Children at a Wedding...

admurphy2015 · January 2015

So this has a bit of back story needed... We are not inviting children to our wedding, it's an evening/formal event and also my fiancé has many nieces and nephews so it was helpful to keep cost down. My fiancé has one young son who will be a part of the wedding ceremony and pictures but will go home to his mother for the reception. I have 3 nephews who my sister hoped would be a part of the wedding. My entire family does not speak to her husband/their father due to fairly extreme circumstances. Due to her being my matron of honor and that she will be busy getting ready with me and the bridal party, I was concerned as to who would get them ready/watch them since my fiancé will have himself and his own son to worry about and I would not want their father anywhere near my wedding I felt that it would be best if they were not .Especially since they are not necessarily the best behaved children and she also does not have the money to get them tuxes, nor do I have extra to buy them. She finally obliged to them not being in the wedding, but then brought up them coming to the ceremony. They are all under the age 7 and I can't imagine them wanting to sit quietly through our ceremony while my sister is busy up at the alter near me. Also I feel this would greatly offend my fiancé's family since we are not allowing their children to come. I do love them and would love to have them be a part of my day and considered having them hand out programs so that they had an excuse to be there, but part of me feels it's better if they don't. Our relationship is already strained so I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't know what to do...

lovegood90 · January 2015

I wouldn't have them hand out programs; it's an unnecessary job. Just explain politely to your sister that the invitation was only for her.

Is there something preventing her husband from taking care of her kids that day? If she has no one else to watch them and since she's your MOH, which is a guest of honour role, I would consider letting them stay in order to make things easy on her.

Also, it's considered rude to invite guests to only part of the wedding (ie ceremony and not reception), so I would either invite your Fi's son to the ceremony and reception or not at all.

(Side-note: it's against etiquette to invite someone to an event without their SO (boyfriend/husband/partner), but since I don't know what these circumstances are and it seems like you're hard-set on it, I won't comment on it).

KatWAG · January 2015

Stand your ground and say no kids if you dont want them there. Your sister can choose to decline or find child care.

climbingsingle · January 2015

First, I need to point out that's it quite rude to have your FI's son just there for pictures, only to be sent home for the reception. It's also perfectly fine to have your FI's son be the only child attending the reception.

Stay firm on not inviting your sister's kids. They shouldn't be at the ceremony. Is there a reason the husband can't watch them?

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Wait...am I to understand you aren't inviting your sister's husband? Am I understanding that correctly?

admurphy2015 · January 2015

Thank you, I suppose. His son is 4 and we want him to be a part of the wedding, but we felt that since he would be the only child there, it wouldn't be fun for him, plus he has issues that I didn't feel were relevant to explain that if he was there, my fiancé would spend the entire evening trying to cater to his son rather than enjoying his wedding reception. And as far as the husband not being invited, my entire family, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. do not speak to him. He is not allowed at any family functions ever and has not been for quite a few years now, so no he is not invited and can not watch the children. I completely understand the etiquette of always inviting husbands/wives, but there is so much more to this story with them and I did not feel like I needed to go into detail about because it is personal, my sister fully understands and knows why he is not invited and wouldn't have expected him to be. To add, I don't even want him to know where the wedding is as fear of sabotaging something. If she was able to, she would have divorced him by now but as I said, complicated... I think this will be my last time ever posting since some people seem to bash you and question things they don't understand rather than just helping answer the question at hand. Thank you to those who responded with helpful suggestions.

KatWAG · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

Thank you, I suppose. His son is 4 and we want him to be a part of the wedding, but we felt that since he would be the only child there, it wouldn't be fun for him, plus he has issues that I didn't feel were relevant to explain that if he was there, my fiancé would spend the entire evening trying to cater to his son rather than enjoying his wedding reception. And as far as the husband not being invited, my entire family, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. do not speak to him. He is not allowed at any family functions ever and has not been for quite a few years now, so no he is not invited and can not watch the children. I completely understand the etiquette of always inviting husbands/wives, but there is so much more to this story with them and I did not feel like I needed to go into detail about because it is personal, my sister fully understands and knows why he is not invited and wouldn't have expected him to be. To add, I don't even want him to know where the wedding is as fear of sabotaging something. If she was able to, she would have divorced him by now but as I said, complicated... I think this will be my last time ever posting since some people seem to bash you and question things they don't understand rather than just helping answer the question at hand. Thank you to those who responded with helpful suggestions.

