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Jen4948 · January 2015

I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree by asking this forum's posters how to go about having a "wedding" when you're already married.

What you want is called here and elsewhere a PPD which stands for "Pretty Princess Day" in which an already married couple pretends not to be married and stages a ceremony and "reception," complete with big white dress, attendants, and all the other trappings of a wedding. It's 1) not your "wedding" since you had that when you actually got married at the first ceremony and 2) considered the height of both rudeness and vulgarity. Nobody here is going to endorse your wish to do this, let alone tell you how to do it.

You can remain polite by acknowledging your earlier ceremony as your "wedding" (which it was) and having a big party now called a "celebration" (note: it's not a "reception" because the term "reception" means receiving your guests as a married couple for the first time by way of thanking them for attending the ceremony that actually joined you as a married couple, which a "celebration" does not do). However, it is not appropriate or polite for a "celebration" to have a vow exchange, attendants, gift registries, spotlight dances, cake cuttings, or any other elements associated with a wedding. That ship sailed when you chose to get legally married, regardless of your reasons for doing so.

mlg78 · January 2015

If you wanted your dad to walk you down the aisle you should have invited him to Vegas. But sadly, you didn't. So instead you want to have a day where you lie to your friends and family and pretend to get married. That's not cool.

Prepare for a lot of negativity from this site...because you already had your wedding whether you want to admit it or not.

slothiegal · January 2015

mrsfeatherton said:

Hello!

My fiance and I secretly got married in Vegas last month because we wanted to be on the same health insurance and to make things easier for the home buying process. All of our friends and family suspect we got married there, but we haven't told anyone because we still want the ceremony aspect of our wedding day. We are trying to come up with ideas of how we can have that part of the day, but have it be carefree. I still want my dad to walk me down the aisle, and we already know that we are writing our own wedding vows to each other. We are having the ceremony and reception in one venue. Has anyone done this before or have any ideas of how to go about it? We don't need an actual officiant since we are already legally married.

Thank you for your input!

R

Sorry hon. You're married. You had your day. You made a big girl decision and now you have to live with that.

Stop lying to your loved ones and enjoy your married life. Here's some reading for you:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036614/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread#latest

slothiegal · January 2015

IN YOUR FACE, EAST COAST KNOTTIES! For once I saw something BEFORE all of you!!!

Love, your friendly drunk, west coast, DD witnessing slothie.

mlg78 · January 2015

Oh, snap.

chibiyui · January 2015

Shame she DD d o quick. This could have been a lot of fun.

But good on you for having some semblance of shame OP .

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Came for the DD.....

VulgarGirl · January 2015

So I know she DD and will never come back, but I've got to say my rant. I'll give ya'll a puppy gif at the end.

My mother and step-mother have been together for over 15 years now. 15 fucking years they have spent building a life together. And for those fucking 15 years, my mother has not been allowed to carry her partner, her wife, on her insurance. Because her work doesn't acknowledge domestic partners and until very recently our state didn't acknowledge gay people getting married. So my step-mom went without health insurance or paid out of pocket. 15 years.

But you, you little princesses, you want to get married to have health insurance and then hide the fucking fact that you're married so that you can march around in goddman dress and be belle of the fucking ball for a day? You want to belittle marriage that much? You're fucking married. You made a choice to get married for health insurance, and that choice has motherfucking consequences. Welcome to being an adult.

Throw all the fucking yay we got married parties you want. Go for it. But don't fucking belittle marriage and the benefits that come with it so you can be a goddamn princess. There are people who still don't get those benefits and privileges, who don't care about being a fucking princess for day, they just want to be fucking married already. Don't belittle marriage when there are people who are desperate for it.

Now here is a puppy:

ohannabelle · January 2015

If the OP looks at her original post, she will note that her name is mrsfeatherton. The mrs thing? Because you're married.

If you want to prance around in an elegant gown, plan a fabuloso anniversary party, or whatever.

But no to lying to people and no to staged theatrical performances of weddings.

BlueBirdMB · January 2015

MagicInk said:

So I know she DD and will never come back, but I've got to say my rant. I'll give ya'll a puppy gif at the end.

My mother and step-mother have been together for over 15 years now. 15 fucking years they have spent building a life together. And for those fucking 15 years, my mother has not been allowed to carry her partner, her wife, on her insurance. Because her work doesn't acknowledge domestic partners and until very recently our state didn't acknowledge gay people getting married. So my step-mom went without health insurance or paid out of pocket. 15 years.

