Wedding Dress Regret?

Re: Wedding Dress Regret?

• vulpiepop member

  

  January 2015

  I had a similar situation. The consultant was very pushy, and I guess I could understand since she's on commission but it did make me feel uncomfortable. I tried on about 9 dresses from this shop. The issue was mostly budget (very low budget) so there just weren't very many places for me to look for a dress and not a lot of options to choose from. I was made to feel that this place was my only option. She finally pulled one that I liked, but I didn't have the "aha" moment. I had wanted to do a little more shopping too before I decided on the dress, but the consultant said that there were no more dresses that can be ordered in my size that would fit my budget. I ended up buying that dress even though, to me, it didn't feel like a wedding dress. It's beautiful and I like it but it just wasn't what I pictured when I thought of wedding dresses. It was proven to me later that I would not have looked good in the kind of dress I pictured though.

  
  

  Honestly, I left the dress in the closet for a long time and forgot about it. I can't afford another dress and there was no point for me to keep shopping around or looking at other dresses. I went for my first fitting a couple days ago, where they had me put it on with everything and pinned it up to my shape. This was the first time I saw the dress on me again since I bought it and now the wedding is drawing near and I'm actually getting excited over it. The fitting was the first time I had the "aha" moment with this dress. I think for me, it wasn't so much the dress as it was the timing of trying on the dress. It was just so surreal to me; I still couldn't believe that I'm engaged so I couldn't picture the wedding and this consultant didn't help when I was trying it on, but by the time the fitting came around, I had gotten over that, accepted that this is really the dress I'm going to be married in, and I got excited. For me it wasn't the dress, it was the thought and excitement of getting married that gave me the "aha" moment I was looking for.  I think I could have been wearing any dress, even the ugliest dress ever, and I still would've have gotten that feeling. 

  
  

  I can't say how it would be for you because well, everyone is different. I think if you feel that it really isn't the right dress for you, you can call them and see what your options are. I don't know how long ago you purchased the dress, but they may be able to do something if it hasn't been that long. If you're looking at wedding dresses online, stop shopping.

  
  

  

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• weddingcactus member

  

  January 2015

  mich47314 said:

  Hi Everyone!  I'm having a bit of wedding dress regret at the moment and was wondering if anyone here has any advice for me.

  
  

  I went shopping with my parents on an impromptu first shopping trip and we ended up buying a dress.  I expressed concern at rushing to buy a dress (because there's no need to at this point) and was told that "my fiancee and I take too long to make decisions and this dress is just perfect."  It also didn't help that the manager at the store was being super pushy.  My consultant was great, her boss, not so much.  I don't really know what I was thinking.  I do like the dress, it's pretty and does fit my style but I didn't have that "aha" moment with it.  Honestly, I'm still having trouble accepting that we're actually going to get married, so I'm sure that's not helping things at all!  My parents did feel bad after we bought it because I clearly wasn't happy with what just happened, but I tried to make them feel better by saying it would all be fine.

  
  

  I had wanted to do at least a little more shopping before finally deciding on a dress, even if it ended up being that one.  The place we bought it from has a no returns policy. *sigh*  I may try calling the bridal shop and seeing what my options actually are, (like, maybe I can get a different dress from the salon instead,) so hopefully I'm not just flat out stuck.  Which I realize I may be.

  
  

  So now I'm just... upset.  I don't know if the dress I have is the dress I want to get married in and I feel like I don't have any other options.  I'm also pretty sure that my problem isn't necessarily the dress, but the situation that caused me to purchase the dress.  I wanted to have a happy, exciting dress shopping experience, and instead I got criticism about my decision making process and stress.  I guess I'm just having trouble accepting what I have and moving on from this point.

  
  

  Has anyone been through a similar situation?  What did you do to move on?  Thank you!!

  First, I'm really sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like you were overwhelmed by everyone pushing you to make a decision before you were ready. It can be really difficult to stand up to people, especially when you love them (your parents) or they're experienced at pushing people (some sales people).
  
