacrament of marriage is important enough for the two of you to want a priest to officiate over the service, it's important that you engage in some sort of pre-canna education (which in many states qualifies you for a discount on your marriage license because it's considered premarital counseling) and go from there. Establish a working relationship with a priest as the marriage prep process was one of the better things that DH & I went through before our wedding as some of these very questions you've probably never had the opportunity to ask a priest can be asked and answered. Even areas we'd otherwise never find ourselves discussing were on the table which strengthens your relationship not only with eachother but God.

rcher912 · January 2015

I definitely hear where you're coming from, OP, as I had very similar thoughts and feelings (not a Catholic, but marrying a Catholic), and I wish there were more flexibility.

But at the same time, I had to come to the realization that the REAL reason I wanted (want) an outdoor ceremony isn't because "God is in nature" - it's vanity. I think it's pretty. It's convenient. I want my wedding to be pretty and convenient - I just do. I think it's nice, and I think it's mindful of guests. But ultimately, that's what it is. Vanity. I think the Church is just more set than most on making couples realize this and make that choice. My FI insisted on a Catholic ceremony, so that's what we're doing. (We, luckily for me, did (hopefully) find a compromise there, but that's a long story. PM me if you'd really like details)

I'm not saying that's YOUR issue - I have no idea what your thoughts or situation is. I'm just saying that I think that's a big part of the Church's thinking.

MesmrEwe · January 2015

rcher920 said:

I definitely hear where you're coming from, OP, as I had very similar thoughts and feelings (not a Catholic, but marrying a Catholic), and I wish there were more flexibility.

But at the same time, I had to come to the realization that the REAL reason I wanted (want) an outdoor ceremony isn't because "God is in nature" - it's vanity. I think it's pretty. It's convenient. I want my wedding to be pretty and convenient - I just do. I think it's nice, and I think it's mindful of guests. But ultimately, that's what it is. Vanity. I think the Church is just more set than most on making couples realize this and make that choice. My FI insisted on a Catholic ceremony, so that's what we're doing. (We, luckily for me, did (hopefully) find a compromise there, but that's a long story. PM me if you'd really like details)

I'm not saying that's YOUR issue - I have no idea what your thoughts or situation is. I'm just saying that I think that's a big part of the Church's thinking.

The other advantage is no worries about what if it rains, pours, or 120 in the shade with no breeze, bugs, etc.! LOL

Catholic Officiant NOT in a Church?

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