But you, you little princesses, you want to get married to have health insurance and then hide the fucking fact that you're married so that you can march around in goddman dress and be belle of the fucking ball for a day? You want to belittle marriage that much? You're fucking married. You made a choice to get married for health insurance, and that choice has motherfucking consequences. Welcome to being an adult.

Throw all the fucking yay we got married parties you want. Go for it. But don't fucking belittle marriage and the benefits that come with it so you can be a goddamn princess. There are people who still don't get those benefits and privileges, who don't care about being a fucking princess for day, they just want to be fucking married already. Don't belittle marriage when there are people who are desperate for it.

Now here is a puppy:

This was the best fucking thing I have ever read. And I never drop the f bomb, but I needed to for that.

wrigleyville · January 2015

MagicInk said:

So I know she DD and will never come back, but I've got to say my rant. I'll give ya'll a puppy gif at the end.

My mother and step-mother have been together for over 15 years now. 15 fucking years they have spent building a life together. And for those fucking 15 years, my mother has not been allowed to carry her partner, her wife, on her insurance. Because her work doesn't acknowledge domestic partners and until very recently our state didn't acknowledge gay people getting married. So my step-mom went without health insurance or paid out of pocket. 15 years.

But you, you little princesses, you want to get married to have health insurance and then hide the fucking fact that you're married so that you can march around in goddman dress and be belle of the fucking ball for a day? You want to belittle marriage that much? You're fucking married. You made a choice to get married for health insurance, and that choice has motherfucking consequences. Welcome to being an adult.

Throw all the fucking yay we got married parties you want. Go for it. But don't fucking belittle marriage and the benefits that come with it so you can be a goddamn princess. There are people who still don't get those benefits and privileges, who don't care about being a fucking princess for day, they just want to be fucking married already. Don't belittle marriage when there are people who are desperate for it.

Now here is a puppy:

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Um so I fucked up. My mom and step mom have been together 11 years. Dad and step mom have been together 15 years. In my defense I have four parents and it gets hard. My point still stands.

AddieCake · January 2015

OP, I hope MagicInk's story gives you (and anyone else who comes along thinking of doing this) some perspective.

QueerFemme · January 2015

MagicInk said:

So I know she DD and will never come back, but I've got to say my rant. I'll give ya'll a puppy gif at the end.

My mother and step-mother have been together for over 15 years now. 15 fucking years they have spent building a life together. And for those fucking 15 years, my mother has not been allowed to carry her partner, her wife, on her insurance. Because her work doesn't acknowledge domestic partners and until very recently our state didn't acknowledge gay people getting married. So my step-mom went without health insurance or paid out of pocket. 15 years.

But you, you little princesses, you want to get married to have health insurance and then hide the fucking fact that you're married so that you can march around in goddman dress and be belle of the fucking ball for a day? You want to belittle marriage that much? You're fucking married. You made a choice to get married for health insurance, and that choice has motherfucking consequences. Welcome to being an adult.

Throw all the fucking yay we got married parties you want. Go for it. But don't fucking belittle marriage and the benefits that come with it so you can be a goddamn princess. There are people who still don't get those benefits and privileges, who don't care about being a fucking princess for day, they just want to be fucking married already. Don't belittle marriage when there are people who are desperate for it.

Now here is a puppy:

I love that you are here. I am not on TK as much anymore, and I really appreciate that you take this stuff on ! I used to be the only one!

kaos16 · January 2015

@Magicink, have your mom and stepmom gotten legally married now that they can in your state? I'm just wondering out of pure curiosity.

VulgarGirl · January 2015

kaos16 said:

@Magicink, have your mom and stepmom gotten legally married now that they can in your state? I'm just wondering out of pure curiosity.

They were legally married in California last summer....not long after DOMA and prop 8 were taken care of. So now our state recognizes their legal marriage, so they don't have to get remarried (same with Wifey's dads, they were legalized in DC, now it's just recognized in our state). They are planning a tiny party on their anniversary to celebrate it's legal in our state now, I believe it'll basically be us, them, and maybe their super close friends for dinner and then cake.

CMGragain · January 2015

@mrsfeathertonn, if you are still checking - you should send out formal marriage announcements immediately to all your friends and family.

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

announce their marriage

Date

Las Vegas, Nevada

That's it. No details. Now that every one knows you are married, you can have a great party to celebrate your marriage, but NO wedding gown, NO Dad walking you down the aisle, NO ceremony of any kind! You can have open bar, dinner, dancing, toasts "To the newlyweds", but you will not be a bride. You are a married woman, and there is no going back.

CMGragain · January 2015