  Next, and most importantly, I'm concerned about your statement "Honestly, I'm still having trouble accepting that we're actually going to get married". What do you mean by this? Are you really ready to get married? A wedding is just a day, and a dress is just a dress. But a marriage should (hopefully) last forever. Without letting outside parental pressure influence you, I think you need to make sure you're comfortable and ready to move forward with getting married. Hopefully you just mean that you've just barely gotten engaged and are still mentally processing such a big step forward.
  
  Back to the dress: I think your idea to contact the bridal salon and find out your options is a good one. Regardless of their policy, at least you'll know what your options are going forward. Finally, not everyone has an "aha" moment. I didn't. I shopped at quite a few salons and tried on numerous dresses. I used a process of elimination to narrow it down to my favorite. I ordered it three months ago and although I've had the occasional twinge of "geez that was a lot of money, I really hope I love it when the real dress comes in", I'm still happy with my decision. I think our society has pressured women into expecting a "moment" when you just know the dress is the "right one", usually followed by crying or squealing. Not everyone is going to have that. I think I could have tried on a million dresses with unlimited budget and I probably would never have had that moment. It just isn't me. I really wanted a dress that made me feel beautiful and that is what I found. There were other dresses that could have worked too, so I don't think there was ever a "moment" or a "right one". That's perfectly ok. I can still get married in my dress and I'm sure I will feel beautiful and have a beautiful wedding and an even better marriage.
  

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• mich47314 member

  

  January 2015

  Thank you vulpiepop!  You've definitely made me feel a little better!  You're right in that the aha moment is really more about the excitement of getting married rather than the actual dress itself.  So I think the timing of the shopping was probably not quite right for me.  I only bought the dress a week ago so maybe they'll be a little more accepting of a exchange within their store.  Thank you again!!

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• missdelilah member

  

  January 2015

  @mich47314  I'm sorry that you felt you were pressured in to buying a dress that you weren't sure about.  Just know that it's a really common experience for women not to have a huge emotional moment when they buy a dress, and to a feel like the dress they choose is just a good option, and not "the dress."  If you go back through older threads in these forums, you'll see it happens all the time.  It was like that with me - it didn't help that all the samples I tried on were several sizes too big for me and pinned to the max.  Hopefully it's something you'll feel good about when you look at photos in the future.  I think that's what matters most.  If not, you can sell the dress, but you'll be lucky to get much over 50% of original price for it.  You may well love it more when you try it on again, but definitely contact the store, and see what, if any, options you have.  Best case scenario, they haven't placed the order with the manufacturer yet, but hopefully they can do something for you either way.

  
  

  Much love and well wishes, x

  
  

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• phira member

  

  January 2015

  I think that there are a lot of reasons you are feeling this way, so it's really hard to pinpoint if you're having "real" dress regret, or if there's just a lot going on. I think that there's definitely a lot going on. How are you feeling about getting married?

  
  

  Not everyone has that "moment" about the dress. Or anything, honestly. I recommend trying on the dress on a day where you're feeling pretty good. Do it at home. If you can't put it on alone, have a friend come over and help you, or (if you're like me!) have your fiancé help you. See how you feel. If you're still feeling sad, try to verbalize it. Is it because there's something particular about the dress? Is it because it's not what you expected? Is it just the experience of buying the dress? Is it the lack of the "moment?"

  
  

  I think it's worth talking to the salon (very kindly) and seeing if there's an exchange policy you can take advantage of. Definitely do it soon, in case they can cancel the order.

  
  

  Honestly, a dress is really just a dress. The wedding industry puts a LOT of time, money, and effort into convincing you that every last single fucking detail of your wedding has to be absolutely perfect. You have to have the perfect centerpieces, the perfect color scheme, invitations that properly convey the intangibles of your relationship, etc. And, of course, there's the schtick that there's one perfect dress, just like there's one perfect person for you to marry.

