Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Guest List

I need some opinions on who to invite to my shower. To start, I'm already having a hard time with the whole registering & having a shower because I hate asking for gifts. I know its tradition, and people do want to buy gifts for us, I just feel awful about it. When my bridal party told me I had to get them a number of guests I went through my list and put down the obvious people (our moms, immediate family, bridal party etc) and then I put down all of the women that I am close to. I skipped out of towners minus a few that I felt I had to extend the invite to, even though I know they wont come. My mom is now mad at me and yelling (literally!) that I need to invite every woman that lives in the state that is invited to the wedding. I feel like if I invite someone to the shower that I am not super close to/see often, it will seem like I am only inviting them for a gift. There are people that I obviously want at my wedding, but I'm not very close to and only see one or two times a year, or are a family friend that I am inviting to make my mom happy.  Another reason I am hesitating is that I already have 50 people on the guest list, and adding more will just make it more costly for my bridal party who are throwing the shower.

So, what have you guys done/plan to do? Do I just invite everyone, which is going to be a lot more people than I want/make it more costly, or keep it with just the ones I feel closest to?

Re: Bridal Shower Guest List

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014

    The one rule is that anyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding.

    Usually showers are just for your nearest and dearest, because otherwise it does tend to look gift grabby if you invite tons of people you aren't super close to, IMO.

    Who is hosting the shower? Is it your mom? If it's not, just ignore her fits and invite who you want (given they are also invited to the wedding).

    ETA: 50 people is a lot already, IMO. You have to open gifts from everyone as well, and opening gifts from 50 people can get really drawn out and boring for the others. Just something to keep in mind.

    Formerly martha1818

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    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It doesn't sound like your Mom is hosting this party so let her scream and yell and cry and then just invite who you want.

    Your guest list for your shower should be people that you are very close to and who are also invited to the wedding.  50 people is a lot so I would try to not add any more to that guest list.  I went to a shower with 50 attendees and gift opening took like 2 hours.  I was bored out of my mind!

    Also, I would be asking those who are hosting this shower how many people they can afford to host. They may not be expecting such a large list and may not be able to handle that many.

    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2014
    I'd first ask your hosts for the maximum number of people they can accommodate. Then I'd invite from your wedding guest list in circles: first your bridal party members and immediate family members, then other good friends and relatives, then others you feel close enough to that you would invite, until you reach their stated capacity. If your mom isn't hosting, she doesn't get a say, so ignore her temper tantrum.

    But I agree with PPs that 50 people is a lot of guests who have to be accommodated and whose gifts you have to open. Bear in mind that too many gifts to open could be boring for other guests to watch.
    [Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would only invite women I'm close to.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thanks so much!! I feel so much better with thinking I don't have to invite all of these extra people, and that the list is already huge. Luckily I know that at least 5 people will definitely not be attending, I just have to invite them. I figured the bridal shower would be the one thing I wouldn't have to stress over since I don't have to plan, but apparently I was wrong!
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I only had 35 guests at my wedding and I still didn't invite every woman from the wedding to my bridal shower! Some of the women were SO's of DH's friends and I feel like a bridal shower is a little more intimate than that. 
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  • My wedding itself was small (75 people) so my shower was obviously also small.  I only invited my closest friends, immediate family, aunts and first cousins.   I think they had around 15-20 at my shower, which was fine with me.  I didn't really need gifts since we have lived in our own home together for years and I've already well stocked it with anything I need/want.  I knew my mom/bridal party were having the shower so we kept it small and more of just a nice brunch with those closest to me. 
  • I can relate to this situation. My maid of honor (sister) lives 7 hours away so I asked my soon to be sister in law with help of who to invite on the groom's side. She's married and she said that she was told it's proper etiquette to invite every female family member on the groom's side if you've met them to the bridal shower. I've met a lot of them unfortunately because my mother in law passed away 3 years ago, but the maximum invited guest list is approaching 50 people. I feel like this is too many people, but my sister in law insists you don't want to offend anyone so if they choose not to come that's fine, but they should get an invite. 
  • Are your bridesmaids renting a hall?  Where are you going to put 50 people?  If I decided to host a shower for a friend, I'd have to stop the guest list at 15-20 people (and I'd hope only 12 showed up).  I don't even think I have chairs for 20 people, barely 12, but I guess I could rent folding chairs.
  • edited January 2015

    They plan on either renting a hall or renting a function room at a restaurant. They haven't shared that information with me.  The invite list is approaching 50, but I know a lot of out of staters won't come and those are just invites to know they were included. I moved 70 miles away from where I grew up, and have family & old friends back home, and new friends & in- laws  from where I live now, so I kindly requested the shower location be in a central place in between my hometown and my current town. My sister insists she wants to put something really nice together for me, and I have 6 other bridesmaids who have also okay-ed the budget and location.

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