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I want to cry right now (semi-vent)

My dad has a mental illness, and as a result, our relationship has been strained in the past, although it's starting to get better. Another result of his illness is that he isn't really able to travel or attend family gatherings. Going through airport security would be overwhelming for him, but he's afraid to drive long distances and doesn't have a decent car. I knew all this when we decided to have the wedding here in Atlanta, about 10 hours away from my hometown. I had accepted that my dad probably wouldn't make it regardless of where we held the wedding, and I don't feel sorry for myself not having him there. But I feel really bad for him missing it. Due to his illness (as well as some deliberate choices) he spends every holiday and special occasion alone, which breaks my heart. He keeps talking about wanting to come for the wedding, and I hoped that maybe I could work something out for him to travel with my favorite uncle (the only other person my dad is close with) but deep down I've known that it isn't going to happen.

So tonight I mentioned to FI that my uncle and aunt booked their plane tickets for the wedding. Then FI asked about my dad, and I connected the dots that this meant no way my dad would be able to come. I told FI everything above, and he offered to fly to Missouri, rent a car, and drive my dad back to Atlanta two days before the wedding. It was so sweet I wanted to cry. But even if he did that...I don't know if my dad would agree. He has this irrational fear of being out on the highway (part of his illness) and there's no way to talk to him logically about it. Besides, that still leaves the issue of getting him home, and we both have to go back to work right after the wedding, so driving him isn't feasible. I called Southwest to ask about their Non-Passenger Escort deal and it sounds like I may be able to take him to the airport and walk him through security and up to the gate, if he's willing. I don't know if he will be, though. I'm calling my uncle tomorrow to ask his thoughts and I'm sure he'll give me a reality check.

I know my dad wants to come but he just can't, and I know he will feel terrible being home alone while the rest of the family is at the wedding. And FI is ready to do whatever it takes to get him there, but I have to tell him it just won't work. This all just sucks so much. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Re: I want to cry right now (semi-vent)

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    I'm so sorry.
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    Your FI is awesome for offering to help out.  I hope you can work something out.  

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    That is such a hard situation to be in! I really hope you can figure something out for your dad *hugs* Your FI is so sweet for offering to help.


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    I am sorry. Internet hugs for you.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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    Blabla, I am so, so sorry. Sending virtual hugs to you. 

    It's really great that you and your fiance are so invested in making this happen for your dad. I hope you still have options at your disposal, and that your dad might be willing to hear out another scenario or two or four. 

    If you know for certain that it absolutely cannot work out, then I am truly very sorry. :(  But it also doesn't have to exactly be the end. Is it possible to live-stream your wedding? Can you have someone send a live skype video? Would it be possible to make a small recording via camera phone/ whatever and send it with your well wishes and others well wishes from the reception or just after? If I was attending and knew of your situation, I would be happy to send him photo and text updates as the day progressed at the very least (ex: "Everyone is crying at how gorgeous Blabla looks as she comes down the aisle. She's grinning ear to ear and I've never seen her happier!!"). Perhaps you know your uncle or someone else would want to help you in that way? I know it's not ideal, but I hope working something out like that might help your father enjoy your day as it is happening and feel like he holds a special place in it. 

    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

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    I'm so sorry blabla :( Your fi sounds like a saint for making that offer. Lots of hugs for you!




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    I'm so sorry blabla :( Your fi sounds like a saint for making that offer. Lots of hugs for you!
    He really is. I don't even know if I could stand 10 hours in the car with my dad but FI is great with him.

    Because of my dad's illness he is completely out of touch with reality (or rather he lives in reality circa 1993, when he stopped taking meds) so he doesn't have a computer or a phone with video chat or text messaging. He refuses to use a shared computer because "the government is watching." But @levieenrose got me thinking that at least I could probably get my brother to take a home video and mail him a DVD, so that makes me feel better about it.

    Thanks for all the hugs. You guys are seriously the best.
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    I'm sorry! *hugs* Your FI is a great person for offering to do that. 

    My FIL couldn't attend our wedding. His diabetes has gotten so bad, that him traveling up from FL was just not an option.  I know that my H was really upset, because his father refuses to take care of himself. If he ate better and took care of himself, he wouldn't have such problems walking and standing. It's so frustrating for all of us. 
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    I'm so sorry. My FIL couldn't go to our wedding. He had some health issues that just wouldn't allow him to travel at the time. I hope it works out that your dad can be there. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    *hugs* Im so sorry. I really hope you can work that out or find a way to share the moment with him. Your Fi sounds like he loves you to the moon and back and wants you to have everything you want on your wedding day. 


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    I hope it all works out for you. I'm sorry about this and I'm sending you all the internet hugs <3
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    I'm so sorry. Hopefully you can get it worked out where he can come or at the very least see it after the fact.

    I really am just so sorry. *hugs*
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

    Does he have a doctor that he works with? I know he's not taking his meds but is there someone he works with our helps with? I know this is very different but my grampa has Alzheimers (not too advanced) and my mom worked with Jewish Family Services to help him find someone to accompany him to town for my wedding. Perhaps his doc has a connection he can make? My mom paid her travel costs and a small daily fee but she was amazing! She helped with his anxiety about flying, helped him with the logistics of everything, and even got him on the dance floor.

    It could be a long shot but it might be worth a try.
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    I just have all the ((((hugs)))) for you.  Sounds like at least sending him a DVD would be a nice gesture.

    Your Fi sounds amazing.  You should marry that guy!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    Just want to offer big hugs for you! That is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful of your FI. I'm sorry you're in this position. 

    I also like the idea of having the DVD for you dad to watch after your wedding. I was going to mention possibly skyping/steaming the ceremony for him but, then I saw your comment about him not using a computer. I really hope you can find a solution. 
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    I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly tough to deal with for both of you. I was also going to recommend the DVD idea or similar as well, as well as maybe a quick phone call the morning of if you think he would like to hear from you.

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    I am so sorry. What a difficult thing--your dad is lucky to have a daughter who cares about him as much as you do.

    Sending hugs. Mental illness blows.

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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    I am so sorry to hear this. I hope there is some way for your dad to attend. I think the DVD idea is great, at least he will be able to see your special day. I'm sending you internet hugs, bla bla.
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    *Hugs*


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