Oh, relax. No one bashed you and everyone was helpful.

The internet might not be for a delicate flower like yourself.

KatWAG · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

So this has a bit of back story needed... We are not inviting children to our wedding, it's an evening/formal event and also my fiancé has many nieces and nephews so it was helpful to keep cost down. My fiancé has one young son who will be a part of the wedding ceremony and pictures but will go home to his mother for the reception. I have 3 nephews who my sister hoped would be a part of the wedding. My entire family does not speak to her husband/their father due to fairly extreme circumstances. Due to her being my matron of honor and that she will be busy getting ready with me and the bridal party, I was concerned as to who would get them ready/watch them since my fiancé will have himself and his own son to worry about and I would not want their father anywhere near my wedding I felt that it would be best if they were not .Especially since they are not necessarily the best behaved children and she also does not have the money to get them tuxes, nor do I have extra to buy them. She finally obliged to them not being in the wedding, but then brought up them coming to the ceremony. They are all under the age 7 and I can't imagine them wanting to sit quietly through our ceremony while my sister is busy up at the alter near me. Also I feel this would greatly offend my fiancé's family since we are not allowing their children to come. I do love them and would love to have them be a part of my day and considered having them hand out programs so that they had an excuse to be there, but part of me feels it's better if they don't. Our relationship is already strained so I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't know what to do...

Because I can sense the DD

admurphy2015 · January 2015

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have added that. It's just a touchy subject that has put a bit of a damper on wedding planning and our family all together. And to add because I didn't even know what DD meant, but now realize. I honestly did plan on deleting this but not because of anything anyone said, but I would hate for my sister to come across this thread as it is a bit personal. I was hoping for some answers and then deleting it, but I realize now I can't, so thanks for that.

lovegood90 · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have added that. It's just a touchy subject that has put a bit of a damper on wedding planning and our family all together. And to add because I didn't even know what DD meant, but now realize. I honestly did plan on deleting this but not because of anything anyone said, but I would hate for my sister to come across this thread as it is a bit personal. I was hoping for some answers and then deleting it, but I realize now I can't, so thanks for that.

We understand it's a touchy subject and no one was trying to bash you, we're just trying to give you good advice. Do you think your sister will have trouble finding childcare since her husband can't watch them that day?

NYCMercedes · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have added that. It's just a touchy subject that has put a bit of a damper on wedding planning and our family all together. And to add because I didn't even know what DD meant, but now realize. I honestly did plan on deleting this but not because of anything anyone said, but I would hate for my sister to come across this thread as it is a bit personal. I was hoping for some answers and then deleting it, but I realize now I can't, so thanks for that.

Is this a sarcastic "thanks for that," as it's coming across that way. Sorry you're having such a hard time. Don't invite the nephews. That's simple.

Oh, btw, please explain the "bash" as I don't understand what you mean.

admurphy2015 · January 2015

Well I guess really the issue is my fiancé's family would be unhappy that I allowed my sisters kids and not theirs. The whole someone getting them dressed, keeping under control was if they were a part of the ceremony (ring bearers). I was trying to think of something more simple for them to be a part of (programs) so there was a purpose for them to be there without offending families who's children weren't invited. Because my thought is obviously if a child is in the wedding, they're invited. I am close with my nephews in comparison to my fiancées family, he does not see them very often and has 20+ Of them so that's why I was trying to accommodate mine to my wedding and my sister also feels strongly they should be there. my sister has suggested my other cousin watch them but does everyone agree that they'd need a reason or fiances family would be annoyed. I think this was a much too confusing topic to ask a thread, I'm sorry.

flantastic · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

Well I guess really the issue is my fiancé's family would be unhappy that I allowed my sisters kids and not theirs. The whole someone getting them dressed, keeping under control was if they were a part of the ceremony (ring bearers). I was trying to think of something more simple for them to be a part of (programs) so there was a purpose for them to be there without offending families who's children weren't invited. Because my thought is obviously if a child is in the wedding, they're invited. I am close with my nephews in comparison to my fiancées family, he does not see them very often and has 20+ Of them so that's why I was trying to accommodate mine to my wedding and my sister also feels strongly they should be there. my sister has suggested my other cousin watch them but does everyone agree that they'd need a reason or fiances family would be annoyed. I think this was a much too confusing topic to ask a thread, I'm sorry.

