Addressing a STD/invite

behsco90 · January 2015

So I have a somewhat technical question... I am addressing a STD to to my cousin and her husband and they both have formal titles that I know I need to use. I'm sure it doesn't matter so much for the STD since they are less formal but this is more for the invite in the future.

The problem is the formal titles are so long that if I wrote as small as possible to make their names fit on one line that it would not be legible. So my question is, is it okay to put his name/formal title on the first line, and "and" on the second line, and her name/formal title on the 3rd line?

NYCMercedes · January 2015

Ladies first. Husband and wife should be on the same line. Could you give us an example of the titles so we can help you a little better for the invitation. If you're close to the cousin couple, yes, your STD could be Jane and Jim Doe.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

@CMGragain‌

Teddy917 · January 2015

You could probably abbreviate their titles. I'm not sure if it's etiquette approved though

LtPowers · January 2015

I'm having trouble figuring out what titles would be so long as to require two lines, but regardless, it's okay to print them on separate lines, with "and" going at the beginning of the second line.

("and" can get its own line on an invitation, but on a mailing envelope, it's unnecessary and takes up more room than the post office would like.)

It would be helpful to have concrete (even if fictitious) examples so we can give you exact wording.

Powers &8^]

charcoalandblush · January 2015

Not the OP, but I can give an example - We'll have a couple invited to our wedding that will be a judge and his wife, so:

Mrs. Jane Smith and the Honorable John Smith

(except their last name is twice as many characters, so it'll be a long one). I haven't decided what we're doing yet, probably just squeezing it in as best I can on one line.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

@charcoalandblush - actually your invite for that couple should be addressed...

The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith

charcoalandblush · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

@charcoalandblush - actually your invite for that couple should be addressed...

The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith

I thought the above posters just said that the woman's name always goes first? This is so confusing to me.

MandyMost · January 2015

I was under the impression that while married couple's should go on the same line if they can fit, it's fine if they need to be on two lines if they can't fit on a single line. If a couple is not married it's ALWAYS on two lines, and there's never an "and" between the names. So, it's more the "and" that identifies them as marriage than anything else. For example, as a married couple:

Doctor Jane Jones and

The Honorable John Smith

As an unmarried couple:

Doctor Jane Jones

The Honorable John Smith

redoryx · January 2015

charcoalandblush said:

Maggie0829 said:

@charcoalandblush - actually your invite for that couple should be addressed...

The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith

I thought the above posters just said that the woman's name always goes first? This is so confusing to me.

I believe it depends on the last names. If they share the same last name, it's the above, like Mr. and Mrs or Doctor and Mrs (or, in some cases, Mr. and Doctor).

If they have different last names she goes first.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

charcoalandblush said:

Maggie0829 said:

@charcoalandblush - actually your invite for that couple should be addressed...

The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith

I thought the above posters just said that the woman's name always goes first? This is so confusing to me.

If the woman was the judge then yes her name would go first. But since the man is the judge then you would use the way I posted above.

Also it depends on if the two people are married or not and if they share the last name or not.

This link gives great examples for pretty much every possible addressing question you can think of...http://blog.crane.com/2012/02/03/wedding-etiquette-how-to-address-your-envelopes/

behsco90 · January 2015

Thanks for the help ladies. I've PMed a couple of you, but still trying to figure out the best option etiquette wise.

charcoalandblush · January 2015

Maggie0829! That link is super helpful.

Sorry to threadjack, but somewhat-OT addressing question. I've seen "don't separate a man from his last name" posted a zillion times on this board. So if you're including both of their first names, is the proper way:

Mrs. and Mr. Jane and John Smith

or is it just never proper to include the woman's first name? That looks so weird to me, and I feel like the only way I've ever seen it is:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith

but based on the not-separating rule, that is incorrect.

sophhabobopha · January 2015

I don't have advice, sorry. But I didn't know that judges got the title of 'The Honorable'. Badass.

slothiegal · January 2015

sophhabobopha said:

I don't have advice, sorry. But I didn't know that judges got the title of 'The Honorable'. Badass.

Heh, I used to work with a bunch of judges. It was always awkward when I would see them out at lunch in line at Subway or something and I would call out, "Hi, Your Honor!" They would always be like, "uhhhh hi.....you don't have to call me that outside of court....can I eat my sandwich now?"

Related, while working in court, I had the title of "madam slothie". Which made me giggle because it seemed way too formal for a hot mess like me.

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

I had a similar problem, and I don't remember if it all fit on one line, if not, than it was obviously on two lines. I always heard the higher ranking person by occupation goes first, if they are equal and have different last names, the woman goes first. A lot of people put the person they know first though.

We had Captain James S. Smith and Dr. Sally Jones for example.

charcoalandblush · January 2015

slothiegal said:
Heh, I used to work with a bunch of judges. It was always awkward when I would see them out at lunch in line at Subway or something and I would call out, "Hi, Your Honor!" They would always be like, "uhhhh hi.....you don't have to call me that outside of court....can I eat my sandwich now?"

Related, while working in court, I had the title of "madam slothie". Which made me giggle because it seemed way too formal for a hot mess like me.

I still feel that way anyone asks me what I do or where I work "I'm an attorney... even though I do not even close to have my shit together and barely act like a real grown up most of the time."

LtPowers · January 2015

charcoalandblush said:

Maggie0829! That link is super helpful.

Sorry to threadjack, but somewhat-OT addressing question. I've seen "don't separate a man from his last name" posted a zillion times on this board. So if you're including both of their first names, is the proper way:

Mrs. and Mr. Jane and John Smith

or is it just never proper to include the woman's first name? That looks so weird to me, and I feel like the only way I've ever seen it is:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith

but based on the not-separating rule, that is incorrect.

Yes, it is incorrect. It seems archaic these days, but the traditional form doesn't allow for the wife's given name to be included. It was seen as unnecessary. Remember, traditionally, a lady was referred to socially, even when alone, as "Mrs. John Smith".

Fortunately, there are alternatives to the traditional form, though they are wordier than the hybrids that some folks have devised. The simplest is to just use both persons' full names and honorifics, as if they did not have the same last name:

Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

(Technically, "Mrs." should be reserved for when the gentleman's name immediately follows as with "Mrs. Smith" or "Mrs. John Smith", but some women might prefer "Mrs. Jane Smith" over "Ms."; their preference should be accommodated.)

Powers &8^]

Addressing a STD/invite

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