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Wedding Invitations & Paper

Is our wedding formal or not?

FI and I are not fancy/formal people in general. We appreciate and enjoy a nice meal at a nice restaurant and a glass of good wine from time to time, but we also spend a lot of time at hole-in-the- wall restaurants and drink a lot of $3 wine. For many reasons, but largely convenience- we are having our wedding at a nice hotel and resort. Weddings at this venue come standard with butler-passed hors d'ouerves,  4 course meals, and wine and champagne service. I don't like the look of tuxes and my FI doesn't want to bother his groomsmen with the issue, so the men are wearing their own grey suits and (I think) the bridesmaids will being wearing mismatched dresses from the same designer. Our ceremony will be outside on a golf course.

Because our venue and catering is so expensive and because it's not the most important thing to me, we initially left the invitation budget really low. We thought that we would just have people RSVP on our website as everyone on our list (outside 2 Grandmas that will be dealt with individually) are very comfortable using the internet.  

Now I am learning that invitations are to convey the formality of the event and I am at a quandary about what to do. On the one hand FMIL wants to hire a calligrapher that she knows personally. I am okay with this because she will pay for it off-budget and because my handwriting is terrible. One the other hand, we do want to use the online RSVP system because I think it will be easier to keep track of guest and I personally as a guest prefer not having to remember to send a card back. Can we use calligraphy and an online RSVP system? If our invitations are not super formal- but a simple image file in a contemporary design that a friend designs that we print out on card stock, will it confuse guest when the butlers come by with hors d'ouerves and the 4 courses come out?   

Does anyone have any experience with this?

Re: Is our wedding formal or not?

  • I don't think it matters. I always wear a nice dress and heels to weddings regardless of how the actual invitation looks and my H always wears a suit and tie. I think time of day and the location of the wedding tell me more about how to dress than the look of the invitation does (although it can contribute). Some people will say an online RSVP tells them the event is more casual...but my feeling is just some couples do that because it's what works for them (both weddings I've been to with an online RSVP option were held by ultra techy couples). Both weddings probably fit in the "semi-formal" type, but they were well-hosted and fun. There were two other weddings I was invited to that also had an online RSVP but I didn't attend so I can't tell you what the event formality was like.



  • Passed hors d'oevres are not necessarily formal. I have seen them at casual events. So I think you're fine.
  • I would not side-eye the calligraphy and online RSVP system combined in terms of level of formality, no. However, I'm not a fan of online RSVPs for any kind of wedding simply b/c I think that no matter how casual, a wedding deserves something more formal (using the term loosely) than an online RSVP. So even if your wedding seating was haybales and your reception was a hoedown, I would dislike the online RSVP. 

    As for the rest, no, that would not confuse me. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I think the calligrapher and online RSVP are fine. I've been stressed about doing online RSVPs too, but that's really the best option for us since my Fi and I live in an apt. complex and my mailbox is tiny and I've had issues with missing mail before...

    However, I plan to provide my phone # and email on the RSVP form (online) if anyone has any issues. Our invitations I am making myself and are elegant without being too fancy. Our wedding ceremony is late afternoon (4-4x) with an evening reception and I think of it as a more semi-formal event.

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  • chloe97 said:
    FI and I are not fancy/formal people in general. We appreciate and enjoy a nice meal at a nice restaurant and a glass of good wine from time to time, but we also spend a lot of time at hole-in-the- wall restaurants and drink a lot of $3 wine. For many reasons, but largely convenience- we are having our wedding at a nice hotel and resort. Weddings at this venue come standard with  servi
    butler-passed hors d'ouerves,  4 course meals, and wine and champagne service. I don't like the look of tuxes and my FI doesn't want to bother his groomsmen with the issue, so the men are wearing their own grey suits and (I think) the bridesmaids will being wearing mismatched dresses from the same designer. Our ceremony will be outside on a golf course.

    Because our venue and catering is so expensive and because it's not the most important thing to me, we initially left the invitation budget really low. We thought that we would just have people RSVP on our website as everyone on our list (outside 2 Grandmas that will be dealt with individually) are very comfortable using the internet.  

    Now I am learning that invitations are to convey the formality of the event and I am at a quandary about what to do. On the one hand
    FMIL wants to hire a calligrapher that she knows personally. I am okay with this because she will pay for it off-budget and because my handwriting is terrible. One the other hand, we do want to use the online RSVP system because I think it will be easier to keep track of guest and I personally as a guest prefer not having to remember to send a card back. Can we use calligraphy and an online RSVP system? If our invitations are not super formal- but a simple image file in a contemporary design that a friend designs that we print out on card stock, will it confuse guest when the butlers come by with hors d'ouerves and the 4 courses come out?   

    Does anyone have any experience with this?
    Calligraphy is unnecessary, but it will save you the task to handwriting your own invitations.  If your FMIL wants to pay for it, fine!  Nothing wrong with providing an online RSVP system, but I would give a telephone number as an alternative for the few folks that aren't comfortable with that.
    It is the look of your invitations that will convey the formality of your wedding.  Formal invitations are white with engraving or raised printing.  Less formal invitations have lots of color and can be very whimsical or casual in feel.
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  • @CMGragrain -- with regards to the invitations -- that's interesting.  I wanted to do a white invitation with (I believe) raised print because it looks so beautiful and elegant.  But now, like OP, I'm wondering if that's appropriate --- we're having a wedding where the ceremony will start around 4pm with the reception going into the night.  My FI and his groomsmen will be wearing tuxes, and the reception will be held at a hotel ballroom.  I figured it's fairly formal, but I guess I'd like an opinion!  :)

  • @futuremrshp - I say do what you want! That sounds like a pretty formal event to me and the invitation sounds lovely and appopriate. Honestly, if I received an invitation for a morning/mid-afternoon wedding that was more backyard-bbq themed would be the only time I'd think it was a casual affair. I always anticipate weddings are pretty semi-formal.  

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  • Leave yourself time with your RSVP date. A friend of my was in a wedding where they did online RSVP and only 3 guests actually went online & RSVP. The bride was left having to try to contact all the other guests in a rush before the wedding.

    And from a bride that did traditional RSVP, I have to admit it was fun going to the mailbox each day. Each day I would grab the envelopes and go to the computer & enter in the responses.

  • Thanks everyone. This has all been helpful. One reason that we are likely going to do online RSVP is the post office in my city is notorious for losing mail or just not delivering it. In the last month alone, I've been missing 2 holiday cards and a wedding shower invitation. It's incredibly frustrating. 

    For those of you who have done online RSVP, do you have a web site you recommend? I was looking at Wedding Wire since we have our website on that site, but it looks like it may be complicated. 
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