  
  

  And that's bullshit. There is no single perfect outfit you could wear. There is no single perfect dress. Nothing will be ruined if you get married in the "wrong" dress.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• mich47314 member

  

  January 2015

  @Thaweddingcactus, thanks! I really just meant that it's still processing. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, and I'm excited to be with my fiancé, so no worries on my part there, haha! @missdelilah, I definitely feel a lot less bad knowing this sort of thing isn't entirely uncommon. I honestly think it'll be fine, it was just overwhelming and venting it out has really helped. @phira, I'm pretty sure it was just that there was a lot going on. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who didn't have the typical "moment" with the dress. Thank you again everyone!! I seriously feel a lot better. I did contact the bridal shop and they are going to look into the status of the order for me. It's likely that the dress is already in production, so there may not be anything they can do about it, but this time I spoke with a different manager who was very nice and made me feel way more comfortable. I know it'll all work out alright. :-)

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• lovemesomemonster member

  

  January 2015

  Good luck and sorry you are going through this, sounds like you got a lot of really good advice and I'm glad you are happy moving forward. I had the same kind of experience, I went about a month after getting engaged because my mother was here and wanted to be involved. She was so excited (I'm the one and only) and made it so overwhelming for me! To top it off, the salon has a first try on discount which made it very appealing to just grab and go. Although I love the dress we were working with I about had a freak out moment and had to leave. I almost called back to order that night but couldn't do it.. I'm sorry it wasn't the experience you wanted but like everyone else said, it's just a dress, you will look fabulous, and get to marry your one and only

  
  

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• checca16 member

  

  January 2015

  Just wanted to weigh in a little...

  
  

     after losing 125lbs, getting engaged, and starting to plan my wedding I rushed into Davids Bridal full swing and set on buying a form fitting, show-off-my-new-bod mermaid dress. I was so happy with my dress until the stomach problems started, 6 hospitalizations this year alone later, my dress no longer fit the way i had hoped, and all i could see was a bulging swollen stomach, and instantly i felt self conscious and almost 300lbs all over again! 

  
  

    I wanted to put this hear as a little glimmer of hope for people, Davids Bridal took my dress back, and ordered me a new one. They understood that things happen and what would have been my dream dress was now a nightmare for me. I am now happily going to be married in October in a dress that makes me feel both comfortable and beautiful. My best advice would be relax, you're going to be okay, and sometimes someone will reach out and help you- this is your big day! You'll be beautiful no matter what!!

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• missdelilah member

  

  January 2015

  mich47314  Have you heard back from the store yet?  I'm glad you're feeling better about the situation.  I really hope that things work out for you one way or another. x

  
  

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• moorewedding530 member

  

  January 2015

  vulpiepop said:

  For me it wasn't the dress, it was the thought and excitement of getting married that gave me the "aha" moment I was looking for.  I think I could have been wearing any dress, even the ugliest dress ever, and I still would've have gotten that feeling. 

  
  

  This is exactly how I feel. I bought my dress because it was cheap - $250 for a discontinued sample dress. There were two that I liked. I was set on a sweetheart neckline and an ivory dress, but other than that I didn't know what I wanted. The one I didn't get I really loved, other than the fact that it didn't have the two things I really wanted. I just didn't have the "aha" moment everybody talks about, but I'm totally okay with it.

  At this point, I've realized what really matters is the fact that I'm marrying the love of my life, and all the the other things last one day. I know most brides don't feel the same way, but I wouldn't stress out too much over the dress.

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• mich47314 member

  

  May 2015

  Hey everyone!  Thank you again for the responses, they really helped a lot!  

  
  

  The dress store agreed to let us use the money we already paid towards another dress.  I also spoke with my parents (yay communication!) and they felt bad that they pressured me and were ok with continuing shopping regardless of whether or not we could return the dress.  My Mom felt super bad because she was very overwhelmed and was afraid that if I didn't get the dress I tried on that I wouldn't be able to go back and get it later.  (She told me that the manager that day basically had her convinced that if I didn't make a decision then and there, she couldn't guarantee I'd get the dress I wanted so Mom was afraid I'd miss out.)  

  
  

  Sooo, long story short I worked with my consultant, had the dresses I originally wanted to try on sent to the store to try, went back with my parents, and purchased a different dress!  It's beautiful, I love it, and everyone (Mom & Dad and especially me) are super happy about everything!  I feel like a bride in this new dress.  I feel beautiful, comfortable and most importantly I feel like me.  

  
  

  Everything worked out in the end.  Thank you again everyone for the support!!

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