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Age Limit Issues! Help!

futuremrsfralenfuturemrsfralen member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I want to put an age limit on our wedding- 10 years up and allowed! We really do not want little kids running around; there will be drinking and potential music that is too mature for young kids. I have a 2nd cousin who is married with three children: 14, 8 & 4. I am not close with these cousins (My mom was  close to the one growing up). Due to this, I have only met the oldest child and I have not spoken to these cousins in probably close to 10 years. I know you are not supposed to "split" families, but we really do not want to have any young children at the wedding reception. Is there anyway around inviting the two younger kids?? If we invite these younger cousins, then are we obligated to invite another 2nd cousins two children who are 6 & 3 (and the scenario is the same- never met the kiddos & haven't seen these cousins in 10 years) ?? We had thought about making the wedding "Adults Only" but then that knocks out my fiance's close cousins that are younger than 18, which would in turn mean many of his aunts & uncles who not come, Any insight would be appreciated! 
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Re: Age Limit Issues! Help!

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    futuremrsfralen said:
    My fiance and I want to put an age limit on our wedding- 10 years up and allowed! We really do not want little kids running around; there will be drinking and potential music that is too mature for young kids. I have a 2nd cousin who is married with three children: 14, 8 & 4. I am not close with these cousins (My mom was  close to the one growing up). Due to this, I have only met the oldest child and I have not spoken to these cousins in probably close to 10 years. I know you are not supposed to "split" families, but we really do not want to have any young children at the wedding reception. Is there anyway around inviting the two younger kids?? If we invite these younger cousins, then are we obligated to invite another 2nd cousins two children who are 6 & 3 (and the scenario is the same- never met the kiddos & haven't seen these cousins in 10 years) ?? We had thought about making the wedding "Adults Only" but then that knocks out my fiance's close cousins that are younger than 18, which would in turn mean many of his aunts & uncles who not come, Any insight would be appreciated! 
    You can't split up a family, so it's all or nothing with your second cousin's family. I suggest you put only the adults names on the invitations and not invite the children. If your FI wants to invite his cousins, he invites them. You don't have to make excuses as to whom you invite and whom you choose not to, as long as you stay within the non-splitting etiquette. 

    Why are these people even on your guest list when you haven't seen them in ten years? 
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    futuremrsfralen said:
    My fiance and I want to put an age limit on our wedding- 10 years up and allowed! We really do not want little kids running around; there will be drinking and potential music that is too mature for young kids. I have a 2nd cousin who is married with three children: 14, 8 & 4. I am not close with these cousins (My mom was  close to the one growing up). Due to this, I have only met the oldest child and I have not spoken to these cousins in probably close to 10 years. I know you are not supposed to "split" families, but we really do not want to have any young children at the wedding reception. Is there anyway around inviting the two younger kids?? If we invite these younger cousins, then are we obligated to invite another 2nd cousins two children who are 6 & 3 (and the scenario is the same- never met the kiddos & haven't seen these cousins in 10 years) ?? We had thought about making the wedding "Adults Only" but then that knocks out my fiance's close cousins that are younger than 18, which would in turn mean many of his aunts & uncles who not come, Any insight would be appreciated! 

    Well you're not obligated to invite anybody and it's perfectly acceptable to only invite the parents so with the 2nd cousin, assuming the 6 & 3 year old are their only kids, you can just invite the parents and not the kids and solve that issue.

    But, yes, it is rude to split families and only invite some of the children if they all live in the same household. If you want to not invite the younger ones the only real way to do that is not invite the 14 year old and just invite the parents.

    But as others have asked, why are you inviting them at all if you aren't that close and haven't seen them in a decade? Just don't invite them and your problem is solved.

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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Sounds like you either don't invite the 2nd cousins at all, or don't invite the 2nd cousins kids.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    futuremrsfralen said:
    My fiance and I want to put an age limit on our wedding- 10 years up and allowed! We really do not want little kids running around; there will be drinking and potential music that is too mature for young kids. I have a 2nd cousin who is married with three children: 14, 8 & 4. I am not close with these cousins (My mom was  close to the one growing up). Due to this, I have only met the oldest child and I have not spoken to these cousins in probably close to 10 years. I know you are not supposed to "split" families, but we really do not want to have any young children at the wedding reception. Is there anyway around inviting the two younger kids?? If we invite these younger cousins, then are we obligated to invite another 2nd cousins two children who are 6 & 3 (and the scenario is the same- never met the kiddos & haven't seen these cousins in 10 years) ?? We had thought about making the wedding "Adults Only" but then that knocks out my fiance's close cousins that are younger than 18, which would in turn mean many of his aunts & uncles who not come, Any insight would be appreciated! 
    PP have covered it- under 18s are all or nothing when it comes to siblings. Why are you inviting these people if you haven't spoken to them in a decade? 

    The exclamation point here reads like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpsmW-s4Z1A


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You really already know the answer to your question. You can't split up a family. Invite the parents without the kids. Or don't invite the parents. It doesn't sound like you're very close to them. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Why even invite the second cousins, let alone their kids?   If you feel obligated to invite them then just invite the parents.   Problem solved.

