People asking me the cost pp

Knottie56374471 · January 2015

I know they're asking because they want to "cover their plates" but it still makes me uncomfortable.

Do you have people asking how much your cost pp is? How do you handle it?

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

Knottie56374471 said:

I know they're asking because they want to "cover their plates" but it still makes me uncomfortable.

Do you have people asking how much your cost pp is? How do you handle it?

Newp, my friends and family weren't so bold and gauche.

Just keep politely refusing to answer and changing the subject. Unless they are really dense, they will get the hint quickly.

ETA: Just because I'm snarky, I might say "If you have to ask then you can't afford it." :-P

ShesSoCold · January 2015

Wow - weird! No one asked me that. And the cover your plate rule is really odd to me.

Anyway, I'd probably just smile, shrug it off and say something like, "oh it doesn't matter - I'm really looking forward to seeing you there!" and try to change the subject.

lyndausvi · January 2015

I never had to handle it as no one even asked. How rude of your guests. I would just change the subject.

Knottie56374471 · January 2015

I've heard of it a lot in my circle and always hated it. I always just give what I feel comfortable with, so it feels strange every time they ask.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

No one ever asked me. And even if they did I would not have been able to give them an answer seeing as I have no idea what the cost per person was for my wedding. Not like I would have told them even if I did know.

levioosa · January 2015

Change the subject. You're right in giving whatever you are comfortable with, since gifts are not required for weddings in the first place.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

No one ever asked me. And even if they did I would not have been able to give them an answer seeing as I have no idea what the cost per person was for my wedding. Not like I would have told them even if I did know.

We knew what the per person cost was, but it just wasn't anyone's business ;-)

Knottie56374471 · January 2015

I appreciate what they're trying to do, and I know it comes from a nice place - but it makes me uncomfortable and I'm not good and wrangling out of it.

mikenberger · January 2015

Knottie56374471 said:

I know they're asking because they want to "cover their plates" but it still makes me uncomfortable.

Do you have people asking how much your cost pp is? How do you handle it?

"It's enough for everybody to have more food and drink than they need. Man. The weather is WEIRD today."

I'd bean dip the shit out of that. Rude ass people.

amelisha · January 2015

Yeah, I'd probably just lie. "I'm not sure offhand, but we did a tasting last week and the food was wonderful, so it's worth it. How are little Timmy's piano lessons going?"

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

Knottie56374471 said:

I appreciate what they're trying to do, and I know it comes from a nice place - but it makes me uncomfortable and I'm not good and wrangling out of it.

"If you have to ask, then you can't afford it. Boy, David Beckham sure has a nice tush, don't you think?"

[Deleted User] · January 2015

"What's the cost per plate?"

"What? I don't even understand the question. What are you asking?"

Hopefully they'll figure out here how weird their question is and the conversation will stop.

"How much does your wedding cost per person?"

"Why do you want to know? Are you planning a wedding?"

And I really hope the conversation doesn't go this far, but some people are really clueless.

"No, I wanted to know how much I should be giving you as a gift."

"Are you really saying that if you can't afford to 'cover your plate' you'll use that as criteria for declining the invitation? You should give whatever you want to give. I don't throw parties I can't afford. And I don't tell my friends how much money they should spend on me. I just want to have a fun day with the people I love. I hope you'll be able to attend."

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

So rude.
Tell them, my mother always told me it was bad manners to tell someone what a gift cost, or how much I spend entertaining other people. I would never want to let her down. Then smile sweetly.

Let her figure out that it is probably as rude for her to ask as for you to tell.
What can she do, say Oh, just be rude? Your mother is wrong? You have never been polite before, why start now?

Gifts should be chosen according to how strong your relationship is with the couple, and what you can afford to spend. How much or how little wedding hosts spend to entertain others has nothing to do with anything. The reason for gifts is to express your warm feelings for someone, and to give them a start in building a home and life as a married couple.
Whether you are serving cake or a full meal, $400 a bottle champagne or fruit smoothies has nothing to do with it. Not tit for tat.

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

Mikenberger's suggestion is awesome.

Given who was asking, I might have said something like, "Oh, it's not a frat party. We're not making you buy your red solo cup, haha! But anyway, I'm thrilled to be able to host everyone."

That's my dream response, but my actual response would likely be a blank stare. The only person that outright asked me was a person trying to plan their own wedding. I got one, "Oh, that restaurant is expensive! My husband and I had dinner there and spent $90 a person!" To which I smiled and nodded and changed the subject.

photokitty · January 2015

The only people who have ever asked me that are other brides, mostly on here, trying to figure out budgeting or are interested in my venue. Not one guest asked that...weird and rude.

saacjw · January 2015

photokitty said:

The only people who have ever asked me that are other brides, mostly on here, trying to figure out budgeting or are interested in my venue. Not one guest asked that...weird and rude.

That was my experience as well. Other brides, who may have been invited to the wedding because I had a lot of friends getting married around the same time, but no non wedding planning guests.

JellyBean52513 · January 2015

I would just say "Why?" and see what they come up with. If they straight-up tell you that they want to follow the cover your plate rule, respond with "Oh, well, that's awkward. I don't want to give you a number because I think you should just get whatever you want, or nothing at all, just come and party with us, that's why I invited you." That would 100% be my response. And then I'd walk away/change the subject/watch paint dry because that's a better use of my time than indulging nosy people.

SP29 · January 2015

Nope, never got that question.

So strange that some people still believe in this "rule".

Some funny responses for bean dipping!

People asking me the cost pp

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