Inviting bosses and coworkers?

Re: Inviting bosses and coworkers?

• plainjane0415 member

  

  January 2015

  It's  not required to invite everyone you work with.  If you haven't been with the company very long, and haven't formed many relationships, then I definitely think it's ok that you leave out your coworkers.

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2015

  I only invited the people I was friends with outside of work. I had just started a new job when I was planning, so that was no one from my current job and a handful of people from my previous job. 

  
  

  I found it was easier politics wise to not invite anyone from my current job.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• annathy03 member

  

  January 2015

  My guideline was if I'd invited them to our house more than once*.  If we were close enough that we hang out at each others places, they were invited.  If we just work together, nope.

  
  

  On the flip side, H works in a very small office so we invited all of his coworkers and the owner because inviting a handful of them and not the remaining few would have been awkward.
  

  
  

  
  

  *more than once because we hosted a large super bowl party our first year in our house with plenty of guests we were just acquaintances with.

  Report0 Reply
• charcoalandblush member

  

  January 2015

  I'm only inviting one coworker. He is the only person at my work that I was friends with before I started working there. To me, that seemed like a fair place to draw the line.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• mlg78 member

  

  January 2015

  I work in an agency of about 15, ten of which are women...so I just invited the women and their significant others.  It was an easy line to draw for me. 

  Report0 Reply
• levioosa member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  FYI, what you are considering is called B-listing, and is actually rude.  Although you may have declines with "spots opening up,"  you should not invite others in their place.  It is very easy to see if you have been B-listed, and it tells the guests that they weren't important enough to be "first tier invites."  If invitations have already gone out, you cannot send out more as you get declines in. 
  
  EF: words
  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  Report1 Reply
• SP29 member

  

  January 2015

  B-listing aside...

  
  

  My personal view on inviting coworkers is to forget about them being coworkers and think of them as friends (or not). Only invite them if they are people whom you would consider a friend. If you are inviting them because you truly, personally like them, great, but if you are inviting them only because you work with them and feel that you should- then I say no, don't. 

  Report0 Reply
• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  Leahst73 said:

  Hello all! How did you decide if you would invite those who you work with to your wedding? We are having a fairly large wedding, and have a few early declines so we have a few extra spots without going over our budget. So should I invite my coworkers? Is it a courtesy or will it look like we are trying to get gifts? Fiancé is inviting about 15 coworkers because he works in the same company as his dad and has a lot of outside work relationships. I'm new to my company so I don't have the long personal connection but I do love my job and hope to be there a long time. My bosses have asked about our wedding my fiancé etc. I'm sure they don't assume they are invited. Would it be polite to invite them and their spouses? Or would it look tacky? Please advise! If you are someone's boss would you be honord or think it's weird?

  What do you mean when you say "early declines"?  Do you mean that people have casually mentioned to you that they can't make it?  Like, they got your STDate and already have plans?  Or you mentioned to them that your wedding is over Labor Day weekend and they told you they always go to the Cape over Labor Day weekend?  Because you need to invite everyone who got a STDate and everyone you verbally invited regardless of whether or not they can make it.  What if their plans change?

  
  

  And don't overbook your venue.  Assume 100% acceptance or you'll be back here freaking out that you have 150 people showing up to a wedding in a venue that can only hold 120 people.  "But I was told to expect 50% declines over a holiday weekend!!!  Waaah!"

  
  

  And like previous posters said, don't B-list.  If you're saving money because you have some declines, awesome!  Either save that money for your honeymoon, or do something for the wedding like upgraded appetizers or a late-night snack.

  Report0 Reply
• levioosa member

  

  January 2015

  adk19 said:

  Leahst73 said:

  Hello all! How did you decide if you would invite those who you work with to your wedding? We are having a fairly large wedding, and have a few early declines so we have a few extra spots without going over our budget. So should I invite my coworkers? Is it a courtesy or will it look like we are trying to get gifts? Fiancé is inviting about 15 coworkers because he works in the same company as his dad and has a lot of outside work relationships. I'm new to my company so I don't have the long personal connection but I do love my job and hope to be there a long time. My bosses have asked about our wedding my fiancé etc. I'm sure they don't assume they are invited. Would it be polite to invite them and their spouses? Or would it look tacky? Please advise! If you are someone's boss would you be honord or think it's weird?

  What do you mean when you say "early declines"?  Do you mean that people have casually mentioned to you that they can't make it?  Like, they got your STDate and already have plans?  Or you mentioned to them that your wedding is over Labor Day weekend and they told you they always go to the Cape over Labor Day weekend?  Because you need to invite everyone who got a STDate and everyone you verbally invited regardless of whether or not they can make it.  What if their plans change?

  
  

  And don't overbook your venue.  Assume 100% acceptance or you'll be back here freaking out that you have 150 people showing up to a wedding in a venue that can only hold 120 people.  "But I was told to expect 50% declines over a holiday weekend!!!  Waaah!"

  
  

  And like previous posters said, don't B-list.  If you're saving money because you have some declines, awesome!  Either save that money for your honeymoon, or do something for the wedding like upgraded appetizers or a late-night snack.

  To build on this: if you have sent STDs and people have told you that they won't be able to attend, you still need to send them an invitation.  Plans can change and by the time invites go out (if they haven't gone out already and you aren't in fact B-listing) they might be able to attend. 
  

  
  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• tcnoble member

  

  January 2015

  Ditto PPs.

  
  

  Are these coworkers just that - coworkers? Do you socialize outside of work and consider them friends? I'm a teacher and have a great relationship with some of the women I work with. But we don't talk, text, hang out outside the school day. With that in mind I only invited three of the teachers out of our staff of 75 - the ones I hang out with in a social atmosphere, and one I went to college and graduated with. 

  
  

  And if you do decide to invite some coworkers? Don't make your wedding invites the talk of the workplace. Invites shouldn't be hand delivered.

  
  

  The whole b-listing this is another issue in itself, and as others have said, shouldn't be done at all.

  

  Report0 Reply
• marie2785 member

  

  January 2015

  I think the rule is to be fair. I am only inviting the 3 people I actively socialize with which are in separate "chain of commands". My work is fairly specific on rules about socializing outside of the workplace (aka, dont do it with anyone above or below you in the chain of command), so I'm fairly limited on who I can even socialize with outside of work. Like other posters, I decided based on if I've invited them to my house to hang out more than once. 

  
  

  My FI is inviting his boss, who is MCing our wedding, and a bunch of coworkers and even his staff members. So...it depends on where you work. His work is much more friendly about socializing. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• JellyBean52513 member

  

  January 2015

  Just make sure anyone you invite from work gets their invitation sent directly to their home, and if you are inviting some but not all, try to keep workplace talk about the wedding to a minimum. It would make for hurt feelings to chat about the wedding with Invited Coworker while Not Invited Coworker sits by quietly, wondering why you don't like them as much.

  
  

  Also be careful when discussing your wedding plans at work. You've mentioned B-listing already, which is rude. If you're planning to do anything else that is against etiquette, some people will probably form a negative opinion about you and that can make the workplace very awkward. Trust me on this one.

  Report1 Reply