    I think people over think this too much.  Sure there are some people who get butt hurt over their little Johnny no invited, but at least in my world people understand that lines need to be drawn.  I think the kids of 2nd cousins who you haven't seen in 10 years  seems like a reasonable line.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Don't put an arbitrary age cutoff on your invite list. Simply invite the people you want there, and don't invite the people you don't want there. Of course, following the rule of having to invite all kids or none within a given family, and always inviting significant others. 

    It's ridiculous to say "Everyone over the age of 10, who is a member of a family who's parents we choose to invite" can come. It's not at all ridiculous to say "I'm inviting this family with their 3 kids, and not inviting this other family with their 2 kids", regardless of the ages. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons for wanting certain people at your wedding and not others (regardless of whether they're kids or adults). You don't have to enumerate them all, or create rules to capture the people you don't want to invite. Just don't invite them. If you don't want to invite a "friend" you just don't invite him/her, you don't say "Oh, sorry, we're not inviting anyone we haven't known for over 5 years" or "We're not inviting people we've never vacationed with", or "Sorry, we're not inviting women with brown hair who are over 5'10"". Same thing with kids. Just don't invite them. 

    In order to keep the family peace, it's also easier to do it in circles--don't invite one cousin's kids, but not other cousin's kids, within the same family side. 
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  • adettma32adettma32 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MandyMost said:
    Don't put an arbitrary age cutoff on your invite list. Simply invite the people you want there, and don't invite the people you don't want there. Of course, following the rule of having to invite all kids or none within a given family, and always inviting significant others. 

    It's ridiculous to say "Everyone over the age of 10, who is a member of a family who's parents we choose to invite" can come. It's not at all ridiculous to say "I'm inviting this family with their 3 kids, and not inviting this other family with their 2 kids", regardless of the ages. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons for wanting certain people at your wedding and not others (regardless of whether they're kids or adults). You don't have to enumerate them all, or create rules to capture the people you don't want to invite. Just don't invite them. If you don't want to invite a "friend" you just don't invite him/her, you don't say "Oh, sorry, we're not inviting anyone we haven't known for over 5 years" or "We're not inviting people we've never vacationed with", or "Sorry, we're not inviting women with brown hair who are over 5'10"". Same thing with kids. Just don't invite them. 

    In order to keep the family peace, it's also easier to do it in circles--don't invite one cousin's kids, but not other cousin's kids, within the same family side. 
    This!!
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  • futuremrsfralenfuturemrsfralen member
    First Comment
    lyndausvi said:
    Why even invite the second cousins, let alone their kids?   If you feel obligated to invite them then just invite the parents.   Problem solved.

    I think people over think this too much.  Sure there are some people who get butt hurt over their little Johnny no invited, but at least in my world people understand that lines need to be drawn.  I think the kids of 2nd cousins who you haven't seen in 10 years  seems like a reasonable line.  



    Thanks for everyone's input! Unfortunately, not inviting the 2nd cousins is not an option but I think we might go with the parent's only for invites. 

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Chiming in with another vote to stop with the nonsense reasons for not inviting kids. Alcohol and inappropriate music are silly reasons. They rank right up there with "we want the parents to have a night away." I'm neither pro nor anti kids at weddings, but at least stop with these excuses.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    artbyallie said:
    futuremrsfralen said:
    lyndausvi said:
    Why even invite the second cousins, let alone their kids?   If you feel obligated to invite them then just invite the parents.   Problem solved.

    I think people over think this too much.  Sure there are some people who get butt hurt over their little Johnny no invited, but at least in my world people understand that lines need to be drawn.  I think the kids of 2nd cousins who you haven't seen in 10 years  seems like a reasonable line.  



    Thanks for everyone's input! Unfortunately, not inviting the 2nd cousins is not an option but I think we might go with the parent's only for invites. 

    Of course it's an option. No one is holding a gun to your head to make you invite them. Provided you and your groom are the ones paying, you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to.
    The ONLY things that are not an option are an unmarried couple, an officiant, and in some states a witness. EVERYTHING else is an option. Honestly you'll save yourself a ton of stress and have a much better and more fun wedding if you view it this way. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2015
    Just because you invite one child doesn't mean you have to invite every child!

    Sorry for the big text, but we answer this every fucking week. Invite who you want to invite. If your FI wants to invite his cousins that happen to be under 18, that doesn't' mean you have to invite your cousin's or second cousin's children or any other child. It's not that hard.
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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Don't try to split up families by making an arbitrary age limit. It's your prerogative to pick and choose who you want at your wedding, but any time you try to split up a family, it's bound to create hard feelings for all those poor 9-year-olds who have to stay home while their 12 year old sibling gets to go...

    I've never been to a wedding that was inappropriate for any age group. That said, some people just don't want kids at their weddings and that's okay!  Just don't give guests bogus reasons for it. (OH GOD, a 9 year old might see their mom drinking a glass of wine HORROR)
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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