If his family is going to be annoyed, they'd probably be annoyed that your nieces were chosen to be in the bridal party and their kids weren't. I don't think that would solve anything. Decide with your FI what you want, and then let your FI deal with his family.

If you can both agree that it makes sense to have your nieces, with whom you are close, but not his nieces and nephews, with whom you are not close, then hopefully your FI can say to his family, "My nieces and nephews and I do not have a close relationship like A does with her nieces, so we made the decision not to invite them," and then change the subject.

KatWAG · January 2015

Okay, So let me get this straight.

Your fi has a son who will be attending. Your sister would like her 3 kids to attend. You are worried if the 3 kids come, sister will have to chase after them all day, since her H really isnt in the picture. And you want to give them a 'job' to justify inviting them.

Your fi's side of the family has 20+ kids, that you do not want to invite. And they would potentially be pissed if they see sister's kids at the wedding.

Did I get all that??

So here is my question. Do you actually want your sister's kids at your wedding? Yes or no? If no, then its on her to figure out child care.

If you do decide to invite your sister's kids and not fi family, fine. If fi family isnt hosting then they get absolutely no say in who is or is not invited. Just be prepare for hurt feeling and awkward conversations about why lil Timmy isnt invited.

It is completely reasonable that your fi's kid be the only one that is invited.

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Asking clarifying questions is not rude, or bashing, or people being mean to you. It's asking clarifying questions. Chill chica. Also paragraphs. I mean I know TK is glitchy eats them sometimes, but at least give it the ol' college try.

If you don't want your nephews there, and sister's husband isn't coming either...why can't the kids stay home with dear old dad?

If you do want your nephews there, then yes, you'll have to deal with some of your FI's family saying "well why her nephews and his nephews". And the fact that you have a closer relationship with yours is a good enough reason. You'll just have to explain that.

Your sister doesn't necessarily have to get ready with you. If the kids are going to come to the wedding it might be easier for her to get ready at home and get her kids ready at home, then to get ready with you and the other bridal party members.

Now, I'm concerned that your sister is married to this guy who is so horrible no one wants him anywhere, you don't even want him to know where the wedding is, and she can't divorce him? I'm only thinking the worst possible scenarios here. This sounds really awful for your sister.

jess1669 · January 2015

Stand your ground and just tell her that you're sorry, but no kids. The only kid that should be there is your FI's son. I'm sorry for your situation. I hope everything works out. Good luck!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

Thank you, I suppose. His son is 4 and we want him to be a part of the wedding, but we felt that since he would be the only child there, it wouldn't be fun for him, plus he has issues that I didn't feel were relevant to explain that if he was there, my fiancé would spend the entire evening trying to cater to his son rather than enjoying his wedding reception. And as far as the husband not being invited, my entire family, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. do not speak to him. He is not allowed at any family functions ever and has not been for quite a few years now, so no he is not invited and can not watch the children. I completely understand the etiquette of always inviting husbands/wives, but there is so much more to this story with them and I did not feel like I needed to go into detail about because it is personal, my sister fully understands and knows why he is not invited and wouldn't have expected him to be. To add, I don't even want him to know where the wedding is as fear of sabotaging something. If she was able to, she would have divorced him by now but as I said, complicated... I think this will be my last time ever posting since some people seem to bash you and question things they don't understand rather than just helping answer the question at hand. Thank you to those who responded with helpful suggestions.

This seems very extreme to me. Is it just that your family thinks he's a super jerk or is he actually abusive or something?

How are you going to be able to keep the wedding location a secret from him when your sister and his child are in the wedding party? This sounds like a recipe for disaster- I wish you luck!

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

Honestly, I don't quite have a problem with the FI's son coming only to the ceremony and not the reception. The rule is always that if children are invited, it's up to the parents to decide whether they come or not. Well, in this case the groom is the parent, and I think it's his call. This is different than trying to kick other people's children out; it's making a parenting decision.

That said though, your sister's kids are an all or nothing decision. You can't allow them to come for the ceremony and then tell them they have to leave. You also shouldn't make up jobs for them to do to justify their presence. Just tell your sister that you're sorry but her children are not invited.

