Wedding Etiquette Forum

Need help Interpreting Wedding Invitation

I received a very formal wedding invitation to a destination wedding about 5 hours from where we all live now.  We recently attended the couples' shower for them, and I was also invited to a bridal shower though I do not know the bride well.  The groom is a good friend of my husband, and he stated a few months ago that over half the guests at the "small" wedding will be kids and that we are all invited.  I know he shouldn't have said anything at that point.  Well when I received the actual invitation recently, it was addressed only to my husband and I without our kids, and it says that we are invited to the ceremony, but does not mention any reception.  There was, however, a very nice RSVP card with a blank to fill in the number of guests.

I plan to attend regardless, by my questions are, am I right in reading this as an invitation to an out of state wedding (for which an overnight stay is needed) for only my husband and I and only to attend a ceremony?  Does the RSVP care imply a reception or even an informal gathering afterward?  These are very formal invitations done by a professional, so I didn't think they would have forgotten to mention a reception on it.  I don't want my husband to ask the groom, since he didn't even know about his shower until two days before and since he said we were all invited as a family.  I wouldn't dare put the bride on the spot by asking her directly, as I feel this is impolite. 

Re: Need help Interpreting Wedding Invitation

  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Do you know any of the guests that will be attending, can you ask them without making it awkward for the bride or groom? From what you said it appears that only you and your husband are invited...but to only be invited to the ceremony and not the reception...especially for a destination wedding, would be extremely rude.

    image

  • I normally would say the invite is just addressed to you so don't ask about the kids.
    But your kids were verbally invited. So I could see its being possible that they just didn't realize they needed to put the kids' names on the invite.

    I'd have your husband just ask the groom (or you ask the bride) something like this:
    "Hey buddy. We got your invite! I just wanted to get some more information. I wanted to verify that the invite is just for sleddin and I? Also there wasn't any info on the reception. Is there anything we need to know about the time/location of it?"

    Hopefully phrasing the kid thing like that would not be presumptive.
    And phrasing the reception question like that SHOULD be presumptive. Because you should have been invited.

    If you got invited to showers and went and gave gifts and then they don't feed you at their wedding... omg.


  • Reception cards are usually a separate enclosure. Could this be the case? Maybe they forgot to put it in the envelope.
  • I would assume that only you and your husband are invited. Just because other children will be there, does not mean yours are automatically invited. However, if DH was verbally told your kids would be invited then I would get him to ask the groom to clarify- that is not rude if you were verbally told something that doesn't match up.

    The reception part is odd. Usually an invite at the least says, "Reception to follow". I would definitely ask- because there SHOULD be a reception, so that would not be rude of you. You need to know the address for all locations. Again, I'd get husband to ask the groom, since they are good friends. 
  • Odd timing, but the groom actually stopped by for a visit with my husband yesterday afternoon.  I wasn't there, but he said that of course the kids were invited and that there is a reception at the same location.  He had nothing to do with the invitations, and admitted he hadn't even seen them.  He's a very laid-back guy, with likely little direct involvement in the planning.  I do not know any other guests, nor the bride other than meeting her twice.

    Given the verbal invite directly from the groom, and the lack of reception mention (or maybe missing reception card), I now plan to RSVP with all of us attending. Should I send a personal note to the bride with or even separate from the RSVP stating that I included the kids because the groom said they were invited, but that I would gladly make other arrangements if there has been a misunderstanding, or is this stirring the pot?  This would in truth be difficult to arrange for an out-of-state weekend, and we really do want the kids to go as they just adore the groom--a mutual sentiment.  My husband says the groom settled the issue, so just send the RSVP without worrying, but Ms. Manners is otherwise screaming at me in my head.

    Thank you kindly for all of your replies, and any additional advice or perspective is greatly appreciated.
  • sleddin said:
    Odd timing, but the groom actually stopped by for a visit with my husband yesterday afternoon.  I wasn't there, but he said that of course the kids were invited and that there is a reception at the same location.  He had nothing to do with the invitations, and admitted he hadn't even seen them.  He's a very laid-back guy, with likely little direct involvement in the planning.  I do not know any other guests, nor the bride other than meeting her twice.

    Given the verbal invite directly from the groom, and the lack of reception mention (or maybe missing reception card), I now plan to RSVP with all of us attending. Should I send a personal note to the bride with or even separate from the RSVP stating that I included the kids because the groom said they were invited, but that I would gladly make other arrangements if there has been a misunderstanding, or is this stirring the pot?  This would in truth be difficult to arrange for an out-of-state weekend, and we really do want the kids to go as they just adore the groom--a mutual sentiment.  My husband says the groom settled the issue, so just send the RSVP without worrying, but Ms. Manners is otherwise screaming at me in my head.

    Thank you kindly for all of your replies, and any additional advice or perspective is greatly appreciated.
    I think since the groom settled it with you guys directly there's no need for the extra note. I wouldn't worry about it.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


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