Yep, it's a "how do I say this politely?" post.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

After consulting privately on budget and modesty concerns, I chose a designer and color for the BM dresses. I told all the BMs they could order from wherever they want (it's a very popular designer), but if they wanted to use the bridal shop I found in NYC, they must order by the New Year because of shipping times. The catch is that the shop collects all the orders for the same wedding and puts them in together, so one late BM can hold everybody else up.

All but one BM have either submitted their order to the shop or have contacted me and plan to submit within the next couple days. One BM asked me to shop with her, we couldn't work out our schedules, and she vaguely said something about trying to go to the shop next week. I'm worried that she is going to hold up everyone else who have submitted their orders.

I'm realizing now that maybe I should have been more clear about the fact that everyone else's orders are on hold while she decides. Is there any tactful way for me to say, "Hey, I know you said you're busy this week, but the shop won't order the dresses until you get your order form in?"

Now that the texts about shopping/ not shopping together were a few days ago, it just seems super awkward to text her out of nowhere about this. I really don't want to be That Bride. And normally I would not care (no dress, her problem) but this will hold up everyone else. I'm thinking I just need to say something along the lines of, "Hey, the shop is going to hold onto everyone else's orders until the wedding party is complete, and I'm going to tell them to go ahead and submit the order next Friday. If you can get your order form into them by then we can include you on the group order, otherwise feel free to do your own thing." Thoughts? Is that obnoxious?

larrygaga · January 2015

No. I think the way you worded it is good. Some people need a serious deadline otherwise they will procrastinate like crazy. Make good on your threat and if she doesn't have it done don't hold up everyone else. I say she's on her own!

I am cranky and I have a bridesmaid that is also putting off buying the dress because she doesn't feel like driving ten minutes to the store.

Wegl13 · January 2015

I think that sounds fine. I would have no clue about such things and would thus be off in my own lala land, so this would definitely be a jolt of "oh yeah shit, this is actually important now!" Although if "doing my own thing" was given as an option, I would probably just text you back and tell you to get them to not hold it, and go back to lala land. Which means that my dress would end up being from a different batch (I'm assuming that's why they put those orders in together) so if that's important to you I might share that info.
I may have just gotten a clue why I've never been a BM.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.

larrygaga · January 2015

lolo883 said:
I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.

Regarding dye lots: my David's bridal told us to all order on the same day so the dye will be the same. We are getting dresses in so staggered that it's obvious they didn't dye them together.

And they look exactly the same.

Wegl13 · January 2015

David's Bridal has their dresses warehoused. I think my friend figured this out pretty clearly when her dress was amazingly ready in < 3 weeks. So yeah that.

chibiyui · January 2015

larrygaga said:

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.
Regarding dye lots: my David's bridal told us to all order on the same day so the dye will be the same. We are getting dresses in so staggered that it's obvious they didn't dye them together. And they look exactly the same.

Dye lots are a crap shoot, sometimes they're spot on and sometimes they're two different colors. (We had a grouping at work where the sofa came in as a grayish green color, and then a few months later the love seat came in as straight up green)

That said, major manufacturers are going to take steps to minimize color discrepancy. So, it shouldn't make a big difference.

MairePoppy · January 2015

No, that's not obnoxious. That's what the shop told you and you're just relaying the message.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

lolo883 said:

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.

You know, I hadn't thought of this as an option. I could tell them everyone has ordered and go ahead and put it in. I'm just worried about what would happen when she calls to make her shopping appointment and they say, "I thought the bridal party was finished ordering?"

larrygaga · January 2015

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.

You know, I hadn't thought of this as an option. I could tell them everyone has ordered and go ahead and put it in. I'm just worried about what would happen when she calls to make her shopping appointment and they say, "I thought the bridal party was finished ordering?"

"I added a maid last minute do you want my money or not "

JCbride2015 · January 2015

larrygaga said: lolo883 said: I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself. You know, I hadn't thought of this as an option. I could tell them everyone has ordered and go ahead and put it in. I'm just worried about what would happen when she calls to make her shopping appointment and they say, "I thought the bridal party was finished ordering?" "I added a maid last minute do you want my money or not " I'm worried they would say something like this to her though, and make her feel like she was left out of something.

MairePoppy · January 2015

larrygaga said:

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.
Regarding dye lots: my David's bridal told us to all order on the same day so the dye will be the same. We are getting dresses in so staggered that it's obvious they didn't dye them together. And they look exactly the same.

Yep, they lied. The day my daughter ordered her dress, the consultants were able to check the inventory of dresses in their warehouses.

larrygaga · January 2015

True. Well I would just not answer them they don't need to know in my opinion. I think it's dumb they make you order them all at once. Rarely are maids able to do that.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

larrygaga said:

True. Well I would just not answer them they don't need to know in my opinion. I think it's dumb they make you order them all at once. Rarely are maids able to do that.

Yeah, it is a little dumb. I think it saves them money on shipping and processing multiple orders.

And really they don't require everyone to order at the same time. The orders have been trickling in, individually. They just collect them until the last one is finished, then submit them on the back end together.

jacques27 · January 2015

A polite reminder to her is fine. It's not like you're sending her a daily calendar event to remind her and threatening to kick her out of the wedding party if she doesn't.

You said it's a popular designer - she doesn't have to order from that specific shop, correct? Just nicely state that the rest of the orders are going in by X date if she wants hers to go in the same order. You can also remind her that there are other places she can order since it's a popular designer, if that date or that shop location isn't convenient for her right now.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

lolo883 said:

I would just call the shop and lie. Tell them that the order is completed, please submit it. The old lines about dye lots aren't really true anymore; there's no good reason to order them together. Then if the one BM keeps dragging her feet, she's only hurting herself.

Yep. It's my understanding that most textiles, at least for bridal related crap but I imagine it's true of textiles in general now, are dyed via a computer much like paint is mixed via a computer at the hardware store.

loveislouder · January 2015

If that shop isn't the only location they can purchase at, then that shop has no reason to hold the orders. For all they know, the BM in question could have ordered from a different shop and forgot to tell anyone.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

loveislouder said:

If that shop isn't the only location they can purchase at, then that shop has no reason to hold the orders. For all they know, the BM in question could have ordered from a different shop and forgot to tell anyone.

Yeah, this concerned me, too. I made sure to check in with everyone (just once) to find out whether they planned to order from this shop or not. I thought more people would order online but it turns out only one woman chose to order elsewhere, and she ordered from another bridal shop near her home in PA. It also doesn't hurt that this shop I'm using is the brick and mortar store that runs Bridesmaids.com, so they're very reputable and have great prices.

lc07 · January 2015

JCbride2015 said:

) "Hey, the shop is going to hold onto everyone else's orders until the wedding party is complete, and I'm going to tell them to go ahead and submit the order next Friday. If you can get your order form into them by then we can include you on the group order, otherwise feel free to do your own thing."

Not obnoxious at all. I think it's a good plan. I would just not say the "I'm going to tell them" part because it could come off like you arbitrarily decided it's time to order. I'd say "the shop is going to place the order next Friday for BM dresses" instead.

lovegood90 · January 2015

I think your wording sounds fine!

charcoalandblush · January 2015

I think it sounds totally fine. Unless you've told her before, she may not know that they are waiting on her order for the shop to order everyone else's. I definitely wouldn't have realized that was a thing if I didn't read your post. I've always ordered mine individually when I've been a bridesmaid (usually online), so it's never been an issue.

Yep, it's a "how do I say this politely?" post.

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