HaileyDancingbear · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

Thank you, I suppose. His son is 4 and we want him to be a part of the wedding, but we felt that since he would be the only child there, it wouldn't be fun for him, plus he has issues that I didn't feel were relevant to explain that if he was there, my fiancé would spend the entire evening trying to cater to his son rather than enjoying his wedding reception. And as far as the husband not being invited, my entire family, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. do not speak to him. He is not allowed at any family functions ever and has not been for quite a few years now, so no he is not invited and can not watch the children. I completely understand the etiquette of always inviting husbands/wives, but there is so much more to this story with them and I did not feel like I needed to go into detail about because it is personal, my sister fully understands and knows why he is not invited and wouldn't have expected him to be. To add, I don't even want him to know where the wedding is as fear of sabotaging something. If she was able to, she would have divorced him by now but as I said, complicated... I think this will be my last time ever posting since some people seem to bash you and question things they don't understand rather than just helping answer the question at hand. Thank you to those who responded with helpful suggestions.

Just so you know, I've seen the posters here be extremely supportive to those who need it. Like EXTREMELY supportive. They're not looking to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings- I don't think anyone was intentionally attacking you, it's just that from your original post, we don't know that you're sensitive about anything, or that there is a specific reason for your sister's husband not being invited. That's why people asked you to clarify. We're just very used to people coming on here saying stuff along the lines of "Well I didn't invite this person's husband because of some petty meaningless reason and I DON'T CARE HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS IT'S MY DAY" so that's pretty much what we expect. Again, just clarify (As in, mention if something is a sensitive topic, you don't really have to explain WHY if you're not comfortable doing so.)

In the future if something is a sensitive topic, just say so. And I say in the future, because I promise if you stick around a bit, and are a bit more clear (Because we really only have what you write to go by- if you don't mention something, we have no way of knowing about it) you'll find this is a good place for honest advice, and to vent. You are DEFINITELY not the only person on this board with family drama.

short+sassy · January 2015

lolo883 said:

Honestly, I don't quite have a problem with the FI's son coming only to the ceremony and not the reception. The rule is always that if children are invited, it's up to the parents to decide whether they come or not. Well, in this case the groom is the parent, and I think it's his call. This is different than trying to kick other people's children out; it's making a parenting decision. That said though, your sister's kids are an all or nothing decision. You can't allow them to come for the ceremony and then tell them they have to leave. You also shouldn't make up jobs for them to do to justify their presence. Just tell your sister that you're sorry but her children are not invited.

I agree, I was surprised some of the other PPs had an issue with this. The groom is the dad, so he gets to decide what his son participates in.

It's no different than if I was a guest at a wedding...my hypothetical 5-year-old daughter was also invited...and then she was a tired, cranky, unruly brat during the ceremony. So I decided to drop her off at my mom's house on the way to the reception. It would be extremely rude of the bride to tell me to do that, but perfectly reasonable for me to decide as the parent to do that.

lovegood90 · January 2015

short+sassy said:

lolo883 said:

Honestly, I don't quite have a problem with the FI's son coming only to the ceremony and not the reception. The rule is always that if children are invited, it's up to the parents to decide whether they come or not. Well, in this case the groom is the parent, and I think it's his call. This is different than trying to kick other people's children out; it's making a parenting decision. That said though, your sister's kids are an all or nothing decision. You can't allow them to come for the ceremony and then tell them they have to leave. You also shouldn't make up jobs for them to do to justify their presence. Just tell your sister that you're sorry but her children are not invited.

I agree, I was surprised some of the other PPs had an issue with this. The groom is the dad, so he gets to decide what his son participates in.
It's no different than if I was a guest at a wedding...my hypothetical 5-year-old daughter was also invited...and then she was a tired, cranky, unruly brat during the ceremony. So I decided to drop her off at my mom's house on the way to the reception. It would be extremely rude of the bride to tell me to do that, but perfectly reasonable for me to decide as the parent to do that.

