Invitation Woes

LoveBug2015 · January 2015

We are having a small wedding (only 60 guests), so the guest list is limited. My fiance has removed some of his family yo keep the list under control. There are some of my family members that I do not want as the wedding, because I do not get along with them and never have. I do not want to invite my grandmother, aunt, or cousins on my father's side of the family. My father is VERY mad, because they are not on the guest list. I know that if they do not get invited that there will be family drama. However, I will not be happy if they are at the wedding. What to do? Ideas? Advice?

AddieCake · January 2015

Who is paying for the wedding?

mlg78 · January 2015

Unless your dad is financially contributing to the wedding, he doesn't get a say. If he is, you need to invite them.

mikenberger · January 2015

Ditto the PPs. He who pays, gets a say.

LoveBug2015 · January 2015

My fiance and I are paying for the wedding. My parents have only helped with my deposit for the reception site.

MairePoppy · January 2015

Since you and your fi are paying for your wedding, you have control over the guest list. Don't accept anymore financial help from your parents.

Knottie79829663 · January 2015

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

LondonLisa · January 2015

Knottie79829663 said:

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

Sorry, no, the wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom. The reception is for the guests. If you want the day to just be about the bride and groom, elope and don't invite any guests. As soon as you start saying "It's my day!" is the moment you turn into a bridezilla.

That being said, unless your father has contributed to the wedding, the guest list is 100% your choice. Is your father contributing at all?

Maggie0829 · January 2015

LoveBug2015 said:

My fiance and I are paying for the wedding. My parents have only helped with my deposit for the reception site.

I would not accept any more money from your parents and I would pay your parents back for the deposit. This way you and your H have complete control over all aspects of your wedding.

Unfortunately paying the deposit is contributing to your wedding so your Dad does have some say in the guest list. So if you really don't want to invite certain individuals, pay your parents back.

Jen4948 · January 2015

Give your father back the money for the deposit and don't accept any more money from your parents. That way you can have full control over your wedding guest list (and all other aspects of your wedding).

Knottie79829663 · January 2015

LondonLisa said:

Knottie79829663 said:

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

Sorry, no, the wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom. The reception is for the guests. If you want the day to just be about the bride and groom, elope and don't invite any guests. As soon as you start saying "It's my day!" is the moment you turn into a bridezilla.

That being said, unless your father has contributed to the wedding, the guest list is 100% your choice. Is your father contributing at all?

I'm sorry but what wedding ceremony isn't about the bride and groom? I'm not a bridezilla because I believe that a wedding is about the two people getting married. If I don't want someone at my wedding or reception then they won't be invited. It really is that simple!

MairePoppy · January 2015

Your wedding ceremony is about you and your groom. Your wedding reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. It's your first opportunity to show hospitality as a married couple.

Aside from that, if Lovebug2015 is paying for her own wedding, she gets to choose the guests. If her parents, or anyone else is paying, they have a say in the guest list.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Knottie79829663 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie79829663 said:

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

Sorry, no, the wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom. The reception is for the guests. If you want the day to just be about the bride and groom, elope and don't invite any guests. As soon as you start saying "It's my day!" is the moment you turn into a bridezilla.

That being said, unless your father has contributed to the wedding, the guest list is 100% your choice. Is your father contributing at all?

I'm sorry but what wedding ceremony isn't about the bride and groom? I'm not a bridezilla because I believe that a wedding is about the two people getting married. If I don't want someone at my wedding or reception then they won't be invited. It really is that simple!

That's what she said. You had reading comprehension errors. The wedding CEREMONY is about the bride and groom. The RECEPTION is for the guests. Etiquette is about taking care of your guests. If you don't want to take care of your guests, don't invite guests. As soon as you invite other people, it stops being ONLY about you.

LondonLisa · January 2015

Knottie79829663 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie79829663 said:

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

Sorry, no, the wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom. The reception is for the guests. If you want the day to just be about the bride and groom, elope and don't invite any guests. As soon as you start saying "It's my day!" is the moment you turn into a bridezilla.

That being said, unless your father has contributed to the wedding, the guest list is 100% your choice. Is your father contributing at all?

I'm sorry but what wedding ceremony isn't about the bride and groom? I'm not a bridezilla because I believe that a wedding is about the two people getting married. If I don't want someone at my wedding or reception then they won't be invited. It really is that simple!

You misread what I said: the wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom- as I stated above. The reception is about your guests.

If you don't want someone at your wedding, you need to pay 100% of it for yourself. As soon as someone gives money, they do have a say in the guest list.

Although there is the caveat that all SO's must be invited, even if you don't like them/ have never met them.

OP- you need to pay your father back for the deposit or figure out a way to include his guests.

ohannabelle · January 2015

Knottie79829663 said:

If you don't want to invite them don't. Remember your wedding day is about you and your groom. Be happy on that day!

Nope. Terrible advice. Except for the be happy part.

The actual marriage is exclusively about the bride and groom.

The moment guests are invited, it ceases being all about you.

The day does not belong to you. It also belongs to the 7 billion plus other people in the world. If you have invited any of them to a ceremony or party, you're a host, they're your guests, and you're obligated to consider their comfort and convenience and feelings to the best of your ability.

Unless you're eloping. Then it's all about you, and other people are not involved.

To the OP- unfortunately, if you accept your father's money, you involve him. If I'm helping to fund a party, I'm within my rights to make guest list requests.

If you have genuine serious issues with family members, and have cut off social contact with them, you need to return your father's money and host independently.

Paying for the reception venue is typically a pretty major contribution.

LoveBug2015 · January 2015

He only contributed $500 for the deposit. He is not paying for the whole reception. I thank Knottie79829663 for the advice. I totally agree! Thank you all for the advice, but I am not adding them to my list. Thanks!

Viczaesar · January 2015

LoveBug2015 said:

He only contributed $500 for the deposit. He is not paying for the whole reception. I thank Knottie79829663 for the advice. I totally agree! Thank you all for the advice, but I am not adding them to my list. Thanks!

Typical. You're only paying attention to the one person who posted terrible, self-centered and selfish advice.

LoveBug2015 · January 2015

I'm sorry you feel that it is self centered. In reality, my father is being self centered by getting angry that I do not want those people at my wedding. I do not want to spend my day with people that have never been part of my life and have been mean to me, my mother, and brother. I do not think that means I am having bad etiquette or self centered. So, again, thanks for the "advice."

JCbride2015 · January 2015

Nobody told you you had to invite them. They told you that if your dad is contributing financially to the wedding, your dad gets at least some say in the invitation list. Will $500 really break your wedding budget?

LoveBug2015 said:

I'm sorry you feel that it is self centered. In reality, my father is being self centered by getting angry that I do not want those people at my wedding. I do not want to spend my day with people that have never been part of my life and have been mean to me, my mother, and brother. I do not think that means I am having bad etiquette or self centered. So, again, thanks for the "advice."

Viczaesar · January 2015

LoveBug2015 said:

I'm sorry you feel that it is self centered. In reality, my father is being self centered by getting angry that I do not want those people at my wedding. I do not want to spend my day with people that have never been part of my life and have been mean to me, my mother, and brother. I do not think that means I am having bad etiquette or self centered. So, again, thanks for the "advice."

Then you need to give him his $500 back. If you take money from others, they get a say in what you do with that money. If you don't want to give him a say, don't use his money. It's really very simple. Saying "It's my wedding, I'll do what I want" does not actually solve any of your issues.

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