Invited to the wedding, but not the reception

futuremrsacp · January 2015

My fiance wants to invite some people to the wedding only and not the reception. I think the idea is completely unacceptable. To me it doesn't make since to invite someone to the most intimate part of the day and not allow them to celebrate with you afterward. His concern is cutting costs, which I totally understand. We have a limited budget, and therefore need to keep the number of guests down. However, the idea to me of inviting people to the wedding only and not the reception is just not an option.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

What your husband wants to do is incredibly rude. Go with your gut on this one. There are other ways to cut cost without being rude to your friends and family.

mikenberger · January 2015

kara.thompson said:

My fiance wants to invite some people to the wedding only and not the reception. I think the idea is completely unacceptable. To me it doesn't make since to invite someone to the most intimate part of the day and not allow them to celebrate with you afterward. His concern is cutting costs, which I totally understand. We have a limited budget, and therefore need to keep the number of guests down. However, the idea to me of inviting people to the wedding only and not the reception is just not an option.

You would be correct. Very rude to invite people to the ceremony and then not thank them with a reception. Keep your guest list down and then invite everybody to both portions of the celebration.

lovegood90 · January 2015

This is super rude. The point of the reception is to thank the guests for coming to the ceremony. You are right in that this definitely shouldn't be an option. There are plenty of other ways to cut costs: cut the guest list, have a cake and punch reception at a non-meal time, cut down on décor, etc.

levioosa · January 2015

You are right: inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception is incredibly rude. The purpose of the reception is to thank your guests for witnessing the ceremony. It is also rude to do a tiered reception where some people are invited to the main portion, and others are invited to "just cake and dancing."

There are many ways to cut costs (less expensive or no flowers, dry wedding, buffet vs plated, etc). The budget brides board often has great suggestions on how to cut down costs. But please don't do what your FI is suggesting. People take time to attend your ceremony, congratulate you, and perhaps even bring a gift. Asking them to witness the ceremony without thanking them properly is essentially a slap in their face.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

kara.thompson said:

My fiance wants to invite some people to the wedding only and not the reception. I think the idea is completely unacceptable. To me it doesn't make since to invite someone to the most intimate part of the day and not allow them to celebrate with you afterward. His concern is cutting costs, which I totally understand. We have a limited budget, and therefore need to keep the number of guests down. However, the idea to me of inviting people to the wedding only and not the reception is just not an option.

You are totally, 100% in the right.

What your FI is suggesting is incredibly rude, and it will damage your relationships with those who don't make the cut to attend the reception. Remind your FI that the reception is not a party in your honor. It's a party the bride and groom throw for their guests to thank them for attending and supporting their wedding. So if you are going to invite people to your ceremony, then every single one of those guests must be invited to your reception.

You either need to trim your guest list down, extend your engagement so you can save more, or cut back on things like the dress, flowers, centerpieces, etc. in order to accommodate everyone. You might also want to consider having your reception at a non meal time and having a cake and punch reception to cut down on costs.

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

If cost is a concern, than your guest list for both the wedding and reception should be the people he only wanted to invite to the reception. Why does he want these other people at the ceremony, if they are not "good enough" to go to the reception?

banana468 · January 2015

1) Please change your screen name to something that doesn't give away who you are.

2) Your FI's idea is horribly rude. How would you feel if I invited you to my birthday party but only to the after dinner after cake part? Oh, and make sure you bring presents!!

climbingsingle · January 2015

No no no no no. It's extremely rude to do that. I would be very offended if someone did that to me.

futuremrsacp · January 2015

banana468 thanks for the tip! This was my first time posting, so I didn't even notice my screen name!

short+sassy · January 2015

I'm a bit more liberal on what offends me than a lot of the other PPs on this board, but being invited to a wedding and not the reception would highly offend me.

Possibly even to the point of being friendship ending. It also reeks of gift grabbiness. I would much rather not be invited to either, than invited to one. Because, hey, I get it. Resources are finite and couples can't invite everyone they would like to. Most people understand that also. But to invite Friend A to both and then Friend B to only the ceremony is hurtful because now you are "ranking" your guests.

And I'm not beating up on you, OP . I realize your post was more to make sure that you were in the right on this one, and you are! Welcome to TK and I hope you gather a lot of great information here to make your wedding planning as smooth as possible.

JennyColada · January 2015

Tell your *fi that you asked around and that you wrote a haiku to sum up your thoughts:

No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no Nono no

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

Totally uncool. An invitation like this would merit an automatic decline, a reconsideration of my relationship with the couple, and possibly this:

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

Here's a question-- what does he think he can afford?

You don't need a "big" wedding. Maybe people are intimidated by expectations.

My sister and husband just invited "immediate" family, which when you count her siblings-in-law's spouses and kids, totaled around two dozen. Church wedding, dinner at a nice restaurant, no DJ or anything, done.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

@Cookie Pusher‌ Does Beyonce have friends?

Jen4948 · January 2015

He needs to drop this idea because you are correct: it's incredibly rude to invite people to the ceremony but not the reception.

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

NYCMercedes said:

@Cookie Pusher‌ Does Beyonce have friends?

Apparently so! The one on the bottom right looks four-legged, too.

blabla89 · January 2015

You are correct that it is rude. And IMO this is a hill worth dying on. Ask your FI, if he went to a party, and halfway through was told, "You need to go home now, because the rest of the party is only for these other people," how would that make him feel? Personally, I would understand if a couple couldn't invite me to their wedding due to budget or just wanting a small wedding, but I would feel snubbed if they invited me to only the ceremony and not the reception.

You don't have to invite everyone to your wedding. It's okay to have a small guest list. There are also lots of ways to cut costs so that you can accommodate more guests on a small budget, if you choose. But please, please don't let your FI do this to your guests.

Invited to the wedding, but not the reception

Re: Invited to the wedding, but not the reception

Choose Another Board

Search Boards