Yeah, I commented that it was rude but for some reason my brain didn't take in that it was the groom's son, haha. So I agree that in this case it's totally fine.

indianaalum · January 2015

admurphy2015 said:

Thank you, I suppose. His son is 4 and we want him to be a part of the wedding, but we felt that since he would be the only child there, it wouldn't be fun for him, plus he has issues that I didn't feel were relevant to explain that if he was there, my fiancé would spend the entire evening trying to cater to his son rather than enjoying his wedding reception. And as far as the husband not being invited, my entire family, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. do not speak to him. He is not allowed at any family functions ever and has not been for quite a few years now, so no he is not invited and can not watch the children. I completely understand the etiquette of always inviting husbands/wives, but there is so much more to this story with them and I did not feel like I needed to go into detail about because it is personal, my sister fully understands and knows why he is not invited and wouldn't have expected him to be. To add, I don't even want him to know where the wedding is as fear of sabotaging something. If she was able to, she would have divorced him by now but as I said, complicated... I think this will be my last time ever posting since some people seem to bash you and question things they don't understand rather than just helping answer the question at hand. Thank you to those who responded with helpful suggestions.

This comment concerns me. Perhaps I am alone, but this sounds like a recipe for disaster of your marriage. If you won't allow him to come to the wedding due to these concerns, what will happen during your marriage when your husband's son needs him? It seems like you view his son as inconvenience.

Vivandiere8 · January 2015

I just want to point out something to the original poster. It might make you feel uncomfortable when people point out things and question them such as "It's rude not to invite a significant other", but the reason they do it is because this is a public forum, everyone reads through all these posts to get ideas, advice, learn from others questions etc. If you don't give a reason for something others will point out that something appears to go against etiquette because they wouldn't want somone else new to the forum to read it and think "Oh look, that's like what I'm doing... not inviting everyone's SOs to save money..." When it isn't the same at all. This is just an example of course.

Point is with out knowing everyone's induvidual circumstances the ladies of the knott try to stay very consistent with etiquette advice, and don't assume you have good reasons that are personal because frankly, even the worst, most offensive brides all think they have good reasons that make them special as well. Basically you can't casually mention an etiquette breech with out giving an explanation.

Knottie72715974 · January 2015

Stand your ground. It is your day and you should have things the way you want. I married a man with children and had a night time wedding. Only his youngest ending up making it as the older daughter was sick. I didn't want either of them there because of the time and their ages. As soon as she started making faces while pictures were being taken his Father took her back to her mother. I don't think there is anything wrong with having them be in the wedding and then having them leave. As far as your nephews, go with your gut...they are young, not well behaved and who's going to be responsible for them through the event? Guaranteed they don't want to be there either.

mikenberger · January 2015

Knottie72715974 said:

Stand your ground. It is your day and you should have things the way you want. I married a man with children and had a night time wedding. Only his youngest ending up making it as the older daughter was sick. I didn't want either of them there because of the time and their ages. As soon as she started making faces while pictures were being taken his Father took her back to her mother. I don't think there is anything wrong with having them be in the wedding and then having them leave. As far as your nephews, go with your gut...they are young, not well behaved and who's going to be responsible for them through the event? Guaranteed they don't want to be there either.

Man. I wish you could be my stepmother. No wait. I did have a stepmother like you. Let's say I'm happy she's no longer my stepmother.

anniewalkerx · January 2015

I'm going through something sort of similar so I don't want to start a new thread..we wanted to have an adults only wedding as well, with only the kids in the wedding party invited (to reception and ceremony). The backlash we're getting is pushing us to reconsider. We've got one person who's sending these passive aggressive texts and making arguments about bringing his kid. If we did that, we'd have to do that for everyone...some people have already made other arrangements for their children..aghhh

Anyway sorry to thread jack. Just wanted to let you know that this is probably a common thing and you are not alone.

Also, I'm just a humble lurker, but the folks on this board are blunt but honest. They aren't trying to attack you. Posting on these boards gives you the ability to see what people REALLY think about your decisions, without sugar coating. There's this book in the Narnia series where Lucy finds a magic library where she can read all the things people say behind her back. That's kind of what this board is. In the books, this is a terrible discovery. In real life..it can be helpful, because you can avoid it! Sorry for the super nerdy reference. Stick around, it's helpful.

lovegood90 · January 2015

anniewalkerx said:

I'm going through something sort of similar so I don't want to start a new thread..we wanted to have an adults only wedding as well, with only the kids in the wedding party invited (to reception and ceremony). The backlash we're getting is pushing us to reconsider. We've got one person who's sending these passive aggressive texts and making arguments about bringing his kid. If we did that, we'd have to do that for everyone...some people have already made other arrangements for their children..aghhh

Anyway sorry to thread jack. Just wanted to let you know that this is probably a common thing and you are not alone.

Also, I'm just a humble lurker, but the folks on this board are blunt but honest. They aren't trying to attack you. Posting on these boards gives you the ability to see what people REALLY think about your decisions, without sugar coating. There's this book in the Narnia series where Lucy finds a magic library where she can read all the things people say behind her back. That's kind of what this board is. In the books, this is a terrible discovery. In real life..it can be helpful, because you can avoid it! Sorry for the super nerdy reference. Stick around, it's helpful.

Who cares if people are being jerks? As long as you aren't splitting up families and inviting in circles (which isn't an etiquette rule in itself, just common guidance to make things easier), just let people complain. They're the ones being rude, not you.

anniewalkerx · January 2015

lovegood90 said:

anniewalkerx said:

I'm going through something sort of similar so I don't want to start a new thread..we wanted to have an adults only wedding as well, with only the kids in the wedding party invited (to reception and ceremony). The backlash we're getting is pushing us to reconsider. We've got one person who's sending these passive aggressive texts and making arguments about bringing his kid. If we did that, we'd have to do that for everyone...some people have already made other arrangements for their children..aghhh

Anyway sorry to thread jack. Just wanted to let you know that this is probably a common thing and you are not alone.

Also, I'm just a humble lurker, but the folks on this board are blunt but honest. They aren't trying to attack you. Posting on these boards gives you the ability to see what people REALLY think about your decisions, without sugar coating. There's this book in the Narnia series where Lucy finds a magic library where she can read all the things people say behind her back. That's kind of what this board is. In the books, this is a terrible discovery. In real life..it can be helpful, because you can avoid it! Sorry for the super nerdy reference. Stick around, it's helpful.

Who cares if people are being jerks? As long as you aren't splitting up families and inviting in circles (which isn't an etiquette rule in itself, just common guidance to make things easier), just let people complain. They're the ones being rude, not you.

That's what I told my FI, but it's his friend in question and he's feeling bad about it. He also sort of doesn't care if kids are there or not, Adult Only has been my thing so that we can maximize our guest list and plan an event for adults. (Typing that out made me feel like an evil witch who hates children).

In this dude's defense, their baby will be barely 2 by the time of our wedding and they are traveling a long distance. I get that it's a hardship for them.

lovegood90 · January 2015

anniewalkerx said:

lovegood90 said:

anniewalkerx said:

I'm going through something sort of similar so I don't want to start a new thread..we wanted to have an adults only wedding as well, with only the kids in the wedding party invited (to reception and ceremony). The backlash we're getting is pushing us to reconsider. We've got one person who's sending these passive aggressive texts and making arguments about bringing his kid. If we did that, we'd have to do that for everyone...some people have already made other arrangements for their children..aghhh

Anyway sorry to thread jack. Just wanted to let you know that this is probably a common thing and you are not alone.

Also, I'm just a humble lurker, but the folks on this board are blunt but honest. They aren't trying to attack you. Posting on these boards gives you the ability to see what people REALLY think about your decisions, without sugar coating. There's this book in the Narnia series where Lucy finds a magic library where she can read all the things people say behind her back. That's kind of what this board is. In the books, this is a terrible discovery. In real life..it can be helpful, because you can avoid it! Sorry for the super nerdy reference. Stick around, it's helpful.

Who cares if people are being jerks? As long as you aren't splitting up families and inviting in circles (which isn't an etiquette rule in itself, just common guidance to make things easier), just let people complain. They're the ones being rude, not you.

That's what I told my FI, but it's his friend in question and he's feeling bad about it. He also sort of doesn't care if kids are there or not, Adult Only has been my thing so that we can maximize our guest list and plan an event for adults. (Typing that out made me feel like an evil witch who hates children).

In this dude's defense, their baby will be barely 2 by the time of our wedding and they are traveling a long distance. I get that it's a hardship for them.

Hmm, yeah I guess the first step would be to sit with your Fi and figure out your guest list plan because it sounds like you're not on the same page regarding kids? I'd get that figured out first, then from there which "circles" you want to invite kids in. Or, if you're just going to allow this one kid and no one else.

anniewalkerx · January 2015

Thanks! Yeah, we're talking about it. I think it's likely we'll be making an exception for the friend.

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